We Read the Comments on Our Viral Parenting Post

Last year, we shared a parenting story that went viral. 

It was a simple moment—but it sparked a wide range of reactions. 

In this episode, we go back and read real comments from that post and respond. 

Some were encouraging. 
Some were critical. 
Some made big assumptions from a single moment. 

We talk through what those responses reveal about parenting, marriage, and communication—and why moments like this matter more than we think. 

At nextTalk, we believe one honest conversation can make a real difference. 

Website Title: We Read the Comments on Our Viral Parenting Post 

Website Description: A parenting moment we shared last year reached millions—and the comment section told a bigger story. 

In this episode, Mandy and Matthew revisit that moment and read real responses from the internet. 

Together, they unpack what people saw, what they assumed, and what it reveals about how families communicate—especially in tense situations. 

This episode offers a thoughtful look at parenting, marriage, and the role each parent plays in helping conversations move forward. 

RESOURCES

Look in the Mirror - nextTalk 

Your family is the most important team you will ever lead. - nextTalk 

Three things NOT to do if you want to stay married. - nextTalk 

Fighting for Our Marriage with Matt and Mandy Majors - nextTalk 

Marriage Advice with Pastor Robert Emmitt - nextTalk 

Parenting Advice with Pastor Robert Emmitt - nextTalk 

Parenting High Schoolers into Young Adults - nextTalk 

Something Is Off with My Teen—Now What? - nextTalk 

Putting Your Life on the Line - nextTalk 

Build a Safe Place - nextTalk 

3 Things Every Kid Needs (From a Youth Pastor) - nextTalk 

Body Changes and Attitude - nextTalk 

When I hijack the moment… - nextTalk 

Free Guide: nextTalk10 - nextTalk 

Music: https://www.purple-planet.com  

Transcript

The Family Hierarchy And Why

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Well, let's let's be clear. There is a hierarchy in our home.

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:03

And I'm on the bottom.

SPEAKER_00 0:05

No. No, no.

SPEAKER_02 0:06

No. I put myself there. That's where I want to be. Because I I I want to be taking the bullets. I want to be taking the shots. I want to be standing in front. I mean, that that's why I'm here. And that's what I love.

SPEAKER_01 0:24

Welcome to the Next Talk Podcast. We are a nonprofit passionate about keeping kids safe online. We're learning together how to navigate tech, culture, and faith with our kids. Today I have my husband on the show. It's been a while.

SPEAKER_02 0:42

It's been a while. I feel like I'm a big guy in a little chair. And you have barely fit in these things. They're awful.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

Okay, remind me, you have not done the podcast with me since we've been videoing.

SPEAKER_02 0:53

Definitely not since we've had these chairs.

SPEAKER_01 0:55

So this is a whole new thing.

SPEAKER_02 0:56

It's awful. These chairs are awful.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

You're you're taking one for the team.

SPEAKER_02 1:00

Taking one for the team.

SPEAKER_01 1:01

Okay, okay. Well, for those of you who don't know you, just tell us a little bit about yourself, Matthew.

SPEAKER_02 1:09

Well, fortunate husband of you. Two kids, two kids feeling older every day. Uh just love to be a part of what we're doing.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

And your career, you're a business guy. Just a lot of people ask me if my husband's in ministry. You're not in ministry.

SPEAKER_02 1:30

No.

SPEAKER_01 1:30

So a business guy.

SPEAKER_02 1:32

Yeah. Uh just operations uh guy. And yep. Uh nothing to do, unfortunately, nothing to do day to day with the next talk activity. Um, not not for an occupation.

SPEAKER_01 1:46

But you hear all my stories.

SPEAKER_02 1:48

At least two or three times.

A Parenting Reel Goes Viral

SPEAKER_01 1:51

Yes, yes, he does. Okay, so the reason I've asked Matt to join me today is because last year I wrote a post, a story about he and our son, and something crazy happened. It went viral.

SPEAKER_02 2:09

I like this one because what did you title it?

SPEAKER_01 2:12

On the real, what did I say?

SPEAKER_02 2:14

Yeah, this is I actually like this one.

SPEAKER_01 2:17

The words on the video said this the moment I realized my husband knew better.

SPEAKER_02 2:21

Yeah, I was really surprised. You told me that you had posted something interesting, and I went back, I went and looked at it, and uh, it was pretty interesting. And I guess about 16 million other people thought so.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

Yeah, I mean, we had over a quarter million likes, uh, hundreds of comments, shares. It it went viral. And I we've never had anything like that happen before.

SPEAKER_02 2:42

Is that I don't a social media person, that's a lot.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

Yeah, Matt, it is good.

SPEAKER_02 2:47

Okay, and um well, this was this was good, this was a really good some good topics here, good content.

SPEAKER_01 2:53

Today on the show, I wanna I want to read for you the post and then I want to pull some crazy comments we received up and have Matt respond to them.

SPEAKER_02 3:03

Oh, great. Because um I remember you told me there's some pretty pretty wild responses.

SPEAKER_01 3:11

Well, going viral was a whole new thing for our family. Like, you know, you put stuff out on social media and you you tell your kids once it at once it's out there, it's out there. And that's a hundred percent true. Like, once it was out there, there was no taking it back. But I think what I was not prepared for was all the fighting in the comments. There were people who loved it, there were people who were calling you names. Okay, there were people who were calling me names, and then there were strangers who didn't even know us defending us.

SPEAKER_02 3:44

Well, maybe somewhere in there there's truth.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

And there was a whole lot going on. And I didn't really think about how people out of one post would assume so much about a family. That is what kind of took me off guard. Like, wow, they feel like they really know us from one post.

The Kitchen Island Turning Point

SPEAKER_02 4:04

So, do you want to read this post in case people hadn't have not seen it? And then we can you can tell me about what some of these responses were.

SPEAKER_01 4:12

Yeah, let me read it for you. Exactly as it was posted. Here we go. My teenage son and I were standing around the kitchen island having a serious conversation. He had an attitude, and I was trying to get through to him. My husband walked in and observed what was happening. He could tell my son was frustrated and I was frustrated. He waits there until there's a pause. Then he looks at our son and he says, Wanna go play some basketball?

SPEAKER_02 4:46

Yeah, it's a true story, not just a true story. Yeah, legit. I remember.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

Okay, so I looked at my husband in disbelief because I really felt undermined for a moment.

SPEAKER_02 4:57

And I get I get that look quite a bit.

SPEAKER_01 5:00

And frustrated. I mean, I wanted to scream.

SPEAKER_02 5:03

Yeah, I get that look.

SPEAKER_01 5:04

I'm trying to get through to this kid. This is serious. We need to have this conversation. That's what I was trying to say. Um, I didn't go crazy mom mode or crazy wife mode in front of them, but my husband went to the bedroom to change into his athletic shorts and I followed him. And I was pretty upset. I said, What are you doing? I was trying to get through to him and talk about the seriousness of this. And then my husband said, You'll be able to later. He needs to play defense and be aggressive. He's angry. I was a teen boy once. He doesn't want to talk right now. They played basketball in our driveway and about an hour later came in sweaty and stinky and gross. They were laughing, they were joking, they were talking trash to each other.

SPEAKER_02 6:01

Maybe.

SPEAKER_01 6:03

Then you guys aren't gonna believe it. My son looked up at me and he said this sorry about earlier mom. And then he just went to get in the shower. I looked at you and said, What did you say to him? And then you said nothing. We didn't talk, we just competed. Later that night at dinner, we were able to go back to the issue at hand and have an actual calm, logical conversation that everyone was fully engaged in and there was no attitude. I was able to get all of my points across to my son. He heard them and even added some additional information. And you guys, that night, I really did go to bed thanking God for Matt. I was so mad at him in the moment for kind of taking charge of the situation, but I walked away with a new appreciation. He was just trying to help, and he understood my teen son in that moment in a way that I didn't. And so that was the post, and it just kind of blew up. And all sorts of comments.

SPEAKER_02 7:20

I don't know why that's controversial.

SPEAKER_01 7:22

You know what's so funny about it is I this happened several years ago. Our son is 18 now. This happened several years ago. I had posted about it when it just happened, didn't go viral. And then we were looking for a Father's Day post, and I said, hey, let's. This is a great story of fathers and how unique they are. They bring a unique voice to the family. And um, and we put it on a reel and it goes viral. You never know what's gonna happen. But um, you remember this.

SPEAKER_02 7:50

I do remember this. Yep. And again, he beat me in that game. I remember that.

SPEAKER_01 7:55

There was somebody in the comments that asked who won.

SPEAKER_02 7:57

Oh, yeah? Yeah, yeah, he did.

Wild Comments And Real Differences

SPEAKER_01 8:00

Yes. Well, for the most part, most people were super supportive. You know, we love dads, we love moms. This is a good marriage working together, a parenting team. But there were some comments that I was like Oh, let me hear them. Okay, all right, let me pull them up for you. Okay, here's one. Women are absolutely insane and have no emotional control.

SPEAKER_02 8:25

Oh, wow. Okay, I I don't know what could have spurred that. Obviously, that's ridiculous.

SPEAKER_01 8:32

No, I I want to know your response to this.

SPEAKER_02 8:33

Well, I mean if clearly that's ridiculous.

SPEAKER_01 8:36

If somebody said that to my face, how would you respond to them? If a man came up at an event and I was speaking and afterwards he said this to me.

SPEAKER_02 8:43

Well, I can't, I can't really say what I would do. It wouldn't be pleasant. But I think I think obviously that's someone being a little um a little silly. It's just we're different. Uh we we just we're different.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

We've talked about this before. Like we both have ways we respond with emotion in different ways that we have to keep in check.

SPEAKER_02 9:05

Yeah, and different times in our lives, given other things that are happening. But we that's the you mentioned the point, the key point here is that to kind of keep in check. That's one of the things you and I have really worked on a lot over the years is to help uh keep us each other in check. And it's it's kind of a flow. Um, but yeah, in this, you know, in this case, uh, we really utilized the the where we are naturally have advantages in being able to communicate. So with our daughter, it would have looked very different, that exact circumstance. I I think in the moment, whenever we went to play basketball and I kind of extracted him from that situation, uh, I think after it was all said and done, I think you were cheering me for doing that. And in similar circumstances with our daughter, again, there's just you're able to s to communicate and engage with with her in ways that I can't. And and I think that I I have cheered you in the past whenever you've done that. And it's it's we have to really be able to work together with it.

SPEAKER_01 10:11

It really is a team effort. It is, yeah. You know, that comment though did remind me of a Bible verse.

SPEAKER_02 10:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 10:18

Um, Proverbs 27, 15, and 16. You know the verse that I'm gonna say because we've talked about it a little bit um through the years. A nagging spouse is like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet. You can't turn it off and you can't get away from it. Like a nagging spouse. I do think there is something in that comment that could be truth as far as if I'm constantly nagging you or you're constantly nagging me about something. The Bible speaks to that. That is not communication, that is not healthy communication.

SPEAKER_02 10:53

No, no, and and it's not sustainable. No one, no one is willing to live a life of uh of that kind of uh nagging again, and it's it's just not communication.

SPEAKER_01 11:04

It actually drives people away.

SPEAKER_02 11:06

It does.

SPEAKER_01 11:07

Yeah. Which leads me to my next comment.

SPEAKER_02 11:09

Okay. Okay, here these aren't this isn't like no big deal. I thought you were gonna shock me with something.

SPEAKER_01 11:14

Here's a comment. That's why I turn around and go golfing.

SPEAKER_02 11:19

Okay. I spoke too soon.

SPEAKER_01 11:24

That's why I turn around and go golfing. That was the comment.

Tired Dads And Choosing To Lean In

SPEAKER_02 11:27

Yeah, I think this is very common with dads uh these days with there's so many demands, and they walk into a room, and mom and child are in the middle of something that they really just don't want to wade into. Uh, they know it's gonna consume emotional energy, and they might have just gotten home from a difficult day or whatever the case, and they just don't want to step into that. It can individually feel, and I get that, like I get that that comment. I'm not like I I could imagine that in my mind, but it's not the right approach. It's not the right approach to be able to build our children. It's not the right approach uh for the partnership of our spouse to think I'm just gonna pull the emergency button here and I'm just gonna evacuate because it's too hard. It's times like this when you should lean in the most. And uh and we've learned that. And so I I get it. My initial response would likely be, I wanna, I wanna, you know, you could replace golf with anything. I want to go do this or do that. I don't want to go into this difficult situation. Um I I just don't, I believe that that's when we should run right into it.

SPEAKER_01 12:55

I want to, I want you to speak into this a little bit more because I think it's important um to any dads watching, because one of the things you have told me, I mean, our kids are 18 and 22 now. We're getting ready to be empty nesters. It's back to just us in a couple months in the home. And through the years, you've told me how you would always say, I'm I'm such a tired dad. Oh, so I I remember you saying that all the time. And you would go to church or, you know, to events and you would say, I see it in the other dad's eyes.

SPEAKER_02 13:28

So clear.

SPEAKER_01 13:28

They're exhausted. We're exhausted. Because, you know, unlike any other time in history, you're you're normally working a career, building a career, and you're more engaged with the kids at a level, I believe dads are. And I think it's a great thing that dads are more involved today than before. They're shouldering the responsibilities more. This is generally. Um, but that wears on you guys because, and then you add all the digital parenting stuff on top of it. What what we walked through with the experiment of trying to keep them safe online when nobody was talking about this.

SPEAKER_00 14:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:09

So, so speak into that a little bit about all these years, you were so tired every day, exhausted, but you poured in, you did the hard work showing up when there was conflict or conversations you needed to step into.

SPEAKER_02 14:26

Or tears. That's when I like to run the other way, is when there's tears involved. Yeah, you don't like you don't like drama. I want to get out.

SPEAKER_01 14:33

Like the emotional drama. Yeah. Talk about that as far as now getting ready to be an empty nester. Because I think a lot of young dads listening, they feel like it's never gonna end. They feel like this is my life forever. Um, I'm gonna be at soccer every night and you know, waking up at 5 a.m. and dealing with all of this conflict forever. And that's not true.

Undermining Vs Team Parenting

SPEAKER_02 14:57

It's not true. Uh, it does end and it doesn't come to a uh an end immediately. It starts trailing off. But I will say this no matter the amount of time it takes, or some dads with multiple kids, it may be even longer, but I will say this very, very clearly. There's nothing more important that you can do with your time and energy. Uh, there is a time when it when it when it goes away and I'm starting to miss it a little bit. I'm starting to miss the opportunity to be able to invest into the lives of the people who matter to me the most, and to be able to build in them a legacy that doesn't expire as the moments and time do. And so I yeah, for the young dads, and I I've I've seen it a lot, I I continue to see it a lot in the faces of dads. Um, not I want to say don't just hang in there, but double down in it. Because uh there's nothing more important that you can do with your time and energy.

SPEAKER_01 16:02

Well said, well said. Um, okay, so I I really like this question. And this really wasn't a negative comment. This was like a sincere, sincere question. It says, assuming the husband ends up doing what's right, I'm wondering if it felt like a slap in the face to the mom. Is this likely to be a good cop, bad cop dynamic? This was actually a really good question because I did feel blindsided a little bit in the moment. But I want to I want to add a disclaimer here. It was very unlike Matt to do something like that. So very rarely would I be in a conversation with our child. I mean, this I wrote about it. So it's a unique situation. It stood out in my mind as a unique situation. He doesn't undermine me as a parent. When I'm having a conversation with the kids, um, if there's something that I'm saying that maybe he doesn't agree with or whatever, he would never correct me in front of the kids. It's kind of like we would pull each other aside.

SPEAKER_02 17:02

It's a respect thing. It's a rule of respect.

SPEAKER_01 17:04

Yeah, we would talk about it later. But in this situation, and he didn't interrupt me, he waited until we there was a silence and we all were kind of looking at each other, and I was fuming at my son, and you know, my son was giving me attitude. And that's when he said it. He didn't cut me off. Um, but I do think this is a legitimate question because I I do want to say this. If Matt were the kind of husband who was always undermining me, cutting me off, trying to be, you know, the superhero parent and letting me do that, that would be a problem.

SPEAKER_02 17:35

Yeah, I actually think that there are some dads that believe that being um a leader in the home means that their voice is always the loudest, the first, and the last. And uh, I don't believe that.

SPEAKER_01 17:53

I want you to, we've talked a lot about this. We work with a lot of families, we see a lot of dads trying to take a leadership role, but in my, it becomes like a dictator. Like they're they're they're barking out orders, they're telling people what to do. And Matt is the farthest from that. He's a very he leads our family, but he's a very humble leader. Like he serves us. That's how I see you. You serve us. And so when he when he did this, you know, once I cooled down, I thought this is a way that he's trying to help me to get through to him in a way that I didn't understand my teenage son at the moment.

SPEAKER_02 18:33

I would actually say it wasn't about you.

SPEAKER_01 18:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:36

I I what I saw is really about our son.

SPEAKER_01 18:38

That's so good.

SPEAKER_02 18:40

And um, but but no disrespect.

SPEAKER_01 18:42

But a lot of people in the comments made it about patriarchy and a man trying to control because that's where society goes with it.

SPEAKER_02 18:52

Well, um that's so good.

SPEAKER_01 18:54

It really wasn't about me, it was about you and me trying to figure out the best way to get through and communicate to our teenage son.

SPEAKER_02 19:01

Yeah, you know, that that's really that's as simple as what it was. I was able, I saw my son's posturing and his, I could hear his tone, and I could hear your tone. And as much as yeah, I would have liked to have just walked by and gone golfing. I I get that. Um, it was an opportunity for me to again take kind of the unique approach that I have as a dad and as a man to kind of steer a different direction. And uh I knew what you wanted to do, I knew the point you were getting across. I was tuned in enough to know your uh your goal. Um and I also saw that he wasn't tracking. So again, it really wasn't about you, it was about an opportunity to uh help you achieve ultimately what I know you wanted to do.

SPEAKER_01 19:57

Well, and later that night, you know, we we had a great conversation at dinner, and I was able to get my points across. He added, my son contributed to the conversation. It was very calm, and everybody was locked in on it. But um, later I had asked him, hey, when he came in to the house, after you guys immediately got done playing basketball and he apologized to me, did you make him apologize to me?

SPEAKER_02 20:23

No, we didn't even talk about it. This is the thing. We don't need to talk.

SPEAKER_01 20:28

Guys, is what you're saying.

SPEAKER_02 20:29

Yeah, I mean, in especially in that moment, um, we don't that's we don't need to communicate. We like that angry. We just we don't need that. We need to step away. We need to, we need to just leave that there for a minute, go focus on something else, and then maybe we can come back to it with a different perspective that would then allow us to talk about it.

SPEAKER_01 20:55

Yeah, I love this because you not even telling him, telling him to apologize to me speaks volumes to me as a mom, raising a teenage boy. He needed to just get some physical aggression out, and he could see the situation clearer without uh even you talking to him about it yet. And I think that's a that's a moment for all of us moms to think about who are raising boys because they they are different than us. Boys, guys, and girls are different. What?

SPEAKER_02 21:32

Shocker.

Pause With Purpose Then Return

SPEAKER_01 21:33

I know. And uh it and and the more we can learn that, like I learned so much from Matt about what it means to be a man and a leader. And and likewise to me, the more we listen to each other, the better we become at this partnership of raising these kids and this team effort. You made some really good points, but you said he just didn't need to talk right then. He needed to go out, compete, clear his clear his mind, that kind of stuff. But I do think we need to be very clear that when there's a moment of tension in the home and we do step away because we want the emotions to go down, how important is it to come back and then have the calm conversation? Because if not, we just keep sweeping things under the rug and we almost use that emotional situation as a reason not to have the hard conversation.

SPEAKER_00 22:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:31

So can we speak into that? Because years of that could really well hurt a family.

SPEAKER_02 22:37

Situations like that compared to writing a sentence, a situation like that is a comma, not a period. So the tension was thick in this sentence you and my our son were drafting. And I really felt it was best to step in and let's drop drop a kind of a comma here, um, or pause a bit. Um and then you know, just again a brief, just a just a moment, come back, finish the finish it, period. It's over. Drawing drawing um things to conclusion are really one of the some of the most important things that you can do when you're trying to teach or respectfully communicate really with anyone, I think in any circumstance, but especially with your kids, just leaving things open uh without drawing uh points to a conclusion can lead to a lot of concerns, a lot of challenges. And it's really unfair to them.

SPEAKER_01 23:44

Yeah, yeah. And I I just wanted to speak into that because I think sometimes there's an emotional situation in the home and everybody goes off to clear their mind, and we use that as an excuse to never talk about that again.

SPEAKER_02 23:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:58

And that's a really bad cycle.

SPEAKER_02 24:01

Well, look, let's be clear. In this circumstance, uh, I would again agree with you, say this was a pretty unique circumstance because most of the time we have conversations that include tension that don't need a pause and that can be concluded and should be concluded in that moment. Maybe that's the norm, but there are some circumstances where the the mom and the dad understand their roles really well and they play the role really well, and they know when it's time to call an audible, and and and let's change the play a bit.

SPEAKER_01 24:38

Well, looking back on it, you know, I was really ticked off in the moment of it, but I was already emotional because I was upset with my teenage son too, and trying to get through to him. And so I was already elevated. But looking back now, I think, wow, you handled it so well. Like you really did not belittle me whatsoever. You did not interrupt me, you did not correct me in front of him, nothing. You just waited till this awkward silence, and you were like, let's go play some basketball.

SPEAKER_02 25:07

But but understand, had you and I not been on this journey for a number of years leading up to this conversation and been doing hard work and spending countless nights just kind of gut-wrenching, open, honest conversations about things that we didn't want to talk about leading up to this point when he was 16. I don't know that I would have even felt comfortable enough stepping in. So you actually created through all the work that we had done parenting with me, you actually created an environment where you allowed it, and I knew you would allow it. But again, it it had been the time that we had spent in advance of that moment.

SPEAKER_01 25:53

So let's talk about that for a minute because we're getting off these comments, but this is a really good conversation here.

SPEAKER_02 25:59

Um can I hit a comma? Can I go play some basketball?

unknown 26:02

I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01 26:04

No, you could not.

SPEAKER_02 26:06

All right. Um, I know you won't be able to beat me.

Building Open Communication At Home

SPEAKER_01 26:09

No, no, I can't beat you, and I can't beat our son anymore either. That that ship sailed a long time ago. Um, but what you're saying here is is really important. You know, we had been on this journey, and it was, you guys know the story. I mean, it's just our kids were getting exposed to all this stuff. The iPhone was created, nobody was telling parents how to parent it. And it was an experiment in our home. And God led us to scripture, Deuteronomy 6, 6, and 7. That is the solution. No matter what happens, that Deuteronomy 6, 6, and 7 says we have to talk to our children. We have to create a culture of open communication in our home. I'm summarizing. And so we had had so many conversations every night. I mean, I would say, Matt, on the way home from school, this is what they're asking me now. This is what they got exposed to. And this is before they had phones or anything. And he would say, I can't believe we have to answer these questions. And I can't believe this. And we were on this journey to just really talk about anything. But through that, we had to do, we realized that a lot of times we were the problem. We were shutting down conversation with our kids when we didn't realize it. And I remember one night going to Matt and saying, listen, like if I do something crazy in front of the kids that you see shuts down conversation, I plead, you know, don't correct me in front of the kids, but I want you to be honest with me. Like tell me at the end of the night because I got to correct it. Like I got to foster a good dialogue here with our kids. I don't want to push them away.

SPEAKER_02 27:50

That's the permission I was talking about.

SPEAKER_01 27:51

And that it's interesting that you that you mentioned that. We weren't, we weren't even going to talk about this on the show, but you're right. You are so right in the sense of the foundation had been laid for each of us to kind of come in and help each other out because the goal was talking to our kids about anything. And whatever that took behind the closed doors to that sometimes hurt. You know, sometimes we had to have really hard conversations.

SPEAKER_00 28:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:23

I remember going to you one time and saying, listen, I know you're just a black and white type of guy, and you're just giving black and white type of answers, but you're shutting down communication with our kids.

SPEAKER_02 28:34

And, you know, I gave you permission and space to be able to bring that to me.

SPEAKER_01 28:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:39

Long in advance, well in advance, I should say, of these types of kind of moments. And that's what we want everyone to be able to do. We want everybody to be able to practice and be prepared because it's the we're in a new world. We have to be prepared for this with our kids.

SPEAKER_01 29:00

Well, that's what we refer to as a look in the mirror. This is it.

SPEAKER_00 29:04

Right.

SPEAKER_01 29:04

How can we be better humans so that we can be better parents and have better conversations with our kids? I mean, and that's just the key of holding each other accountable. We really do have an iron sharpens iron. That's a Bible verse, a Proverbs verse. And in the Bible, it's really talking about friends, like friends sharpening each other. Matt and I use that in our marriage a lot. We're iron sharpens iron. And sometimes when we have to have a difficult conversation with each other, we will reference that. We will say, listen, like we will start it out saying, hey, you're a great dad or whatever. This is my iron sharpens iron. Like I'm just telling you this so that you can have a better relationship with our kids. When you do this, I see them shutting down or I see it not working.

SPEAKER_02 29:51

And it's interesting, interesting because I uh you've done this with me uh a lot because I'm can be very oblivious at times to some circumstances. And so you've done this for me, and it's really helped me. And um and I actually appreciate it. You know, some some I think some dads, again, I think we have to we have to take some of this bravado and just throw it away. And and I I think that we need to really focus on being more humble. You can and should be a humble leader, and you lead with respect and honor and care. And and I think that again, when I think when you set that tone with your wife, with your kids, it it just creates such an opportunity of to to to talk through and and honestly, even if it's not talking, just live in a in a great, great place.

SPEAKER_01 30:53

I what one thing that I really do love about our family is, you know, it's messy. I mean, relationships are messy, we're not perfect, we disagree, but I really do feel like when there's an issue that comes up, we we communicate about it. Yeah, we talk about it. And that is a result of all the work we've done over the years. But you really it it really has to be a daily decision to not sweep things under the rug, not just check out and go golfing.

SPEAKER_02 31:21

That's right. That's right.

SPEAKER_01 31:22

Like it is the daily battle to build this relationship with your kids in your home. Okay, this is an interesting one too. Wife was yapping, husband said, son, you don't have to listen to the yap right now. Let's go ball.

SPEAKER_02 31:38

Well, I did say let's go ball, uh, but I didn't say anything about yapping. You know, again, it's not, I don't think that's respectful. I don't, I don't think that that uh I I look, I get it. I think there's a lot, I think that's tongue in cheek. Maybe it's coming from a guy who has a situation where he's got that drippy faucet thing going on, and and and he just doesn't, you know, this is everything is a yap. Everything, so again, yap is like negative. It's and there was nothing negative about this. What you were saying to him there wasn't negative. I wasn't, you know, I wasn't swooping in and protecting him from any anything that you were saying. It was really just um it was quite the opposite, actually. It was more of an opportunity to to come in and um and really support the direction you were already going with it. But I I think this idea of of yapping, come on, um, you know, you're not you're not gonna have a marriage with respect if you think that if one person or the other is viewed as a yapper.

SPEAKER_01 32:45

That's a hard thing. And I I think that's why nagging is so important on either side. Gosh, make sure you're not a nager. I think we've overcome a lot of that.

SPEAKER_02 32:55

I will say this uh uh speaking for all the dads out there, for the speak to the moms. If you're a yapper, he can anticipate it and he will shut you out, shut you down quicker, and he'll get so proficient at it that you actually won't know he's shutting you down. There are times you'll know, just the yapping that doesn't, you're you're it doesn't even make sense. Uh just it's it's um it's children do this.

Servant Leadership Not Dictator Energy

SPEAKER_01 33:26

Yeah, and when we say, you know, talk to your kids, talk in your home, we're we're not saying yap, we're not saying lecture, we're not saying nag. We're saying healthy dialogue. Like exactly what this post we said in this post, this was communication. This is how we learn to communicate because it wasn't working. We had to change up the situation, and then we could have the healthy dialogue. And so uh, you know, we just we just have to be careful of categorizing these things. It was interesting to me because I think that this post, I I don't know why it went viral. You know, I it showed the importance of dads, which is so important. And and I was so glad that this was the one that went viral, quite, quite honestly. Um, but I also think a lot of the negative comments came in because of this rush of patriarchy, of this dictator style leadership that we see in a lot of, I'm just gonna be honest, Christian homes, because they just don't know how to lead well. It's more of a do as I say and just barking out orders and I have the final say here kind of mentality. And you've just never used any of those phrases ever. Like I feel like you put my needs above yours. I feel like you put our kids' needs above yours. Like when there's a big decision, I could never see you going against me. Like you would, you, you want to make sure everybody is good and feeling well about the direction we're moving as a family. You know? And so for me, the comments erupted, and I just thought, wow, how people view dads leading the home is very different than I feel like I have experienced. And I feel like you've done it so well. In fact, let me read you this comment.

SPEAKER_00 35:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 35:23

She said, This is a woman allowing a man to lead. Unfortunately, a lot of women wouldn't have let him do this to see the result.

SPEAKER_02 35:32

Oh, that's a really good point.

SPEAKER_01 35:34

I think that's a really good comment because you felt you have created such a safe environment for me to respect you and trust you. I've seen your integrity behind the scenes. I see how you don't act like a dictator or a boss just barking out orders.

SPEAKER_02 35:53

Well, let's let's be clear. There is a hierarchy in our home.

SPEAKER_01 35:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:56

And I'm on the bottom.

SPEAKER_00 35:58

No, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_02 36:00

I put myself there. That's where I want to be. Because I I I want to be taking the bullets, I want to be taking the shots, I want to be standing in front. I mean, that that's why I'm here. And that's what I love.

SPEAKER_01 36:16

Okay, so don't get an ego here. I'm not saying you're like Jesus, okay?

SPEAKER_02 36:20

Oh, we know that.

SPEAKER_01 36:21

But what I'm saying is it reminded me of Jesus washing the servants' feet. He took the position of least of these.

SPEAKER_02 36:29

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 36:30

A true leader takes the position of least of these.

SPEAKER_02 36:34

Yeah, I I think so. And and I mean when you take that position of least, you it's easier to be humble. It really is. Uh, there's nothing that you're you're trying to compete against because you're already pre-positioning yourself as the last to eat, the one to to to uh be the coldest, especially during menopause when we can't can't keep the house warm.

SPEAKER_00 37:02

The AC is down really low.

SPEAKER_02 37:05

Yeah, the AC is down low. I mean, but but again, I think when we first got married, it was uh what I need, what can you do for me? And uh I think I learned very quickly that there is nothing in the Bible about that, and the irony of it all is the more I really choose to go last, the more you try to pull me up.

SPEAKER_01 37:36

Well, the more in this situation I can let you lead because I know your character. Yeah, that's it. I mean, I I see you behind the scenes serving your family so well. And so when you do step up and be like, okay, we got to do this another way, like I will, I will follow you because you've proven yourself to me. Okay, so so yeah, here's another comment that was kind of in those lines. Just a friendly reminder that the key to all of this was that the woman allowed the father to do what needed to be done, didn't disrespect or question him, trusted he knew what was best for another boy or man, and then proceeded to be grateful, all of which modern day young women simply do not do. And I think that's a really good comment until the end. I think women sometimes it is a feminism thing. Like we just don't want to let men lead. And it that's a that's horrible in our society, right? But also, I do think there is a negative patriarchy type of uh men who think that they are are the boss of the home in a in a negative way. And you know what I mean when I say that. I mean, I will look to you. You are the leader of our family. I submit to your leadership, I I I trust you. And it's easy for me to do because I see you submitting to God. I see you loving me like the church.

SPEAKER_02 39:12

I I read I read the rest of the verses that you're referring to in the Bible, and I love you the way Jesus loves the church. Yeah. And he gave his life for the church. So there's that partnership.

Resetting Marriage With Humility

SPEAKER_01 39:24

So, what would you say to anyone out there? I I want to speak into what if a family has watched this video and maybe a dad is thinking, dang, I don't think I'm leading right? Like I need to kind of shift how I'm leading in my home. And maybe this is why my wife is not showing me respect or my wife is, you know, why we're having conflict. What would you speak into that situation if you could speak to that young dad? And like, what kind of advice would you give him?

SPEAKER_02 39:56

Well, actually, I wouldn't give it just to him. The advice I would give would be to him and his wife. Because fundamentally, he alone cannot do it. He has to be, there has to be mutual respect and there has to be uh a common ground understanding of of the goal, what what we're trying to do here. And uh if he has a a wife that just isn't interested in um maintaining that respect, common ground and the ultimate goal, then that again, that's where I think that they need to kind of hit the reset button and understand that um there's a reason God made man and woman brought them together to procreate, have children, and then raise those children together. There is a role for a man and a woman. And any of them that attempt uh any able-bodied individuals that exist as husband and wife that have children and attempt to do it on their own are gonna find great challenge. And so I to that to that man, I would say, sit down and talk to your wife, tell her this is the concern you have, and honestly, it might be tough, but I want to know if you'd be willing to support me and and agree that we're gonna that we're gonna work together, one another, with a focus on respecting one another, our differences and our similarities, and create a common ground interest in how we're going to communicate. And uh nothing's off limits.

SPEAKER_01 41:34

How important is it for the man to say to the wife if he has not led well? And I mean, not led well by not being a servant leader.

SPEAKER_02 41:43

We've all not led well.

SPEAKER_01 41:44

And how I mean how important do you think that is for the man to speak that to the wife and maybe even apologize and say, I need to, we need to do this differently? What we're trying, what we're what we're doing is not working.

SPEAKER_02 41:56

Yeah, I mean, we we've all done this. So um it's not like I woke up yesterday and I and I was like, hey, let's just do this totally different. I mean I think we've all led poorly. And I I think the honestly the first thing to do is recognize that maybe I've led poorly and it and and ask ask the wife, how am I doing?

SPEAKER_01 42:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:22

Uh again, the best way to be humble is to get humbled. Um, if you can accept your wife coming back to you no matter how many years you've been married, and sincerely telling you how you're not leading well, and if if you can hear that from her, and you can legitimately like hear her and understand her and and not lose your mind and like and literally get it, I actually think that's the first step to being a better leader.

SPEAKER_01 42:55

It's a look in the mirror moment.

SPEAKER_02 42:56

It is a look in the mirror.

SPEAKER_01 42:58

You you said something right there that I thought was really, really important. You said if you can listen to her and really hear her. And that is something that I feel like over the years you've gotten so much better at. You know, and and maybe it's because you said when we when we were first married, you basically were your mentality was what can she do for me? And it kind of flipped to what can I do for her? How can I serve her? Right. And I think it's because all of the years of you becoming a better listener to me, really hearing what I need. And that has challenged me too to be less of a yapper or a nager, because I want to choose my words carefully because I know you will listen to them and you will want to change something or fix it or help. And so I am very careful then, like processing to make sure that I'm not just always throwing out stuff that I need you to do or stuff that. I need you to fix. Like I really am careful because I'm like, he's really gonna hear this.

SPEAKER_02 44:05

Right. Right.

SPEAKER_01 44:06

And and I think that's the just the mutual ex respect that has grown through over the years.

SPEAKER_02 44:10

Yeah. Uh you you brought up a really good point with listening. Um, that I I would say that is one of the most significant changes in me over the years, is that I have really focused on listening. And the irony is it's not just with you and me, but it's also with our children. It's also in my job. I mean, again, if I can't, if I can't hear you, how can we be on the same page? If I how can I respect you?

SPEAKER_01 44:42

But I think that's the problem in so many young marriages is they're busy, dads are tired, and then when they walk through the door, it's the situation at the kitchen island like we were having, and they're just, I'm going to play golf, I'm checked out. And and I I think I just want to reiterate like that is Satan. And and God is for your family. He wants you to be in a healthy communication where you're happy, and and it's a it's an abundant marriage and it's abundant family life. And Satan will do whatever he can to try and dismantle that. And so you have to be on guard, you have to be teamwork, holding each other accountable, saying hard things to each other. Is there anything else you would add, honey?

Empty Nest Reflections And Hope

SPEAKER_02 45:26

Well, I I think, you know, to wrap this up, uh, there may be some guys out there that are thinking, I don't want any part of this. Too much time, too much energy, too feelings oriented. Um, I I get it. I get it. It's actually not it's actually not that much energy. It's not that much time. Uh, you know, I I don't like a lot of fluff. I want to get to the point. Yeah. And um we are now able to get to the point because you understand because of of the where how we've worked up to this, you don't see my directness as disrespectful. It's you see it as my intent and my focus. Okay, I I hear you. Let's go, let's figure this out, let's let's work on this. And so I I think I would end it this by simply saying, um, you know, I really encourage the dads again to not just lean in, but to run sprint into this for yourself, for your families, for your wives, wife, you know, one wife.

SPEAKER_01 46:33

One one wife, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:34

But I really do encourage dads to uh on the on the other side, it it's a great place. It's a gr it's great to be on the other side. And and honestly, um, you know, we may have had you and I a couple kind of knockdown drag outs until we kind of really found this rhythm that we're in right now, and it's a great place to be.

SPEAKER_01 46:58

We talk all the time about how you know we really worked on our communication as a couple and a family, really to keep our kids safe from the digital world. I mean, and all they were being exposed to.

SPEAKER_02 47:09

But it's made our marriage so much better.

SPEAKER_01 47:11

That's exactly what I was gonna say. And he finished my sentence. And you know, now that we're I'm getting ready to tear up, now that we're in a couple months, it's gonna be just us again. Like we're so ex we're kind of excited and dreaming and yeah, planning trips by ourselves and like all the things.

SPEAKER_00 47:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:31

And I look back and think, man, if our kids weren't getting exposed to porn, would we even be here? Would we have put in all this work?

SPEAKER_02 47:38

I don't know that I think about that too much, but uh it's a curse to blessing moment.

SPEAKER_01 47:43

It is. And God says, I will take this curse and turn it into a blessing because I love you. So no matter what you're struggling with in your home, no matter what where your marriage is, I want you to hang on to that verse. God can take a curse and turn it into a blessing, and we are seeing the fruit of that in our marriage right now.

unknown 48:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:05

Well, we'll see if we have another post-goviral. I don't know.

Support Next Talk And Closing

SPEAKER_02 48:08

I hope I'm not part of it. I hate social media.

SPEAKER_01 48:11

Thanks for being on the show, hon. Love ya.

SPEAKER_02 48:15

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