Putting Your Life on the Line

What does a veteran police officer with 15 years of experience know about raising kids in the digital age? Doug Greene brings a unique perspective to parenting that blends his professional training with his faith. Rather than focus solely on technical safeguards, Officer Greene prioritizes developing spiritual discernment in his children, and perhaps most fascinating is how he applies police de-escalation techniques to parenting teenagers.

Chapters

• 0:01 Meet Officer Doug Green
• 4:01 Called to Policing Ministry
• 8:57 The Weight of the Badge
• 14:14 Developing Spiritual Discernment in Children
• 19:24 Compassion Fatigue and Finding Strength
• 27:40 Police Training Applied to Parenting
• 33:33 Closing Advice for Parents

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Welcome to the Next Talk podcast. We are a nonprofit passionate about keeping kids safe online. We're learning together how to navigate tech, culture and faith with our kids. I am here with Doug Green today. He is a Christian, a husband, a dad and a police officer of 15 years.

Speaker 2: 0:26

Doug welcome to the show. Tell us a little bit more about yourself. I know I gave a lot of the big things right there.

Speaker 3: 0:36

Well, thank you, mandy. It's such an honor to be on the show. Thank you for the invite to be on the show. Thank you for the invite, mandy. You're not just my friend, you are my sister, you are very close to my wife, and your mission, your kingdom calling, has had a direct impact on our family, and so I want to thank you for your submission, your obedience, and I also know that that comes with some weight to carry and it takes work and stress, but you know why you're here on this planet, and so I'm just.

Speaker 3: 1:14

It's always good to be in conversation with good people who have passion, and that's why I feel God led me into the world of policing. And you know, ever since I was a little boy Mandy again, it's all God when I look back on it but whenever I saw a police car or a police officer, I stopped everything that I was doing If I was playing ball or, you know, hanging out with family. If I saw a police, I stopped and I just stared at them and it was like the police car was moving in slow motion, the police officer was walking in slow motion. They were like superheroes to me, like Superman standing on top of the Empire State Building and his cape is flapping in the wind so slowly. And I knew that there's something special about these human beings who make the free will decision to go to the danger and not away from it. And I recognized that at an early age and it captured my heart, it captured my attention, but, I would be honest, I didn't think that I was going to become a police officer. And as the years went by and I later found out that my great grandmother was the eighth African-American female officer that the Los Angeles Police Department had hired, I was like wow, it's in the blood. And I learned a little bit about her passion. I never got the opportunity to meet her, but I learned about her passion for the youth and for serving people.

Speaker 3: 2:55

And it wasn't until I was 29 years old and the good Lord said are you ready? And I knew, with that question, that that was, that was a statement. It's time to step into the ministry of policing. And when there was a lot of a lot was within that question. Mandy is Doug, are you willing to lay your life on the line for complete strangers? Are you ready to go towards the danger and not away from it?

Speaker 3: 3:28

And, mandy, it was an absolute to this day. Yes, within my soul, yes, I recognize that I have beautiful wife, beautiful family, but if I find myself in a situation where somebody desperately needs help, I am going in, I'm going all in with my training, with my experience, to help. I just it's visceral, it's divine. And so my journey over the past 15 years has been a very challenging but also a very rewarding journey. And, mandy, I initially thought that I became a police officer to serve the community that God called me to, and that was only a part of it.

Speaker 3: 4:12

I was able to see that the men and women who do put on these capes are human as well and they are really struggling and they need guidance. And some of us have lost our purpose along the way and need to be reminded on who we work for, and so I always reference my Lord and Savior, jesus Christ, as Chief JC. He's the chief, that's who we work for, and if you can get that into that perspective, that changes the game on how you do, not just being a police officer, but being a husband, being a dad, being everything. This has been a remarkable journey. I'm just, day by day, trying to stay obedient, submissive to what God has called me to and he has blessed me with just an amazing, strong wife.

Speaker 3: 5:03

You know, you wives have a hard job dealing with us dads, us husbands. You know. But I tell you what, in policing the officers, we have to process a lot of things that we're exposed to, and sometimes it's hard to walk into the house after a shift, and sometimes it's hard to walk into the house after a shift, and so my wife can just look at me and she already knows okay, he needs 30 minutes, he needs an hour or, yeah, he's sitting in the driveway. He hasn't come into the house yet because he's processing and trying to prepare himself to be the best husband and dad that he can be before he walks into the front door.

Speaker 1: 5:48

I'm so glad I was actually going to ask about that because you paint such a beautiful picture. I think we take so for granted the service that you guys provide and the personal baggage that that brings into your home of what you see every day. We take it for granted and thank you for your service, thank you for any police officer out there that is listening. But I was going to ask about how important is it to have a strong spouse, that when you walk in the door and you've had a horrible day, like how tough is it? I mean because this is a family thing and then also the conversations that you've had to have with your spouse and your children about like I run into the danger and this is like how do you process that as a family?

Speaker 3: 6:42

Yeah, you know what the first answer to that is? We're turning to God first. We're turning to our faith in that each and every one of us has a calling and a purpose for being here, and my calling, daddy's calling, is serving humanity through the ministry of policing is serving humanity through the ministry of policing. If I was not in sync with my calling, you may have a different dad interacting with you.

Speaker 3: 7:16

You deserve a dad that's pursuing their calling, and I think when your soul is out of sync and you're doing something that you think that you should be doing, that can come with some frustration, that can come with some emotions that then could spill over to the people that you love. And so I encourage my wife, I encourage my kids, I encourage everybody, I encourage your listeners to pursue your calling. You are on this planet for a reason. It is so fulfilling to the soul when you can find that. And so everybody is of the understanding that, yes, it is a dangerous job, but dad is doing what he loves to do and if, for any reason, the good Lord decides to take daddy home by means of him pursuing his calling, Wow, what an honor, dad. We're proud of you.

Speaker 1: 8:10

Just respect, just so much respect there to have the courage to step into the calling and be obedient, even when you know it's going to be very difficult.

Speaker 3: 8:21

Absolutely, Mandy. You know, what you just said reminds me of my chief. My chief, Jesus Christ, is exactly that's exactly what he did. He came here to this planet and did what he was called to do, knowing the dangers and knowing that he would have to lay his life on the line. But what does the scripture say? No greater love, right, no greater love. And so it really is a beautiful thing.

Speaker 1: 8:52

You have so much experience and you're raising three kids. How old are your kids now?

Speaker 3: 8:57

So I have now. I have a 16 year old, a 12 year old and a 10 year old. You are getting the thick of it Elementary, middle school and high school all at once, right?

Speaker 4: 9:08

now.

Speaker 2: 9:08

This is why I'm having trouble getting together with your wife for coffee, because three different schools right now. Yes.

Speaker 1: 9:16

Yeah. So I want to talk about that because you've seen a lot and I want to specifically ask you, with all of your experience, what are some things that you tell your kids? Be on the lookout for this, watch out for this, Like what? What are some red flags? Just general stuff about protecting them online, Cause I'm they, they have phones, right, they have their technology. You guys are teaching them responsibly how to use technology. Give us some idea of those kinds of conversations, because I think you bring so much wisdom with your work that you do in the police force.

Speaker 3: 9:54

Yeah, well, first and foremost and there are times that hurt people, hurt people and we, first and foremost I feel I need to focus on the moral compass and make sure that my children are spiritually healthy, and by doing that, that is going to enhance their discernment. And so so, even to the point to where I may not give them the right advice, but if I'm continuing to continue to point them to Christ, the Holy Spirit will, first and foremost, raise something, say okay, wait a minute, something's not right here, something that is not jiving right with my spirit. So that's my first advice for parents is just okay. These are our children, are a gift to us and it is our responsibility to steward them properly. They belong to the Lord. They are a gift to us to steward them properly. And the best thing that I can give is there is a tool that's over thousands of years old. It's called the Bible. We have a lot of great tools, what Mandy's doing? Giving us some great tools, but this thing here has not changed and it's very powerful and impactful. But also, just, you know, listening to just the language of people, and if there's some hate speech, if there is some profanity, you can tell when somebody is hurt and but is somebody just being overly nice to welcoming? You kind of have to discern through those things, and so I am always trying to encourage my children to keep your head on the swivel.

Speaker 3: 12:00

Those who are in the law enforcement that may be listening right now. They know exactly what I'm saying is it's okay to be where you're at, but just be aware and look to your left, check that, look to your right, look behind you, make sure that everything is okay, because things happen really quickly and if you're not careful, you can find yourself in a dangerous situation, and so those are just some of the key things that I just tell them just to be aware of. There are some dangerous, dangerous people out there that want to take advantage of them and other people, and what I've found, mandy, in my career as dealing with a lot of suspects and you probably know this already, mandy is they are experiencing their own trauma as well, and a majority of the time as I'm watching them being interviewed by detectives, and when the detectives bring up, hey, you know, tell me about your family life, they get really quiet or they get very emotional, and it always reverts back to someone that was close to them that broke that trust, back to someone that was close to them. That broke that trust and then they became numb to love and next thing, they know they are doing things that they feel like they can't turn back and they've caught themselves in a very dark space. So just continuing to have that constant conversation, I know I hear a lot of people say when they come across the police so you arrest the bad guys, right Is what people would say, and the kids would say and said no, I have to hold people who make bad decisions accountable, and so every time I found myself making an arrest for someone, I looked at it as an opportunity to try and help them understand.

Speaker 3: 13:56

I'm not doing this to hurt them, I'm doing this to help them. And what? What can we do after this experience to have to have a better experience? So I I'm saying all of this yes, people need to be held accountable, but I there is a level of compassion as well that we need to have towards who we call these perps and these suspects. Yes, they need to go, have their freedom taken away so that they can understand that what they're doing is wrong, but we also need to pray for them and understand that they are a child that has been hurt as well.

Speaker 1: 14:28

I love your answer here, doug, because it's not like a list of things like watch out for this, watch out for that. You are zooming out and you're going into your kid's heart and discipling your kid's heart. Here You're saying Mandy, this is the number one thing to protect my kids from online dangers and in-person dangers. Right, and I absolutely adore that. You don't villainize people. I loved how you started out with saying hurt people, hurt people. We're all broken. And if I can see the humanity in this person, I may not like what they chose to do. I may believe there needs to be consequences for that, but I'm looking past that. It's a person who needs a savior.

Speaker 3: 15:11

Absolutely, and I want everybody to know again. I've listened to your podcast and I haven't heard one perfect parent come on the podcast yet. And we're all trying, that's OK. The good Lord is requiring persistence, which will create perseverance. He knows that we're not perfect. That's what Jesus, that's what Chief JC. He took care of that perfection part. We have to continue to pursue him.

Speaker 3: 15:40

But earlier in my police career and I was new to this power that was given to me I have the power to take freedom from someone. I have the power to take a dad or a mother from their family, someone. I have the power to take a dad or a mother from their family. I have the power to possibly take a life.

Speaker 3: 16:00

When I was initially engaging with people who were doing hurtful things in the community, it was frustrating me. As I mentioned earlier, ever since I was a little boy I've had this admiration for police officers and I also had this, a little bit of this anger towards bullies. So if I'm in the playground and I see somebody bullying somebody, I Doug Green's on the way. I'm addressing that as a new officer with a lot of power. I was not. I don't think I was in that healthier of a space when I don't think I was in that healthier of a space when I don't think I had that much compassion initially for those who were doing these just hurtful, mean things. And then, once you make that arrest, now they are cussing you out and saying what they're going to do to your family and I again, I just want to be completely frank and honest with people. There are times that I have, uh, I've never gone out of uh, uh, overboard, but there are times when they were given to me verbally, I gave it back. I gave it back. You know, I just I had my weak moments, but also it was just I was just frustrated with why would you make this decision to hurt this elderly person, this child, this, these folks? And, uh, it took a little while, it took some good guidance from one of my chaplains, one of my dear friends, to help remind me again of my purpose and my calling.

Speaker 3: 17:30

But again, this is uh, it's a work in progress. It's a work in progress for all of us. Mandy, you are a first responder. All of the parents out there listening, you're first responders when you first see that something is not right in the house. You're the authority figure in the house, you have to respond to it. If it's not addressed appropriately and in the right timing, that's when us, the police officers, which would then be the second responders, have to come in and address things. Please don't get it confused. Please call us when you need help, but again, we are stewards and we have an obligation to be the first responders in our home and to address the red flags and the things that we see that are out of order.

Speaker 1: 18:20

I do want to go back a minute before and talk about it's hard to be a police officer in this day and age. Not everybody respects you the way I feel like you need to be respected. I think you painted a really good picture there about how the power could be taken out of context if the heart of the officer is not right, and I feel like that's a big conversation there, probably amongst your officers on it, because it is a huge responsibility that comes with a lot of power.

Speaker 3: 18:56

Yes, it does, and what officers experience is this thing called compassion fatigue. We've stepped into this profession with purpose on our heart, with a passion to serve and help people. But as you're consistently exposed to this trauma and all this anger and all this emotion and you're seeing all these people hurt, it starts to harden the heart a little bit and you start to drift to a dark space and it's almost subtle. After that you find yourself being abrupt with people and you find yourself being fatigued and you find yourself not only being that way towards the community, but it doesn't stay in your car, in your locker. When you're done with your shift, you start to make your way home and you're looking for something to fill this void and this anger that you're feeling. And unfortunately, in this profession we have officers that are turning to alcohol, turning to pornography, turning to some very dark things to try to help them cope. Hope, and I feel again that my calling is big. Part of my calling is to remind the officers that you're only going to find this healing through Jesus Christ. If there's a calling, then there's a caller. So that relationship has to be prioritized first and foremost, and then you will start to see the fruits and you'll reap the rewards of working for your creator.

Speaker 3: 20:41

And Jeremiah 17, 7 is a very personal and dear verse to me. I just want to at this moment just acknowledge the Lopez family and the community that I serve. They've been very, very supportive of me and my family. There are times I've been called out in the middle of the night and this was the family where I would have to. If my wife was at work, I would have to wake up the kids and take them to this family and have them watch my kids for me. But they had a dear son that accidentally passed away from a gun shooting earlier this year. And his favorite verse and he would call me Uncle Doug, his favorite verse Jeremiah 17, 7. But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. If we put our trust in God, the roots will run deep and no matter what crisis comes your way, okay, you may bend to the left, bend to the right, but you still will stay rooted within your creator and you will be able to sustain that crisis. But before that verse, it references to putting your faith and hope in people and that's when you will start to feel the uh very negative effects of uh trying to handle a crisis with depending on people and depending on your own strength. That is a verse that is again very personal to me, that I honor my dear friend who has transitioned and now is in the presence of the Lord. But it's just that verse right, there is a reminder to your listeners, to the police officers, first responders out there Put your trust in our chief, our God, our Savior. The storms are going to come. We can't help that, but watch how much joy and how much strength you'll be able to experience when that storm comes.

Speaker 3: 22:41

And so policing I believe in no disrespect whatsoever to any other profession out there, it's that's your calling. But, man, you can. You can really Get a grasp and a sense of walking in the shoes of Jesus Christ when you're a police officer, because people call you and once you get there, they may not want you there, they may hate you. There are people that are trying to hurt you, people that are trying to kill you, and you have to respond. We don't ask you what is your race, what is your income, what side of town do you live on, what is your religion? Every officer has to respond to the call. And Jesus said a new commandment I give you love one another just as I have loved you, so you must love one another, and by this the world will know that you belong to me. I am your chief and so it is again.

Speaker 3: 23:49

We are talking about a lot of a variety of different things within the policing and the darkness, but it is a beautiful profession in my humble opinion, because we've been able to be the light in the darkness and we've seen a lot of lives changed in Jesus' name. And, mandy, whether you realize it or not, what you're doing has a direct impact on police officers responding to these calls. You're helping parents respond to this in a healthy way, and that's one less traumatic incident that God has helped prevent it through you. And that's one less traumatic incident that has been put on another human being that's a police officer. So that's one less traumatic. And so now it all comes full circle that you are actually helping police officers, yes, with these investigations, but with their souls, okay, this is one less incident that they have to respond to. That is so hurtful and we can't help but take on some of that as human beings. You're so kind.

Speaker 1: 25:00

You know it takes all of us. We all have to do our part, just like your sweet Lopez family that you talked about serving your family in a way when you need help with the kids and this is what community is what Jesus meant by community. Right, we need that circle of people in our life and we're all doing our thing that God called us to do, and if we do that, then we can serve the world well right Through our God-given abilities. So I love that.

Speaker 1: 25:34

You know one of the things we've been talking a lot about policing, and I love how you are painting the picture for us about how Jesus traits and humility and service and being humble, not getting prideful in powerful situations, like all of these traits of Jesus are coming through in your policing, and I, and I love that. I kind of want to move, though, to how do those traits come out in your parenting, because we you know we were talking beforehand and, um, you know, you said I have these, these volatile situations that I'm called into, like you said, I'm kind of like very similar to Jesus here. They'll call me and then they don't want me here and they hate that. They even asked right, and so I'm left to deal with it. But I want to take those skills that you've learned to deescalate situations and move them into the home. How has it helped you parenting teenagers? You know I joked with you before.

Speaker 1: 26:40

We've got teens, we've got menopausal moms we got all these emotions in the home and you walk in the door right and you've had trauma all day, and so how does it help you deal with family situations that are very escalated and emotional at home?

Speaker 3: 27:00

So in policing we have what's called the use of force continuum. Okay, when a police officer shows up, whether he's called or not, and people see the officer, we're already showing a sign of force. Okay, it's very obvious that we are an authority figure. It's very obvious that we have things around our belt that we can utilize to handle the situation if we need to. So already that presence of that authority should get that other person to start thinking okay, should I tune it up right now and be a better person? Should I make good decisions? Or what will happen if I make a bad decision right now? That authority figure is probably going to respond. So it gets that person to thinking the next thing, the next force continuing, is just talking and listening to that individual. Okay, not per se judging right away, but letting them know. Okay, I'm here, I'm an authority figure, I have power in this situation to make some decisions that may impact your life, but I'm willing to listen. Within the force continuum, you can find yourself in going to using your weapons. Again, we're matching the, the energy, and we're matching the response to the situation.

Speaker 3: 28:29

Now let's kind of go back and tie this into parenting. When there is a situation with your child. It's important that you, of course, be present. The child knows already that you are the authority figure, that you are the parent, and that you are the parent and that you are in charge. Okay, it may not seem like that in the moment, depending on their emotions, but they know it in their soul. They know that you have raised them, they know that you have sacrificed for them, they know that you are in charge and that now that you are present but now it's important we talk about pride and power. Do not let the pride and power of being the authority figure, being the dad and the mom in the house and say this Things are going to be the way I want them to be Because, why? Because I said so and I pay the bills around here, I'm the one that's working. So what would I say goes. No, that's not a healthy approach when you're showing love to them and say, okay, let's listen, tell me what's going on.

Speaker 3: 29:37

A lot of times, mandy, you can squash the problem right there, at that particular force continuum measure. It's just like letting them get it out, letting them vent and not being judgmental, and so that is what I use. I always just let my here, daddies, I just want to listen. I remember I love you, ok, and I'm here for you and I want the best for you, ok, I don't want to to hurt you, I want to to see you prosper. And this sounds biblical, doesn't it? Of our good, good father. So just doing some active listening to them.

Speaker 3: 30:12

And now it's time to use my next force. Continuum is my voice, my training, my experience. Yeah, you know what, son, I remember when I was your age and this happened to me. You know, and this is how I handle it, I wish I would have did it this way. I see your perspective, son. I do see that. Now, you know, let's see how we can, how can we remedy this so it's healthier for you, healthier for mom and dad, healthier for the whole situation. Those are the, these are things that I have learned in the training academy and in my experience, that I apply. And so there's no yelling and there's no huge frustrations in the house because we are trying to practice being active listeners.

Speaker 3: 30:57

And the next force continuing is if my children have really done something that I feel that has been out of their calling and has really done been something that has may have hurt somebody. Ok, listen, there's going to be consequences for that. Again. I'm not doing this because I dislike you. I like punishing people. I have an obligation to steward you in the proper way, and so now you're going to have to face these consequences. You know, and OK, there's, there's a lot of poop in the backyard. Ok, here's the, here's the here's the shovel. Go to town, ok, and you've got that duty, no pun intended, for the next couple of weeks. So, but, but again, it's disciplining with love. Now we're going back, mandy again, to those biblical values. This thing has been around for thousands of years and is very applicable and effective. Brothers and sisters who are listening, use this. It is a weapon. I always like to tell people go ahead, go ahead and open carry. You got a police officer telling you to open carry, open carry your weapon. That.

Speaker 3: 32:06

God has given you and use it. Yes, open, carry your Bible For those who are listening and not watching.

Speaker 2: 32:14

He's holding up a Bible right now. He is holding up a Bible.

Speaker 3: 32:18

Yes, yes, yes. It is the word of God, you know, but it is powerful. It's a double-edged sword. It is beautiful and is here for you and for me and for your family.

Speaker 1: 32:33

I love the steps that you walked us through, that you got in your training and that how it applies to your home, because, man, that you know, recognizing that they do see you as an authority and they are kind of scared of you and sometimes they think we're perfect and they're not and they feel shame, which is silly, we know, because we know we're flawed, right, but they see us in a different light, just like you showing up on the scene of a issue. And then I loved the step two about listening to them. People want to feel heard. Listening to them, people want to feel heard. Your kids want to feel heard, and I think this is so important.

Speaker 1: 33:12

And so many times we rush to judgment because we we maybe found something on our kid's phone and we're just so mad and we're just going in, you know, with with all the consequences and screaming and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, instead of like, why did you do this? Like help me understand what happened here. You know and I just think that is so important how you walked us through those steps. It's just so good for us to see that visual with us in our homes, with our kids. Doug, is there anything else you want to tell our parents?

Speaker 3: 33:49

Yes, with our kids. Doug, is there anything else you want to tell our parents? Yes, there's just one last thing that I'd love to leave all the parents with, especially the dads. Especially the dads I know in many different circumstances. We're out there, we're working a lot.

Speaker 3: 34:00

I have a very, very busy schedule, but I try to make it a point every night I go by my son's room, we sit down and we have a conversation, we pick up a devotional, we talk about God's word and we work on memory verses because, dads, I'm trying to get into my kids' subconscious mind with the word of God by helping them memorize verses. Ok, that is another powerful thing that you can do with your children, just memorizing verses, because once they get into a situation, boom, oh, the Lord is my shepherd, I have all that I need. Ok, I'm going to be OK and I make my way to spend individual time with my children every night and listen. It can be five minutes, 10 minutes, depending on however the spirit leads. Sometimes I'm just really tired, ok, but I make it into that room and say let's pray, let's pray together.

Speaker 3: 34:59

Consistency leads to intimacy. So try the best that you can to stay consistent with the time that you're spending with your kids, even if it's a little bit. God does a lot with a little, and so that's my encouragement as we are wrapping up this conversation. Moms and dads, if you can take five minutes a day just to sit, listen, talk, but use the word of God within the conversation and watch your children prosper.

Speaker 1: 35:30

I love that you talked specifically to dads there, doug, because that's what God means when he says husbands are supposed to be the leaders in the home. That's what we're talking about here. It's not a dictator, it's not somebody screaming in with power saying you do this, you do that, you submit here. That is not what God intended. You are giving us a real visual of what it means to lead in the home. Be the spiritual leader in your home, pray with your children, make time for it and then, when situations arise, respond with that godly character of listening and letting them be heard and coming alongside of them and loving them unconditionally, no matter what, and then walking in through some life wisdom on why that maybe wasn't a good choice.

Speaker 1: 36:19

Like you really have painted a great picture of what it means to be a leader in the home. So I just thank you for you and your sweet family. I thank you for serving as a police officer and I just pray so many blessings over you and all the officers who keep us safe every day.

Speaker 3: 36:37

Oh praise God. Thank you so much, Manny. Thank you for what you're doing, and let's just remember who we work for.

Speaker 1: 36:44

Thank you, Doug.

Speaker 4: 36:46

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