Charlie Kirk: Talking to Kids about Violence, Politics and Radicalization

How do I talk to my children about violence and politics from a faith perspective? If my kid and I disagree on politics, what should I do? How can I prevent my child from being radicalized online? The horrifying execution of Charlie Kirk has forced parents to confront these questions head-on.

Chapters

• 0:00 When Violence Goes Viral: Responding to Charlie Kirk's Death
• 3:48 Political Conversations with Kids
• 6:09 Violence is Not the Solution
• 9:01 How Teens Get Radicalized Online
• 11:33 Strategic Approach to Prevent Your Kid from being Radicalized
• 17:55 Move from Protect to Prepare

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Welcome to the Next Talk podcast. We are a nonprofit passionate about keeping kids safe online. We're learning together how to navigate tech, culture and faith with our kids. How do we talk to our kids about Charlie Kirk? I've been posting a few things over on social media. My first post was about talking to your kids about the video of his death, and I have a lot of talking points over there. You can go read that. But my main point is this Our kids are so desensitized. We all witnessed a man being executed and then right after that, we may have seen a basketball reel or a funny reel. Our brains are not meant to go from seeing a human life taken and then shift so easily to another tab being open in our brain about something that is simple. This is a whole new world. We should try to stop and process and grieve the taking of a life Again. There's more talking points over there on our social media. Maybe it's the desensitization conversation. Maybe it's your kid is asking why did God allow this to happen? We have some bullet points over there that you can go look at.

Speaker 1: 1:24

But then I also did another post about the possibility that the shooter was radicalized online. We see this a lot with mass shootings and I want to talk about this a little more. But first, before I dive into that radicalization, I did get some messages asking why so much outrage over Charlie Kirk? Like, why didn't you cover the school shooting that happened that very week? And I kind of have one answer to this because that school shooting wasn't being celebrated. There's a massive difference in tragedy happening all over our nation to horrible things people's lives being taken. It's horrible, but it's a whole other level when we have people quite a few in mass celebrating the death, and I think that is a whole new issue that we're dealing with. Humanity has fallen. The moral decay is more than I even imagined and we should all be alarmed. Also, you know, charlie was a Christian. He proclaimed the gospel, and so for me he proclaimed the gospel, and so for me it does trigger something in me. I see pastors stand up on stages all the time every weekend in front of crowds they don't know. We cannot live in a country where pastors are afraid of being shot for teaching the Bible. This is a moment in time when all of us should pause and say what just happened here.

Speaker 1: 3:08

As for politics, I've had some people ask me political questions in the DMs and here's what I'm going to say publicly. I think both parties are absolutely flawed. They evolve, they change. Our true, only hope is in Jesus. Now I know in your home you're probably going to need to get into the details of politics with your kids. I want you to do that. If your kids are small and young, this is a little easier. I'm just going to be honest because you're going to share your political opinion and they'll probably agree and say okay. But as your kid gets older and they're exposed to more thoughts online, your kid may ask questions or challenge your opinion.

Speaker 1: 4:03

Please be careful with how you respond to your child. You cannot go off on your child for speaking a different political opinion in your home. Please, your kid is more important than your candidate. Your kid is more important than your political stance. We say avoid crazy parent mode a lot around here. It is a Next Talk core practice. This is why when we overreact or don't have a good response, it shuts down all communication. Have a good response, it shuts down all communication. Then, parents, you lose the voice in your child's life. Some of them go no contact because of political differences.

Speaker 1: 4:55

Christian parents listen. I want to speak directly to you here for a moment, because we're honestly terrible at this. I am terrible at this. I have been terrible at this. I'm a work in progress because we have strong biblical principles that we live by and we have conviction about them. We feel called to uphold them in our world and through politics. I get it in our world and through politics. I get it. But if your kid questions you, please do not respond in anger or hate. Please. How you treat people who disagree with your biblical principles will determine how much your kid listens to you. Does your child see you loving people and being kind to the people you disagree with? If you are standing true on biblical principles and defaulting to love, like Jesus did, you will be modeling Jesus well in your home. But if you are demonizing, using slurs or wishing death on another human being, using slurs or wishing death on another human being or wishing a whole group of people would go away, check your heart. That is not who Jesus was. For this conversation.

Speaker 1: 6:16

If you are dealing with an older kid and you and your teens don't agree politically, I need you to zoom out Because, honestly, the conversation does not have to be political. It can be broken down very simple. A man got murdered. Is that okay? Executing someone to silence them is wrong. Now your kid may say, well, but he talked about X, y and Z and I don't think that's right. Okay, should he be murdered for it? That is the question. We can disagree, but not wish death or violence upon people. Also, as you are talking politics or anything controversial, a good question to ask your kid is this why does the other side feel this way? Like what does the other side say? Right, and you want to look at this side. You want to look at this side and then talk about, from a biblical standpoint, okay, what would Jesus do? Also, on these both sides, you have to remember that there is an extreme over here and there's an extreme over here, and normally the extremes are what is screaming the loudest. So you need to. You need to be able to have these conversations with your kids. Listen, I don't want you to lose the voice in your kid's life and I don't want you to lose your kid over politics.

Speaker 1: 7:55

We just released a show with a veteran police officer of 15 years. He has three kids. We recorded the show before Charlie Kirk happened, so it didn't have anything to do with this situation. But at the end of the show he describes how he uses his de-escalation training to resolve heated conversations in his home and also when he's responding to police calls. One of the things he said was kids already get a little defensive because they recognize the parent is the authority in the home, right, and so, just like when he shows up on a call for a police officer, people are already defensive because he's the position of authority as a police officer. He said one, you got to just recognize that. But then two, he also says something really great.

Speaker 1: 8:49

He said as you're getting on the scene of this thing and emotions are high and there's a heated thing happening, a heated conversation or a heated argument happening, he said you have to be a really good listener, listen to both sides, understand what they're trying to tell you. And then he said hurt people, hurt people. You guys, we're all hurting right now. Do I see extremists online gloating and it's evil? Yes, but I know Republicans and Democrats in my own life and everybody's hurting right now. We are just like what in the world? Don't let your overreaction spill onto your kid and hurt the relationship, because you are hurt right now. You cannot turn around and hurt your child and say horrible things to them if they do not believe the same thing as you believe.

Speaker 1: 9:49

As you're talking about different political parties in your home, please reiterate political parties change. Yeah, you can talk about what each party stands for today and all of those talking points Great. But guess what? In 10 years, the parties may flip-flop. The parties may believe something else. You know who does not change God. Don't put your faith in political parties. God is the one who does not change.

Speaker 1: 10:20

Everyone, no matter what political party you come from, should denounce violence. We should all have a conversation with our kids where we say, even if I hate what another person believes, I would never wish harm on that individual. Can we all unite on this one issue Violence is not the solution. Even if I don't agree with everything a person says, I saw a quote this weekend and it was so wise, and here's what it said Words are not violence, violence is violence. I don't know who said it, but it's true. And also, you have to remember, I don't agree a hundred percent with anyone, not with Charlie, not Republicans, not Democrats. Only Jesus is the one who I agree with a hundred percent and what I will surrender my life to as you navigate these conversations in your home from a biblical perspective. Instead of a political debate, I want to encourage you to watch two sermons that I've watched and I thought were really good Josh Howerton at Lake Point Church in Dallas. Ed Newton at Community Bible Church in San Antonio. Both are excellent sources on how do you talk to your kids from a biblical perspective.

Speaker 1: 11:48

As we shift gears here to what I mentioned in the beginning of the podcast, I wanted to talk to you about kids being radicalized online. It has been reported that the shooter was a quote unquote Reddit kid. I do not know this family. I, like you, have heard that the dad turned in his own son. I cannot imagine the heartbreak of this mom and dad right now. I think we all need to pray for this family. I also read this week that the Evergreen Colorado shooter was radicalized online, and here's what I want to tell you about kids going down a deep, dark path online. It could be any of our children. When we give our kids online access, their world opens up and they can be radicalized fast.

Speaker 1: 12:45

As a parent, you have no control over who or what is influencing them. This is why Next Talk actually exists. We focus on three things One, create a strategic plan on how to parent tech in your home. You cannot give too much too fast. Two, build a healthy relationship where no topic is off limits. We have to talk about every cultural trend or ideology that our kids are seeing and hearing about. And three, we help parents define a moral compass.

Speaker 1: 13:20

Now, for me, it's Jesus, obviously Christian, but we serve a lot of families at Next Talk who are not Christian. Right, it's your family, your choice on what the moral compass needs to be in your home, but we have to define it for them. And I think this whole situation is a perfect talking point of okay, we may not believe in the Bible, but we do believe murder is wrong. Right, what determines right and wrong in our world? Kids need to know that. As a Christian, it's easy for me because I just say biblical truth. We're going to look to God to tell us what's right and wrong, and I don't have to figure it out. For those of you who don't believe that, what is your moral compass and how do you define it for your child? Let me give you an example of how Next Talk can keep a kid from being radicalized.

Speaker 1: 14:09

Okay, so we have something called red flag reporting and we say you need to implement this three up. And if you don't know what this is, it's go to our website. You can go under free guides and it's red flags. There there's a section for Christian based or non-faith. This guide it's completely free. The red flag reporting.

Speaker 1: 14:35

What we want to do is create a list of things we want our kids to tell us about. Okay, it's just that simple, like if you hear this on the playground, if you hear this on the bus, if you see it on roadblocks, these are the things I want to tell you. And there's, there's a list. There's all kinds of stuff stuff to catch pornography. There's a phrase to catch sexuality in a way that it doesn't overexpose a three-year-old right, and so one of the things on this list is any word, phrase or idea you don't know.

Speaker 1: 15:06

You need to be implementing this with your three, four and five-year-olds. You need to say if there is ever a new word or an idea that you're curious about, please don't Google that, please don't just let it be in your brain. A red flag should go off to come home and ask me right, anytime, honey, that you're like. Hmm, I wonder what that means. Red flag alert go ask mom or dad.

Speaker 1: 15:35

If you do this, starting at three, four and five, you're going to have so many teachable moments through the years. You're going to have something pop up in a movie. You're going to have something pop up at a neighbor's house and they're going to bring it to you because they hear a new word or phrase or idea. And then, when they do, you are going to avoid crazy parent mode, not overreact but say thank you so much for telling me. This is how we are intentional about building open communication through the years. You're not going to laugh at their question. You're not going to laugh at their question. You're not going to freak out. You're calmly going to explain what it means in age-appropriate terms, but you're going to praise that kid every single time. Thank you so much for asking me.

Speaker 1: 16:28

As the kid gets older say it's a son, he's going to earn a phone. No social media at first. You know our rule on that. We commit to no screens in bedrooms or bathrooms until at least age 17. When you're preparing them to move out of your home, you put all this structure in place and then they earn one social media platform at a time as they start to report new things to you. This happened in the bathroom today. I need to talk to you. Okay, thank you so much for telling me. We're going to talk about this.

Speaker 1: 17:03

Red flag reporting eventually will move into what we call family packs, so we take the kid language and then we just create a reporting list. So when you move into family packs, you know you're going to be saying the real words, like you're going to tell me about pornography, you're going to tell me about hate speech, you're going to tell me when you see somebody wanting to be violent, that that is one of them on there. Standard operating procedure, because they have been taught since they were three years old that when I have a new word, phrase or idea pop in my brain, I need to go talk to mom or dad. Now, does it change over time? Yes, as your kids get older, they may start to be able to Google it on their own and research it and look into it. But the more they do, the more that habit is going to form of you know what? I probably need to talk to mom or dad about this. Let me take my research to them. Let me see what they think about it as they get more exposure to the world. Listen, they're experiencing small doses of culture Every time your kid hears something new and then he's able to come talk to you about it. You're building a safe place.

Speaker 1: 18:21

Through the years, your kid may stumble along the way. Your kid may get into online gambling or porn or whatever it is, and they confide in you because they're used to being able to talk to you. Guess what that's when that default to love is so important. No shame, I'm so proud of you for telling me. I'm so sorry you're struggling with this. We're going to walk hand in hand together with it. Tell your kids trust me more than people online right. Trust people in real life that have poured into your life more than online voices. This catches so much radicalization if you can drill this into their brain from three and four and five years old In the still small corner of the internet, when your kid is exposed to violence or murder or glorifying killing people.

Speaker 1: 19:19

If you have done this and practice this intentional, open communication from three years old, do you think your kid may confide in you? He's had that reporting list on your fridge since he was three and he comes and tells you these things as they pop in his brain. We have got to create this kind of open communication in our home. Keeping your kid from being radicalized online starts years before you actually give them any online access. Here's why I get so frustrated with general messaging of just don't give your kids social media till you're 16. I can get on board with that. If we say these things you can only have social media until you're 16 and you do this, this and this because you're proving to me that you're ready for this. What is that proving to me that you're ready for this? Confiding in you reporting things to you, all the things that start with the red flag reporting at three years old? It's the only reason our kids should be earning more tech access. They should never get social media if you have not been working with them for years on building open communication. Sometimes these general messages of just wait until your kid is 16, it's like you just wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, just hold out, don't fall into peer pressure. And then 16, it's a free-for-all and they get six social media apps. Guess what? They're going to be radicalized online fast, even though you waited until 16, because you have not been preparing the relationship for years for them to get online and be safe. Listen to me Every conversation you have with your kids, from three on up, on building open communication in your home, it is either going to build up or tear down your relationship. And if your kid confides in you and you post that all over Facebook, you have lost them. They are not going to talk to you.

Speaker 1: 21:30

It is scary to raise kids in this world, and I get it. When they are little, we protect them. We can shield them, safeguard, shelter them. It's easier as they grow. You have to move from protect to prepare. What I mean by that is you protect your kids from the world and then, as they get exposed to it, you have to prepare your kids to live in it.

Speaker 1: 21:59

I almost miss this In my 21 years of being a mom. I almost miss this because I wanted to protect, protect, protect, and then I would not have conversations because I didn't want to expose them to anything and I missed so many opportunities because I was being a helicopter mom. Move from protect to prepare and I want you to shift your mind to think. Prepare means build the safe place, create open communication. Put those reporting guidelines, that list, in place. If you don't like our red flag, create your own list of things you want your child to tell you, and then practice for years building them coming to you, confiding you what they've seen, you not overreacting, and this beautiful relationship forms. This is how we keep our kids safe in an overexposed, radicalized culture. Rules and restrictions are good culture.

Speaker 2: 23:15

Rules and restrictions are good, but it's really about the relationship. Next Talk is a 501c3 nonprofit keeping kids safe online. To support our work, make a donation at nexttalkorg. Next Talk resources are not intended to replace the advice of a trained healthcare or legal professional, or to diagnose, treat or otherwise render expert advice regarding any type of medical, psychological, legal, financial or other problem. You are advised to consult a qualified expert for your personal treatment plan.