Face Your Fears || nextTalk10

How did we move from panic to peace when raising kids in a digital world? We share stories of moving from sleepless nights to steady confidence as we discuss the practical plan where the surprising payoff was immediate—less anxiety while scrolling, more teachable moments, and a home filled with a daily rhythm of open conversations.

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

From Panic To A Plan

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to the Next Talk Podcast. We are a nonprofit passionate about keeping kids safe online. We're learning together how to navigate tech, culture, and faith with our kids. Face your fears. Do not allow fear to take over. Parenting in the digital world is scary. It's overwhelming. You scroll through social media and all you see are these online dangers. Be careful about that. Watch for this. All of that is good. It's raising awareness. Of course, we want to share information about how our kids are being attacked online. But at Next Talk, we don't just want to create panic. We want to give you a plan. That's why our organization is so important.

Naming The Fear And The Anger

SPEAKER_01 0:55

Our plan is called the Next Talk 10. It's best practices to keep your kids safe online. And today I'm talking about one of those principles. Face your fears. When I first started realizing how the digital world was changing the way my kids are growing up, I was overwhelmed. I was afraid. I was frozen in fear, quite actually. And that's where Satan wanted me. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to acknowledge it. I was sweeping it under the rug. I also got bitter. I got mad. I mean, our kids' innocence is being stolen. Like for many of us, we're doing all the right things. We're not giving devices. You know, if we are, we're we're rolling it out in a practical step-by-step way. And our kids are still getting exposed to stuff through conversations at school, through conversations on the bus. It's infuriating. You can do all the right things as a parent, but your kid is still growing up in a broken world. When this all first started happening in our family more than a decade ago, my husband and I would vent to each other. Like, why in the world does everything have to be so sexualized? Why can't kids just be kids? Everywhere we turned, their innocence was being stolen. Those were real feelings that I had to process in the beginning. The fear, the anxiety, the bitterness, the anger, just being overwhelmed with it all. Realizing how the world was different because of technology. Honestly, you just have to accept the fact that your kids are growing up in a different world than we grew up in. And that is, even if you choose to limit or not give technology, the world has changed. My husband and my best friend really helped me process those emotions. So I would not be frozen in fear. And they helped me understand the shift that was happening in culture because of technology. But also, my faith gave me a foundation that kept me stable in the middle of the chaos.

Faith In The Storm: Take Courage

SPEAKER_01 3:21

It reminds me of the biblical story when the disciples are in the boat and there's a storm happening. And everywhere around them, it's just complete chaos. They're all afraid, right? I love what Jesus says in Matthew 14, 27. Jesus says to the disciples, they're in the boat. It's being rocked by the waves and the thunder and the lightning and the storm, and they're so afraid. And Jesus says, Don't be afraid. Take courage. I am here. How powerful is that? I can't tell you how many nights I woke up in the middle of the night, you know, at 2 a.m. just stressed about how am I going to parent this world? What am I going to do? How do I respond to this adult topic that my nine-year-old is asking? I just felt like I was in the middle of a storm. And God kept telling me, Mandy, take courage. I am here. This doesn't take me by surprise. I created you for this moment, for this child. I handpicked you to be the mother of these children. I have you. Don't take your eyes off of me. I'm not going to let you drown. I'm not going to let you get swallowed up in the waves of this storm. And I cannot tell you how much peace that gave me throughout all of it. Because that biblical foundation kept me stable in the middle of it all. That got me seeking the Lord for more and more, right? I got in the Bible like never before when my kids first started getting exposed to stuff. And I literally was thinking, honestly, some of their questions were like, like I didn't even know why I believed what I believed. Like, where is it in the Bible? And why do I have that core value? Right. And so I just dug into the Bible and I'm searching

Discovering Deuteronomy’s Communication Model

SPEAKER_01 5:25

for the answer. Like, how do we keep our kids safe online? Lord, please show me the answer. And in all of his graciousness, he led me to Deuteronomy 6, 6, and 7 one day. I was on my back porch, just like a normal day reading scripture. And this is what it says Teach your kids these commands I'm giving you. Talk. When you're at home, when you're on the go, when you're getting up and going to bed. Four key times to talk with our kids. The Lord is commanding us to create a culture of open communication in our home where no topic is off limits. Our God wants us to have a healthy dialogue between us and our children where they can confide in us and feel safe with us. This is literally biblical, and it is the solution to keeping our kids safe online. And as I found this and I implemented it in my home, these 10 core practices began to emerge, which is what we've packaged up now and we call the Next Talk 10.

Shifting From Tech Controls To Relationship

SPEAKER_01 6:33

It is your plan to keep your kids safe in such an overexposed world. So my whole focus was now on building the relationship with my kids. I was spending less time now researching Wi-Fi routers and more time pouring into the relationship with my child. I referred to it as old Mandy and New Mandy, and I made an immediate shift in my home in how I was interacting and responding with my children about all things, but especially about their online world and things they were being exposed to at school. And you guys, as I started to make this shift, I saw something happening. I went from old Mandy who had trouble sleeping. I didn't want my kids to go to sleepovers or or do play dates at anybody's houses because I was so afraid about what they were getting exposed to because it was so much. And I went from that, like lots of anxiety, fear, being overwhelmed, to this is what started happening. I would see these shifts in my kids because of how I was changing how I was responding. What was really cool as I started to implement Deuteronomy 6, 6, and 7 in our home. And I started shifting the culture. And my whole purpose, like every morning when I woke up, my first prayer was Lord, don't let me miss the teachable moments. Don't let me miss their questions. If they ask me something and I don't know how to answer it, give me wisdom. Give me the words to say in the moment. Help me build the relationship with my kids, right? That is my sole purpose in life during this phase because of how much they were getting exposed to when they were little, even when they didn't have phones. And you guys, with that mentality and being intentional on what God asked me to do, the coolest thing

Teachable Moments And Kid-Led Check-Ins

SPEAKER_01 8:30

happened. So I would pick my kids up from school, and what started happening was my daughter, nine years old at the time, would start pulling me in the bedroom and she'd say, Mom, I heard this today. This person said this. Like, I don't know what any of this means. So then we would talk about it. Through this process, I had taught her that if she heard something new and she didn't know what it meant, I wanted a red flag alert to go off in her brain to come home and ask me. So she was doing that. I was learning not to overreact and go crazy. And so we were building this culture. And so she would, she would talk to me about these things and also she would protect the heart and mind of her younger baby brother, right? She wouldn't ask it in the car because through our conversations, I was like, you're a little older, you know, you and I can have our one-on-one talk time and you can ask me what you're hearing about your friends at the lunch table, what your peers are talking about on the playground. Like we can just talk about that. But but let's not do it in front of brother because we have a duty to protect his heart and mind. And you guys, the more that that worked, like she would come home and ask me, and they were big topics, like adult topics, like stuff I didn't even know existed until I was college age, right? Big stuff. As she did that, I realized I was getting able to speak into it. And she was not listening to her friends or the world. And that took me from fear and anxiety to peace. And I was empowered to keep doing more of it because I saw the benefits of it right away. And that is my hope for you. As you journey along and implement these next top 10 into your home, each one of these that we dive into, I pray that you'll implement the practical suggestion and you'll see the shift. And once you see it happening, that's going to empower you to keep going. Because it's not easy. I mean, it did take away

Why Open Dialogue Beats Filters

SPEAKER_01 10:40

the fear of I wasn't afraid that my kids were going to be exposed to stuff and I didn't know it anymore. I didn't have a fear of that anymore because I saw the Deuteronomy 6, 6, and 7, the solution of open communication. I saw it working in my home. That was really not the fear anymore. Because they were, they started to come home and ask me. It was working. Like the Lord knew what he was doing. And that made me feel empowered. I was sleeping better, less anxiety. When I was scrolling on social and I would see a post about an online danger, I wouldn't go to panic. I would just be like, oh, this thing that I'm doing in my home, that's going to protect them from that. Or we're going to have a conversation about this now because I've had all these other conversations and now I'm ready for this one. So it prepared me. So that is what was so cool about the motivation of seeing this work in my home. I saw it catch stuff that filters wouldn't catch, you know, like our parental controls on a phone. Like if your kid has a conversation at a neighbor's house with a friend where they're searching for something or they're talking about something inappropriate, your filter on your home computers are not going to catch that. The only way you're going to know what happens at that neighbor's house is if your kid is talking to you. Right? And so, I mean, same thing on the playground, same thing at youth group. If your kid is not talking to you, you're not going to know what they're being exposed to. So this is a way that you're learning what they're learning and then you're speaking into it. And what's cool about this too is, you know, when they started asking me all these big questions and I had to dive into scripture to be like, what do we believe in? Why do we believe it? The cool thing was, is like God really did give me wisdom on how to respond. And I didn't need to know it all. You know, there were some times when I said, well, I don't know, but let's go to God. So we can dive into the Bible for answers together. Then we were like tackling the overexposure and the culture together instead of them trying to figure it out on their own and me not giving any input whatsoever. And I have the responsibility to point them to Jesus. And I can, if they're opening up to me and talking to me and confiding in me about what they're seeing and hearing.

Facing Hard Questions About Your Past

SPEAKER_01 12:56

Now, I will tell you one downside to open communication. You're gonna know some things. Sometimes that's overwhelming. It truly is overwhelming to know all that they're caring. And there are moments where I have cried with my husband about that. You know, like I just can't believe that their friends are dealing with this or that their friends are making these choices. But anytime that that would upset me, my husband would always remind me if they weren't telling us, they would be carrying this all alone. Our child would be carrying this all by themselves. So we are taking the burden off by creating the open communication in our home. And that also helps against the fear of what are they gonna ask? Or what are they gonna confide in me? And am I gonna have the right answer? You know, all of that is fearful too. But this is where you have to trust God and you have to have faith because it works. This is the solution to keep our kids safe. But we cannot get frozen in fear. Oftentimes, what happened to me is your kid gets exposed, you get mad because their innocence is stolen, and then you just are paralyzed in fear. You're sweeping it under the rug because you don't know how to address it. You don't know how to have the conversation with your kid. This is what Satan wants. We have to rise above that, okay? Process those feelings of fear, process it. They are real. Process those feelings of being mad. They are real, but we have to move past it if we are going to fight for our kids in this culture. So don't get frozen in fear. Process those emotions with your spouse andor a friend. Pray, pray, and pray. If the Lord wakes you up at 2 a.m. and you are anxious, pray about it. Read the word of God. That will give you the peace. That will

God’s Character, Boundaries, And Real Freedom

SPEAKER_01 15:05

give you the wisdom you need. Remember Isaiah 41, 10. Man, as a parent, I have prayed this over myself and my family and my kids so many times. This is what that verse says. Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. This is the creator of the world, the Alpha, the Omega. He knows more than we do. And he is saying to us, don't be afraid. I am going to strengthen you and I am going to help you. This is the same kind of language he used with the disciples in that storm. Have courage, don't be afraid. I am here. I am with you. You don't have to be afraid. Whatever technology wave comes next, you know, right now we're getting hit with a whole new set of problems with AI. I don't know what it's going to be in five years, but I do know this. It doesn't take God by surprise. And the solution of creating a healthy dialogue with your kid will keep your child safe. But we have to get out of our fear and move. We have to be obedient. We have to dig in. We have to have the tough conversations. We have to trust our Lord that He's going to give us wisdom. That is what obedience looks like. That is what courage is. Do not let Satan win here and do not let Satan fill your mind with anxiety and fear about parenting in the digital world. Also, as we're talking about fears, I want to say this. The conversation that you don't want to have is the conversation you must have. If your kids come home and they ask you what sex is and you're

Fear Fades As Communication Deepens

SPEAKER_01 17:02

dreading that conversation, that's the conversation you need to have. And that goes for your spouse, your kids, anyone. The conversation you don't want to have is the one that you must have. Quit sweeping things under the rug. Have a healthy dialogue. This is a key to a healthy home. But Satan is setting up a system where kids are being exposed to porn. They can't tell their parents. They're living in shame because of all the porn that they're watching. Their mental health is being affected. They're acting out or touching others because of all the porn that they're watching. Do you see what Satan is doing with our children because they can't confide in us? It is our job, parents. I know it's scary. I know it's fearful, but we have to move out of that fear and build a healthy dialogue with our kids. Our kids' life is at is at stake here. The world that we're living at is at stake. We have to rise up and hold the line in this moment to protect our children. One other thing that I want to speak into because when I was sold on the idea of creating open communication, I don't want to just be flippant and say all the fear drifted away, right? It it didn't. It was a process of me seeing it work and being empowered. But one of the things is my kids started talking to me more and asking me things, I was so afraid of the question. But did you do that? Whether it be sex, alcohol,

Turning Curses Into Blessings

SPEAKER_01 18:40

whatever it be, we're talking about it, right? And my biggest fear was how do I answer when my kid says, Did you do that? Because you guys, I was a wreck as a teenager. I was a wreck. I'm so glad that there weren't phones when I grew up because I made so many bad choices as a teenager. And you know what? The cool thing was as I prayed about that free fear, my kids asking me that, he showed me how to do it. So for my home, you know, what I did was early on, I would say things to my kids like, Well, you know, mom, mom made a lot of bad decisions as a teen. I really wish I would have could go back and do things differently. Like it was a really hard time in my life. Actually, looking back, it's probably the darkest years of my life or my teenage years. And I would just say blanket statements like that as they were growing up. And then as my kids were older and it was the right time, if they asked me a specific question, that is when I felt compelled to give them a little bit more detail. Not a lot, but letting them know that there were lots of things that I wish I could go back and change about my teenage years. And as a parent, I'm trying to teach them, show them a better way, you know, because like things like sex, like God doesn't put that rule in place because he hates us. He knows what's best. He wants to protect us. When you start getting to that level of conversations with your kids, what's really cool is that the character of God is highlighted. And what I mean by that is, you know, the world tells kids, everyone, that sin is fun and sin is, you know, God is just a God of rules and he doesn't want you to have fun and restrictions and all that, right? But when you actually look at it from the point of view of your life, I know for me, the darkest of my days were when I was not living under God's provision. Like I was doing whatever Mandy wanted to do. That was when my mental health was the worst. That was when like I had no purpose. That's when I cried a lot. I was doing a lot of self-destructive behaviors. And now that I'm under God's provision and I've submitted to it and I've said, Lord, you know best, I'm gonna follow all of your ways and I'm gonna follow your guidelines and the word. This is the healthiest I've ever been mentally, right? Like we have those stories to tell our children. And when we tell them those stories, they realize God's character, that He's not trying to be mean. He loves us, He wants to protect us. That does so much for our kids' faith, their development of their faith, the relationship between the kid and Jesus. You know, that that still quiet moment when that kid could choose whatever that kid wants to choose, but they're gonna listen to God. They're gonna listen to the Holy Spirit in them more than their feelings or more than what the world is saying is, oh, that's no big deal, right? That's what we want to push them towards. And when we can unlock that level of communication in our home, you guys, I'm telling you, the fear will fade away. The Lord will take away the fear because you see the Lord's commands and his Bible come alive in your home and keeping your kids safe. Like, like for me personally, even, my faith has been developed in a way just seeing God's wisdom overtake our home and make these small shifts in our relationship and how we communicate about things. God knows what he's doing. I know this world is crazy. I know parenting in a digital world is overwhelming. But I hope you are encouraged today, process that fear, face it, and then conquer it. Move on. Because on the other side of fear is communication and beauty and character of God and faith building, like you would never know. Deuteronomy 23:5 says, God turns the intended curse into a blessing because He loves you. Never in a million years did I think my child being exposed to pornography in the fourth grade without a phone would be a blessing in my life. I was mad. I was just gut punched, so bitter and so afraid about the world my children were growing up in. But God has taken that curse that Satan threw at us, that exposure, and he has turned it into good. Not only changing my entire family dynamic, but creating a whole nonprofit and ministry about what I learned on that journey. Whatever you and your child are going through right now, and it may feel like a curse, I want you to hold on to that. It may have been exposure to something, it may have been a choice, a bad choice your child made. I need you to hear me. God can take that curse and turn it into a blessing. I pray that over you. Don't be frozen in fear. Be obedient and trust our Lord. He's got us.

SPEAKER_00 24:32

Next Talk is a 501c3 nonprofit keeping kids safe online.

Donate And Resources Disclaimer

SPEAKER_00 24:37

To support our work, make a donation at next talk.org. Next talk resources are not intended to replace the advice of a trained healthcare or legal professional, or to diagnose, treat, or otherwise render expert advice regarding any type of medical, psychological, legal, financial, or other problem. You are advised to consult a qualified expert for your personal treatment plan.