Charlie Kirk: Talking to Kids about Violence, Politics and Radicalization

How do I talk to my children about violence and politics from a faith perspective? If my kid and I disagree on politics, what should I do? How can I prevent my child from being radicalized online? The horrifying execution of Charlie Kirk has forced parents to confront these questions head-on.

Transcript

When Violence Goes Viral: Responding to Charlie Kirk's Death

Speaker 1 0:01

Welcome to the Next Talk podcast . We are a nonprofit passionate about keeping kids safe online . We're learning together how to navigate tech , culture and faith with our kids . How do we talk to our kids about Charlie Kirk ? I've been posting a few things over on social media . My first post was about talking to your kids about the video of his death , and I have a lot of talking points over there . You can go read that . But my main point is this Our kids are so desensitized . We all witnessed a man being executed and then right after that , we may have seen a basketball reel or a funny reel . Our brains are not meant to go from seeing a human life taken and then shift so easily to another tab being open in our brain about something that is simple . This is a whole new world . We should try to stop and process and grieve the taking of a life Again . There's more talking points over there on our social media . Maybe it's the desensitization conversation . Maybe it's your kid is asking why did God allow this to happen ? We have some bullet points over there that you can go look at .

Speaker 1 1:24

But then I also did another post about the possibility that the shooter was radicalized online . We see this a lot with mass shootings and I want to talk about this a little more . But first , before I dive into that radicalization , I did get some messages asking why so much outrage over Charlie Kirk ? Like , why didn't you cover the school shooting that happened that very week ? And I kind of have one answer to this because that school shooting wasn't being celebrated . There's a massive difference in tragedy happening all over our nation to horrible things people's lives being taken . It's horrible , but it's a whole other level when we have people quite a few in mass celebrating the death , and I think that is a whole new issue that we're dealing with . Humanity has fallen . The moral decay is more than I even imagined and we should all be alarmed . Also , you know , charlie was a Christian . He proclaimed the gospel , and so for me he proclaimed the gospel , and so for me it does trigger something in me . I see pastors stand up on stages all the time every weekend in front of crowds they don't know . We cannot live in a country where pastors are afraid of being shot for teaching the Bible . This is a moment in time when all of us should pause and say what just happened here .

Speaker 1 3:08

As for politics , I've had some people ask me political questions in the DMs and here's what I'm going to say publicly . I think both parties are absolutely flawed . They evolve , they change . Our true , only hope is in Jesus . Now I know in your home you're probably going to need to get into the details of politics with your kids . I want you to do that . If your kids are small and young , this is a little easier . I'm just going to be honest because you're going to share

Political Conversations with Kids

Speaker 1 3:48

your political opinion and they'll probably agree and say okay . But as your kid gets older and they're exposed to more thoughts online , your kid may ask questions or challenge your opinion .

Speaker 1 4:03

Please be careful with how you respond to your child . You cannot go off on your child for speaking a different political opinion in your home . Please , your kid is more important than your candidate . Your kid is more important than your political stance . We say avoid crazy parent mode a lot around here . It is a Next Talk core practice . This is why when we overreact or don't have a good response , it shuts down all communication . Have a good response , it shuts down all communication . Then , parents , you lose the voice in your child's life . Some of them go no contact because of political differences .

Speaker 1 4:55

Christian parents listen . I want to speak directly to you here for a moment , because we're honestly terrible at this . I am terrible at this . I have been terrible at this . I'm a work in progress because we have strong biblical principles that we live by and we have conviction about them . We feel called to uphold them in our world and through politics . I get it in our world and through politics . I get it . But if your kid questions you , please do not respond in anger or hate . Please . How you treat people who disagree with your biblical principles will determine how much your kid listens to you . Does your child see you loving people and being kind to the people you disagree with ? If you are standing true on biblical principles and defaulting to love , like Jesus did , you will be modeling Jesus well in your home . But if you are demonizing , using slurs or wishing death on another human being , using slurs or wishing death on another human being or wishing a

Violence is Not the Solution

Speaker 1 6:09

whole group of people would go away , check your heart . That is not who Jesus was . For this conversation .

Speaker 1 6:16

If you are dealing with an older kid and you and your teens don't agree politically , I need you to zoom out Because , honestly , the conversation does not have to be political . It can be broken down very simple . A man got murdered . Is that okay ? Executing someone to silence them is wrong . Now your kid may say , well , but he talked about X , y and Z and I don't think that's right . Okay , should he be murdered for it ? That is the question . We can disagree , but not wish death or violence upon people . Also , as you are talking politics or anything controversial , a good question to ask your kid is this why does the other side feel this way ? Like what does the other side say ? Right , and you want to look at this side . You want to look at this side and then talk about , from a biblical standpoint , okay , what would Jesus do ? Also , on these both sides , you have to remember that there is an extreme over here and there's an extreme over here , and normally the extremes are what is screaming the loudest . So you need to . You need to be able to have these conversations with your kids . Listen , I don't want you to lose the voice in your kid's life and I don't want you to lose your kid over politics .

Speaker 1 7:55

We just released a show with a veteran police officer of 15 years . He has three kids . We recorded the show before Charlie Kirk happened , so it didn't have anything to do with this situation . But at the end of the show he describes how he uses his de-escalation training to resolve heated conversations in his home and also when he's responding to police calls . One of the things he said was kids already get a little defensive because they recognize the parent is the authority in the home , right , and so , just like when he shows up on a call for a police officer , people are already defensive because he's the position of authority as a police officer . He said one , you got to just recognize that . But then two , he also says something really great .

Speaker 1 8:49

He said as you're getting on the scene of this thing and emotions are high and there's a heated thing happening , a heated conversation or a heated argument happening , he said

How Teens Get Radicalized Online

Speaker 1 9:01

you have to be a really good listener , listen to both sides , understand what they're trying to tell you . And then he said hurt people , hurt people . You guys , we're all hurting right now . Do I see extremists online gloating and it's evil ? Yes , but I know Republicans and Democrats in my own life and everybody's hurting right now . We are just like what in the world ? Don't let your overreaction spill onto your kid and hurt the relationship , because you are hurt right now . You cannot turn around and hurt your child and say horrible things to them if they do not believe the same thing as you believe .

Speaker 1 9:49

As you're talking about different political parties in your home , please reiterate political parties change . Yeah , you can talk about what each party stands for today and all of those talking points Great . But guess what ? In 10 years , the parties may flip-flop . The parties may believe something else . You know who does not change God . Don't put your faith in political parties . God is the one who does not change .

Speaker 1 10:20

Everyone , no matter what political party you come from , should denounce violence . We should all have a conversation with our kids where we say , even if I hate what another person believes , I would never wish harm on that individual . Can we all unite on this one issue Violence is not the solution . Even if I don't agree with everything a person says , I saw a quote this weekend and it was so wise , and here's what it said Words are not violence , violence is violence . I don't know who said it , but it's true . And also , you have to remember , I don't agree a hundred percent with anyone , not with Charlie , not Republicans , not Democrats . Only Jesus is the one who I agree with a hundred percent and what I will surrender my life to as you navigate these conversations in your home from a biblical perspective . Instead of a political debate , I want to encourage you to watch two sermons that I've watched and I thought

Strategic Approach to Prevent Your Kid from being Radicalized

Speaker 1 11:33

were really good Josh Howerton at Lake Point Church in Dallas . Ed Newton at Community Bible Church in San Antonio . Both are excellent sources on how do you talk to your kids from a biblical perspective .

Speaker 1 11:48

As we shift gears here to what I mentioned in the beginning of the podcast , I wanted to talk to you about kids being radicalized online . It has been reported that the shooter was a quote unquote Reddit kid . I do not know this family . I , like you , have heard that the dad turned in his own son . I cannot imagine the heartbreak of this mom and dad right now . I think we all need to pray for this family . I also read this week that the Evergreen Colorado shooter was radicalized online , and here's what I want to tell you about kids going down a deep , dark path online . It could be any of our children . When we give our kids online access , their world opens up and they can be radicalized fast .

Speaker 1 12:45

As a parent , you have no control over who or what is influencing them . This is why Next Talk actually exists . We focus on three things One , create a strategic plan on how to parent tech in your home . You cannot give too much too fast . Two , build a healthy relationship where no topic is off limits . We have to talk about every cultural trend or ideology that our kids are seeing and hearing about . And three , we help parents define a moral compass .

Speaker 1 13:20

Now , for me , it's Jesus , obviously Christian , but we serve a lot of families at Next Talk who are not Christian . Right , it's your family , your choice on what the moral compass needs to be in your home , but we have to define it for them . And I think this whole situation is a perfect talking point of okay , we may not believe in the Bible , but we do believe murder is wrong . Right , what determines right and wrong in our world ? Kids need to know that . As a Christian , it's easy for me because I just say biblical truth . We're going to look to God to tell us what's right and wrong , and I don't have to figure it out . For those of you who don't believe that , what is your moral compass and how do you define it for your child ? Let me give you an example of how Next Talk can keep a kid from being radicalized .

Speaker 1 14:09

Okay , so we have something called red flag reporting and we say you need to implement this three up . And if you don't know what this is , it's go to our website . You can go under free guides and it's red flags . There there's a section for Christian based or non-faith . This guide it's completely free . The red flag reporting .

Speaker 1 14:35

What we want to do is create a list of things we want our kids to tell us about . Okay , it's just that simple , like if you hear this on the playground , if you hear this on the bus , if you see it on roadblocks , these are the things I want to tell you . And there's , there's a list . There's all kinds of stuff stuff to catch pornography . There's a phrase to catch sexuality in a way that it doesn't overexpose a three-year-old right , and so one of the things on this list is any word , phrase or idea you don't know .

Speaker 1 15:06

You need to be implementing this with your three , four and five-year-olds . You need to say if there is ever a new word or an idea that you're curious about , please don't Google that , please don't just let it be in your brain . A red flag should go off to come home and ask me right , anytime , honey , that you're like . Hmm , I wonder what that means . Red flag alert go ask mom or dad .

Speaker 1 15:35

If you do this , starting at three , four and five , you're going to have so many teachable moments through the years . You're going to have something pop up in a movie . You're going to have something pop up at a neighbor's house and they're going to bring it to you because they hear a new word or phrase or idea . And then , when they do , you are going to avoid crazy parent mode , not overreact but say thank you so much for telling me . This is how we are intentional about building open communication through the years . You're not going to laugh at their question . You're not going to laugh at their question . You're not going to freak out . You're calmly going to explain what it means in age-appropriate terms , but you're going to praise that kid every single time . Thank you so much for asking me .

Speaker 1 16:28

As the kid gets older say it's a son , he's going to earn a phone . No social media at first . You know our rule on that . We commit to no screens in bedrooms or bathrooms until at least age 17 . When you're preparing them to move out of your home , you put all this structure in place and then they earn one social media platform at a time as they start to report new things to you . This happened in the bathroom today . I need to talk to you . Okay , thank you so much for telling me . We're going to talk about this .

Speaker 1 17:03

Red flag reporting eventually will move into what we call family packs , so we take the kid language and then we just create a reporting list . So when you move into family packs , you know you're going to be saying the real words , like you're going to tell me about pornography , you're going to tell me about hate speech , you're going to tell me when you see somebody wanting to be violent , that that is one of them on there . Standard operating procedure , because they have been taught since they were three years old that when I have a new word , phrase or idea pop in my brain , I need to go talk to mom or dad . Now , does it change over time ? Yes , as your kids get older , they may start to be able to Google it on their own and research it and look into it . But the more they do , the more that habit is going to form of you know what

Move from Protect to Prepare

Speaker 1 17:55

? I probably need to talk to mom or dad about this . Let me take my research to them . Let me see what they think about it as they get more exposure to the world . Listen , they're experiencing small doses of culture Every time your kid hears something new and then he's able to come talk to you about it . You're building a safe place .

Speaker 1 18:21

Through the years , your kid may stumble along the way . Your kid may get into online gambling or porn or whatever it is , and they confide in you because they're used to being able to talk to you . Guess what that's when that default to love is so important . No shame , I'm so proud of you for telling me . I'm so sorry you're struggling with this . We're going to walk hand in hand together with it . Tell your kids trust me more than people online right . Trust people in real life that have poured into your life more than online voices . This catches so much radicalization if you can drill this into their brain from three and four and five years old In the still small corner of the internet , when your kid is exposed to violence or murder or glorifying killing people .

Speaker 1 19:19

If you have done this and practice this intentional , open communication from three years old , do you think your kid may confide in you ? He's had that reporting list on your fridge since he was three and he comes and tells you these things as they pop in his brain . We have got to create this kind of open communication in our home . Keeping your kid from being radicalized online starts years before you actually give them any online access . Here's why I get so frustrated with general messaging of just don't give your kids social media till you're 16 . I can get on board with that . If we say these things you can only have social media until you're 16 and you do this , this and this because you're proving to me that you're ready for this . What is that proving to me that you're ready for this ? Confiding in you reporting things to you , all the things that start with the red flag reporting at three years old ? It's the only reason our kids should be earning more tech access . They should never get social media if you have not been working with them for years on building open communication . Sometimes these general messages of just wait until your kid is 16 , it's like you just wait , wait , wait , wait , wait , just hold out , don't fall into peer pressure . And then 16 , it's a free-for-all and they get six social media apps . Guess what ? They're going to be radicalized online fast , even though you waited until 16 , because you have not been preparing the relationship for years for them to get online and be safe . Listen to me Every conversation you have with your kids , from three on up , on building open communication in your home , it is either going to build up or tear down your relationship . And if your kid confides in you and you post that all over Facebook , you have lost them . They are not going to talk to you .

Speaker 1 21:30

It is scary to raise kids in this world , and I get it . When they are little , we protect them . We can shield them , safeguard , shelter them . It's easier as they grow . You have to move from protect to prepare . What I mean by that is you protect your kids from the world and then , as they get exposed to it , you have to prepare your kids to live in it .

Speaker 1 21:59

I almost miss this In my 21 years of being a mom . I almost miss this because I wanted to protect , protect , protect , and then I would not have conversations because I didn't want to expose them to anything and I missed so many opportunities because I was being a helicopter mom . Move from protect to prepare and I want you to shift your mind to think . Prepare means build the safe place , create open communication . Put those reporting guidelines , that list , in place . If you don't like our red flag , create your own list of things you want your child to tell you , and then practice for years building them coming to you , confiding you what they've seen , you not overreacting , and this beautiful relationship forms . This is how we keep our kids safe in an overexposed , radicalized culture . Rules and restrictions are good culture .

Speaker 2 23:15

Rules and restrictions are good , but it's really about the relationship . Next Talk is a 501c3 nonprofit keeping kids safe online . To support our work , make a donation at nexttalkorg . Next Talk resources are not intended to replace the advice of a trained healthcare or legal professional , or to diagnose , treat or otherwise render expert advice regarding any type of medical , psychological , legal , financial or other problem . You are advised to consult a qualified expert for your personal treatment plan .