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How do we keep our kids safe online? How do we protect our children in an overexposed, sexualized culture?
Join Mandy Majors (award-winning author of "TALK" and "Keeping Kids Safe in a Digital World") for real conversations about the intersection of tech, culture and faith.
nextTalk is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization keeping kids safe by creating a culture of open communication in families, churches and schools.
nextTalk
My child was a victim of sextortion. What should I do?
If your child was a victim of sextortion, how do you report this? What is next? We want to walk you through some practical next steps on what to do next.
KEEPING KIDS SAFE ONLINE
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Welcome to the Next Talk podcast. We are a nonprofit passionate about keeping kids safe online. We're learning together how to navigate tech, culture and faith with our kids. I have such a special guest on the Next Talk podcast today. This is Belinda Swan from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. They do amazing work. Thanks for being here, belinda.
Speaker 2:My pleasure. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1:Tell us a little bit about your organization and a little bit about yourself.
Speaker 2:All right. Well, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, or NCMEC, has been around for 40 years. We've just celebrated our 40th anniversary last year. Many folks may make the connection between the National Center and two of our more famous founders because of their amazing work in this space John and Revae Walsh. As many folks may remember, they too are survivors. Their son, Adam Walsh, was abducted and later found deceased. He was abducted from a shopping center in Florida and it was the Walshes and several other just absolutely brave and amazing families survivors themselves who'd experienced the loss of a child who came together and recognized at that time that it was easier to report and track a missing car than a missing child. And so if you're a human of a certain age like myself, you may remember a lot of our campaigns throughout the years to get the word out about missing children by our posters and so on. But what a lot of folks don't know is that we absolutely do a ton of other work in the space of child exploitation and in prevention and outreach, which is why I'm here today.
Speaker 2:So our Missing Children Division obviously helps to support families of missing children. We work closely with law enforcement. We are the folks behind a lot of the missing child posters. We collect tips, share that information with law enforcement. We provide case management and support in that regard to law enforcement as well, and our child exploitation division, which I will be leaning on heavily today, with a lot of their amazing work via our Cyber Tip Line and 1-800-THE-LOST, which we'll talk about, we're able to collect and review and reports to help us understand the child safety issues that are most affecting kids today and because of that information I'm able to speak about those trends in real time.
Speaker 2:Our amazing team is able to develop prevention resources that folks can utilize today. So we do a lot of work and we'll get into some of those specifics, I'm sure, but in general, we're here because we believe every child deserves a safe childhood, just as I know that you do and all of your listeners. So again, just an honor to be here. I am currently in Austin, Texas. I'm born and raised, or was born and raised, in Alice, Texas. I've been in Austin for 25 years and I've been with NCMEC for five years now. Okay.
Speaker 2:And you're a parent yourself, correct? I am a parent of a wonderful nine-year-old who keeps me on my toes, and several times I have said to my parents I'm sorry, I understand and I get it now. So, yes, a parent's first and always, and I've worked in this space for many years, and so this opportunity is just fantastic to be able to talk to you and your listeners.
Speaker 1:Well, I think that makes you an excellent guest because you know behind the scenes, at home what needs to happen to build that relationship. But you also are very educated on the real dangers our kids face, and I think that combination is what we want to take into every home. You know, not panic, not fear, but real education, real awareness and then that ability to build that relationship with their kid. But we have covered a lot of stuff on sextortion. We had a dad on who lost his son to this. We have done a lot of education and awareness around what sextortion is and the kind of the schemes that online predators often use to target kids online. So we've done a lot of that.
Speaker 1:What we have not done that I think that you guys are doing really well is what to do if your kid has been a victim of sextortion. First of all, I want you to define it for our guest again, just to so we're all on the same page, and then I want you to walk us through, because I get these messages like this has happened. What do I do? Next steps, and I literally always send them to your website.
Speaker 1:So, I'm like I gotta have this girl on. So we have an actual podcast also that they can listen to. So let's define it first and then move into the steps.
Speaker 2:So sextortion is a type of online enticement or child exploitation where the perpetrator's goal is generally to obtain nude imagery or videos or other similar content of a child, to either blackmail or sextort the child into creating additional content. Sometimes the goal of the perpetrator is actual sexual contact with the child, but what we've seen more recently is a huge uptick in financial sextortion, and I'd love to define that as well for your listeners, and so we can hone in on that as well. So over the course of the last several years I'll share this again since we, since the National Center maintains 1-800-THE-LOST and the Cyber Tip Line, we collect reports throughout the year. The Cyber Tip Line is where anyone can file a cyber, a cyber-tripline report about any type of exploitation of a child. In 2023, our 2024 data should be available and on our website in the weeks to come, but in 2023, we received about 36 million reports. As I mentioned before, we're able to take a deep dive, look at that data and and talk to you about what we're seeing, and one of the trends we continue to see is that uptick in financial sextortion. So we know what sextortion is financial sextortion, which is just a little different but, as the name suggests is motivated by money. So what we know, based on reports to the National Center in 2023, we received about 27,000 reports of financial sextortion and of those reports, about 90% of the child victims were male between the ages of 14 and 17.
Speaker 2:So in other types of sextortion, where the goal may have been sexual content or to blackmail the child and producing additional images or videos, with financial sextortion, the perpetrator, once they've gained the child's trust, the child may think that this person they're talking to may have stolen photos from some other place and is presenting themselves as a potential love interest or friend, an age-appropriate friend even. And once the perpetrator gains the child's trust and gets them to put their or take their guard down or introduces content to them and makes it okay for the for the child to share their own images, they flip the script on them and they immediately start demanding money. And consider our own selves at 14. I certainly had no money and would have been terrified to tell my mom and dad what I had done and what situation I was in, so I'd be remiss if I didn't share that many cases of financial sextortion have resulted in death by suicide.
Speaker 2:So when we're talking about sextortion, we're talking about financial sextortion as well. I think what we're talking about is vulnerable and scared children who are simply exploring their own questions about sex, about relationships, and oftentimes perpetrators realize, recognize those vulnerabilities and take advantage of them in awful ways. And so that's a little about sextortion and financial sextortion, about some of the trends we're seeing. Of course, all of this information is available on our website as well.
Speaker 1:This is so helpful because we had a dad on our podcast that came on a couple months after he lost his child, his son Walker, and it was financial sextortion and it was, you know, we had seen, like you guys, sextortion cases before financial sextortion. I think what made it so unique was from the first DM to losing Walker. It was just a few hours Right and there was not enough time for a young child to logically think through what was happening, because it was so emotional, because it was so emotional. So it's almost like the predators have gotten very smart in targeting the emotions of these young kids to. I mean, they've gotten more savvy. I hate to say it, but the online predators know how to really target our kids within a few hours and I think that's why it's so important in our homes to define and identify what sextortion is, so that if it does happen, maybe they can in their mind identify oh, I and empowering a child with that knowledge.
Speaker 2:So if and when it does happen to them, they know this is what this is. This is what's happening. I'm not alone. I know where to go for help. That's so key.
Speaker 1:Well, and I think that's where you guys come in, you're doing such great work in this space. So so say we have a kid. They are, you know, a victim of sextortion. And for this instance, let's also say they willingly shared, they were manipulated into actually sharing their own nude photo, or they were videoed or whatever. Because sometimes I think those kids think, well, I did it, I can't tell anybody because I'm going to get in trouble. You know, walk us through. Our son comes to us and says I've done this. Oh my gosh. You know, my first thing is what a win that your kid is confiding in you. First of all, we don't want to overlook that. I mean, that's, that's a huge win, that they're trusting you enough. But then what we want to do is equip parents, through this show, to have the steps in place to help that kid. So tell us what you would do if I called you, belinda, tonight and I said this has happened to my son. What do I do?
Speaker 2:The first step. Moms, dads, trusted adults, take a deep breath. I'm a mama bear. My first instinct is who hurt my baby and what do I need to do to make this right? We want to make sure that we are able to check our own emotions because I'd like to share with your audience that how we react to that initial right. We're doing all the right things. We're watching videos together, we're having regular check-ins, we're having safety discussions and we're encouraging our children to come to us when something happens, so when they actually take. We're watching videos together, we're having regular check-ins, we're having safety discussions and we're encouraging our children to come to us when something happens, so when they actually take us up on it. We have to keep calm and remember that we're setting the stage for future instances, whether with regard to online or offline life situations. We're establishing that line of trust with our child situations. We're establishing that line of trust with our child.
Speaker 2:So take that deep breath and some practical steps. First and foremost, tell your child it's not their fault. It is not their fault. What the perpetrator has done is commit a crime. Especially if they've committed a crime, they're the ones in the wrong, not the child, and that we're here to help and we know what to do. I think oftentimes children become extremely frantic obviously adults too in similar situations, because you've been told, the internet's forever. Once you do something like this, you can't take it back, and so on. What we can offer to children, after we've taken that deep breath, told them it's not their fault, we can offer them hope, and hope it looks like practical steps such as okay, let's first block the perpetrator, but we're not going to delete the conversations. We're not going to necessarily delete the app. We need to save that information because that information could help us to resolve the issue If it rises to the level of law enforcement intervention and so on. We need some of that information to refer back to. So the instinct might be to delete everything, but it is helpful to have that information on hand. So we're going to remain calm. We're going to tell our children it's not their fault. We're going to block the perpetrator. We're going to save any information that may help to resolve a potential case, and what we're going to tell our children it's not their fault. We're going to block the perpetrator. We're going to save any information that may help to resolve a potential case and what we're going to do next is report the instance to the actual app. So there are a variety of apps. We could sit here for five hours and name all the apps that children are engaged and active on and we still wouldn't be done. So I'll just say report the instance to the actual app. And I encourage everyone to also report to the National Center, to our cyber tip line, or you can call 1-800-LOST. Of course you want to report to law enforcement. Obviously NCMEC is not an investigative agency.
Speaker 2:What we can add to the situation we offer free mental health supports. We have a network of mental health providers throughout the country that specialize in these types of cases. More often than not, they can provide these services at no to very low cost to anyone who is interested. We can because, as I mentioned before, 36 million reports equates to a ton of information. So we can cross-reference against so many other reports. There may be a potential linkage to other instances where this same perpetrator may be doing the same thing, quite frankly, to other children throughout the world, and we can perhaps make some linkages because one brave child, one brave family, knew what to do.
Speaker 2:Another tool that's available on our website, again completely free. All of our resources are free is Take it Down. So you can search for Take it Down on your favorite search engine. You can also simply visit our website. But Take it Down represents several partnerships that we have with electronic service providers, and so, while we will not collect your images whatsoever, but every image contains a hash value which is the equivalent of a fingerprint.
Speaker 2:So we collect the hash values associated with the photos, we share those with participating electronic service providers and every time that that photo hits the internet, every time that hash value, I should say, hits the internet, it's going to get removed.
Speaker 2:Isn't that amazing? This is a tool that's relatively new. It's a game changer for survivors, it builds confidence and it instills hope. We can also, if you file the Cyber Tip Line report, we can also again flag any content associated that law enforcement shares with us. We can also share those hash values with our electronic service providers with the goal of removing them from the Internet. Take a Down is again such an important and popular resource because it offers hope to children and families and survivors, and I'd like to add a caveat there too. To children and families and survivors, and I'd like to add a caveat there too If you're an adult survivor whose images were shared when you were a child. The images were taken and or shared while you were a child. You can still share those hash values with us and we will also treat those exactly the same.
Speaker 1:Okay, this is amazing technology and a new tool. Basically, it's kind of new on the scene right, and I'm sure it's going to continue to evolve and even get better as as technology goes on. Okay, so I have a couple questions about it. How do you get that hashtag like fingerprint, quote, unquote fingerprint of the picture? How do you? How do you get that Like is it something that you teach us how to go in and get on the phone, or just a basic? I'm just curious From a practical standpoint, you will.
Speaker 2:You actually need the device that the photos are on and, again, you're not sharing the photos with us. You will share the hash value and we actually have a how to video on our website as well. That provides you with steps and you and we have a handout as well that we can share with your listeners. That also provides step-by-step instructions as well. But essentially you will need the device where the videos and or images are located and then you'll share. Again, we will not collect or extract images or videos. We'll simply collect the hash value and once those hash values are collected, we'll share those with our internet service provider partners.
Speaker 1:There's a how to on your website, but you do need the device of where the image is Absolutely yes. So and you and I want to reiterate, you said a couple places to report, we got to report. So if this happens on Instagram, you're going to report on Instagram. So whatever app that it happens on, we're reporting. Then you recommend that we file a cyber tip on your website. That's a cyber tip report that you can make and when, when you do that, that's not reporting to law enforcement, that's reporting to you guys for your data. You will not be sharing images. I want to reiterate that you will not be sharing any nude photos or anything like that.
Speaker 2:Absolutely not. As a matter of fact, we cannot accept images or videos from the public, so hence the importance of reporting to law enforcement. When internet service providers or folks share CyberTipline reports with us, again we add value to those reports. We have some of the most amazing analysts in the world. We check to see again if there's any existing information that we can cross-reference this new report with. Is a child in imminent danger? So we add all that information. We're often, when there's minimal information, we're able to perhaps help to find the IP address and where is this tip potentially located, where did this potential incident happen? And then we're able to package that information and share with law enforcement. So there's just so many benefits to reporting any instance of child exploitation to the cyber tip line because it triggers this series of steps with the goal of engaging law enforcement with all the information we can potentially share and with providing supports and services to children and families.
Speaker 1:Well, and how amazing that you're able to also track this data and see where we're seeing upticks, because that's what we need prevention and awareness on how they're targeting our children and then we can educate parents on the data that you're collecting. We also need to make sure that we report to local law enforcement, and then oftentimes, you guys are working together to figure out and catch the perpetrator.
Speaker 2:So yes, mandy, that's correct, we work very closely with law enforcement. Again, whether we receive reports from electronic service providers, individuals and I'd like to add, children are capable. We've certainly received cyber tip line reports filed by children themselves who, because of everyone, after they listen to today's podcast, they're going to go home and talk to their children, they're going to empower their children with information, and so many children themselves have reported and said you know, I think my best friend's being sextorted or someone is cyber bullying me online or so on and so forth. So children are also capable. I just wanted to make sure I said that as well. Filing that cyber tip line report again, access to free resources and sharing that information can be a game changer in finding a perpetrator, bringing that perpetrator to justice and seeking resources for the survivors so that they can recognize that there's hope in a community of folks who are supporting, who are supportive and care about their safety.
Speaker 1:You said something to Belinda that I thought was really important because, as I work with families and you know, sometimes I'm we're the first call oh my gosh, this has happened. There's hesitation to report to law enforcement because they're scared their kid is going to get in trouble. The kid is, you know, emotional and afraid and wants to act like it didn't happen, just make it all go away, kind of thing. And I want to talk about the importance of reporting because, like you said earlier, sometimes it takes one brave child to report something and it may take down a whole exploitation ring over here because it connects a dot or connect something to that perpetrator. Can we just like hone in on that and the importance of of making sure we contact the right people.
Speaker 2:I think and I wear my mom hat always but I think there's also a sense of relief when you're filing that report, that you know you're not alone and that there's an entire agency, an entire organization like NCMEC, that cares and knows what you're talking about. We respect what you're experiencing the good, the bad and the ugly, your feelings All of that we understand. We're a safe place to share this information and to seek support Based on some of the reports that we see. Again, I'd be remiss if I didn't share. Oftentimes the perpetrator is someone the child knows and oftentimes it is someone that they met online someone the child knows, and oftentimes it is someone that they met online. And again, there are many instances where a child thought they were talking to someone their own age, a potential love interest. They thought it was their, their best friend, and because they were brave enough to to file a cyber tip line report, we're able to. Oh no, this is the same perpetrator who has done the same thing to several other children across several different states or within the same community, or so on. So oftentimes the perpetrator may be located in a different state and this may require a broader response and so filing that cyber tip line report, in addition to those services and supports, can also be the difference in ensuring that all of the appropriate law enforcement entities with jurisdiction have the same information so that they can find perpetrators who are victimizing children across the country. It's just so vital to ensure that folks understand that NCMEC is here to provide those supports and that guidance.
Speaker 2:And I welcome folks to consider as well if you're on the fence or not entirely sure or you're struggling in that moment to read through the steps. I know we can all relate when you're stressed, you're scared or something super traumatic has happened. It's hard to turn off the emotional part of us and turn on the practical, logical side that knows how to read and type and input things. Call us, call 1-800-THE-LOST. We can walk you through that Cyber Tip Line report. We can walk you through the steps and what to expect. We're a phone call away. We're a Cyber Tip Line report away, but again, you're going to access those resources and services and your information could potentially align or be similar to information we've received from other reporters about the same perpetrator, and so the benefits are huge in reporting to the Cyber Tip Line and making a difference in bringing justice to perpetrators and providing support to children.
Speaker 1:Helping connect the dots to make sure the bad guys are caught, like that's really what we got to do here. So it's about speaking up. I think another you know just really important conversation to have with your kids if they have fallen victim to this. You know, to kind of empower them. A lot of the kids just want it to go away, and I think one of the things that I've learned in this is being able to look at a kid and say and I think one of the things that I've learned in this is being able to look at a kid and say, but this gives you closure and you're helping somebody else not be a victim, you know.
Speaker 1:So those two things, let's walk hand in hand and take this step together, because if you, if you don't report and you just act like it doesn't happen, like where where's that going to go with that? You know, I feel like there's healing in reporting, there's an ending to it. There's like, okay, I'm going to do this kind of thing, speaking it out loud, speaking it out loud, bringing it into the light. Whatever you want to say, there's this, there's this healing that can happen with that, instead of just well, I'm going to sweep this under the rug and just act like it didn't happen.
Speaker 2:But you know, I will add in and if that does happen, um, in 10 years from now, that child, uh, survivor is now an adult, and this happened when they were a child and they need someone to talk to and they're seeking support. Call us, we're able to help. Um, you know we're. We're here until one of our favorite things to say we're here until you tell us to go away. There is no charge for our resources and our services. We certainly have folks who continue to reach out.
Speaker 2:You know, to your point. You may think you're you're doing OK, and then there may be an event that has triggered some of that trauma and you need someone to talk to. You're not exactly sure where to turn. Give us a call. We know exactly what to say, how to say it, where to send you with regard to these types of victimizations. We don't know the answer. I'm sure we know whom to ask and I'd like to make that point too. You don't have to have an open case with the National Center to access resources either. So again, this could have been something that happened when you were 12. Now you're 25. And you want to talk to someone about it? Give us a call and we can certainly try to connect you with some resources.
Speaker 1:I love that. I'm so glad you added that, belinda. So if people want to know about the take it down or about, like the steps that we talked about today, is there a resource on your website that would kind of guide them through the information you provided today?
Speaker 2:Yes, so we one that I think will resonate with your audience. Today we have a tip sheet sextortion what parents should know. It is available on our website. It's a downloadable PDF that defines sextortion for you. It also provides you with the steps I discussed today. And another step that's listed on that tip sheet that I'd like to add to this conversation as well is some prevention.
Speaker 2:We certainly hope this never happens, but we know statistically there's a high likelihood that it may. Again, a mom myself working in this space certainly put all of the safety parameters and all of the things that I know to do to try to keep my child safe, but I'm not with her 24 hours a day. She goes to school, she has friends, she's. She does not have a cell phone, but her friends do, and you know so there's always going to be opportunity for a child to be exposed to content or just situations we wish we could protect them from. So prevention is what we need to do, and what that looks like is having open and honest conversations. What I like to say, what my rule, is if you think your child is old enough to have access to a device, they're old enough for a conversation, and so, in addition to this extortion handout, I'd like to also share that we offer a huge variety of resources, including our NetSmarts content, which is online safety resources, prevention resources, including presentations, additional tip sheets and videos for kids in grades K through 12. You know, I challenge you to think of the last time you went to the grocery store or a restaurant and didn't see a kiddo, a young kiddo, on a tablet or maybe on someone's phone, and so I think again, if they're old enough to have access to the internet and to be able to utilize a device that you've purchased for them, then they're absolutely old enough to start having these age-appropriate conversations, and NetSmart certainly helps in that regard.
Speaker 2:Into the Cloud is a web-based animated series for kids 10 and under, and each episode comes with a discussion guide. We know again I am not saying, hey, you need to go out today and get a master's degree in all of the things digital we do a lot of the heavy lifting for you discussion guides, talking questions to ask your kiddo, and so those animated videos include a discussion guide in every episode touches on some of the issues we've talked about today, but in a way that's fun and approachable for children. Checking out these resources on nickmickorg, or simply typing in NetSmartz into your favorite search engine will take you there, and most of our resources are available in English and Spanish. And again, the key takeaway is early and often. Have those conversations early and often and create boundaries as well. Discuss your family's values surrounding healthy relationships and expectations. All of this falls under the category of empowering our kiddos, explaining what boundaries look like, making it a comfortable topic for your child, and it may catch you off guard, and I love that. I love to hear when parents say well, we did what you suggested and now they're asking me all kinds of crazy questions. I love it. That's what we want. We want our kids to come to us with the crazy questions and to feel comfortable and confident in having those conversations with us.
Speaker 2:We also work with survivors as well, and one of the common things that we often hear is I, you know I, and not even just from families of survivors, but you know law enforcement, educators, parents. I wish I'd known what this was. I would have talked to my kid about it and I would have said hey, if this happens, it's okay, come talk to me. So when we establish these conversations using these tools, our kids recognize, as we mentioned, kind of making a callback to how we started our conversation. They're able to recognize oh, that's that thing. Mom and dad said, uh-oh, I need some guidance, I need some help and I know I'm not going to get in trouble because mom and dad said that I wouldn't be in trouble. And then that's where our own training comes into place. We're going to take that deep breath. We're going to respond with love, empathy and concern, even though we're shaking on the inside and want to find who hurt our baby. We're going to take that deep breath and we're going to go through the logical steps. It's really is a circle. It's a circle of, or a continuum, I should say, of, trust, where we're establishing those conversations.
Speaker 2:We're going back to those conversations and resources often, and it can look as simple as Friday night is game night. You're going to show me what your favorite game is. I have no idea how to play this, but you're going to teach me who are these folks you're talking to. Did we establish boundaries or guidelines about who you can talk to? Does this game have a feature where we can turn off that chat, all of those kinds of things, and having conversations with your child about expectations around those apps and access as well. You're only allowed to talk and play with these folks. If someone asks to take you to a third party chatting site, that's. That's not acceptable in this home. Or or here's what to do If you do participate in something gets out of control.
Speaker 2:We have to establish clear expectations, but also give our children grace so that they understand that, okay, we talked about it, but well, you didn't make the decision I hoped you would have in. Something that happened, that's okay. You're still not in trouble. I'm here to help you. I think that's, and I know I'm rambling, but, as you can see, I'm really passionate about this. I think it's important for us to also simply have empathy and grace with our children. They're going to do and say things that we wish that they hadn't, but we need to continue to be their safe landing spot. We need to be that source of comfort for them, and part of that is empowering ourselves as well, and your podcast is doing such a lovely job of that by defining these issues so that we know how to talk about it before they perhaps seek inaccurate information or information that makes them feel that they can't come to us.
Speaker 1:You did a fantastic job. All of it, yes, yes, all of it, yes, yes, all of it. You said boundaries and expectations a couple of times and I think those are just key. You know they are. Key is is clearly communicating the boundaries and the expectations. You know, I remember with my own kids they're older now, but you know, the first point was when they were gaming.
Speaker 1:You can't talk with a stranger or somebody you don't know in real life. But then, as they got older and we talked about sextortion and online predators and I saw them handle certain situations that would pop up. Then they could earn playing. Okay, you can play with strangers that you don't know in real life, but you I love what you said but you can't go outside of this app and then talk or do this. So you're setting up those parameters and they earn it in steps, as they're ready for it and as they prove to you that they can identify tricky people and that a red flag is going to go off in their brain and they're going to come tell you, and then you're working together as a team to keep them safe, and so I think that's so good.
Speaker 1:And I think, on the boundaries point too, I kept. I kept thinking about some pictures that will get texted and DM desk sometimes, of kids that are going into the bathroom and they've got their iPad, like setting outside as they're in the bathroom, because they've learned that boundary of when I'm undressing, I'm not going to have a screen near me. I think that's super important for us as parents to because they are, porn is so readily available and they are desensitized to hearing about nude photos. I mean, that's just like normal language in their, in their culture, unfortunately and so the more we can create those boundaries around okay, naked equals, no screens, kind of thing. You know there's, there's like a boundary in their mind about it.
Speaker 1:I think the better that they will be, unless, um, the predators are then less able to manipulate them into sending a nude or graphic image because we've instilled this like boundary line in their mind. And I think those boundaries and expectations when you were saying that I was just like yes, yes, yes. And I think those boundaries and expectations when you were saying that I was just like yes, yes, yes and yes, because we don't think to do it, because we didn't grow up this way. We didn't.
Speaker 2:We sure didn't, and this technology certainly wasn't. My daughter loves to tell everyone that her mom was born in the 1900s and even though it's true, it doesn't make it any less hurtful. But we aren't growing up with the same kinds of safety issues that our babies are. So, giving them grace and empathy, understanding, you know this opportunity, you know I'm in Austin, you know I'm hours from you. We're able to communicate in real time technology can be such a wonderful blessing. To communicate in real time Technology can be such a wonderful blessing, um, and so, embracing the good and preparing our children for what can go wrong, um, and coupling those boundaries and expectations with. But even if, even if it didn't work out and you made a choice that maybe you regret, you can still come to me. You can still come to me. I'm not going to be angry. We're going to revisit our conversation. We're going to get you help. My love, my empathy for you do not change Um, we're. We're simply their little guides or their little Yodas, and in this life, uh and.
Speaker 2:But having that grace and empathy is one thing that you know as, again, as a parent and someone working in this space, that I can't um over overstate enough, um, having all of the steps down pat, having the definitions down pat, having those conversations. But again, in that moment when our child takes us up on everything we've tried to get them to do, we've got to make sure we maintain our cool and that we lead with that empathy and grace. And how we respond to that scenario. As I tell my kid, life gets harder and harder. So just tell me, was it you that dropped the cereal or not? You're not in trouble. If it was you, we need to be able to trust each other and you need to trust that. I'm okay with that. I will point you to the broom and remind you to be more careful and we'll move on. So it's a silly example, but one that I think encapsulates how important it is to have lead with that empathy and grace so we can establish and maintain that trust, that circle of trust, with our kids.
Speaker 1:No, I think it's a perfect example because, honestly, if you haven't handled the cereal well, they're not going to come to you on this extortion stuff, right? So, like it's the little things that they're testing us, and, like you said, when we respond with that grace and empathy because good kids make mistakes we all know that Everybody makes mistakes and I love the emphasis that you're putting on this grace and empathy, because if we can do that in the daily you spilled the milk, you spilled the cereal, you know whatever. You said a cuss word in a group chat, whatever it is a word, you know a cuss word in a group chat and whatever it is when we're responding to those little things, we're practicing almost for the big crisis moments that are going to happen in their life.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, absolutely. Yes, you are 100% correct. These topics are difficult, they're difficult to to read, they're difficult to imagine happening to your own child. But that's what I think the beauty of your podcast is too, and your efforts is to make sure that these topics and these, these trends are broken down in ways that everyone can understand and I hope that we are creating a ripple effect where they'll, in turn, turn to their, their families, because in my own family, my daughter is so loved you know, of course, right, and so I want to make sure her uncles and her aunts and her grandparents and, you know, all of her trusted adults, understand what these issues look like and establishing that community of trust. So maybe she is too scared to tell mom, but I'm going to tell my aunt so-and-so, and aunt so-and-so is fully aware, because mom listened to this podcast and she knows and she shared that info.
Speaker 2:So, creating a community of trusted adults and on that note, I you know, I would like to also share I hadn't mentioned it earlier we also offer KidSmarts, which is an overall safety curriculum for kids 10 and under that talks about trusted adults, how to identify them and, again, sometimes we have to talk about uncomfortable things so that we can get to a place of empowerment. But I'll reiterate that oftentimes, statistically again, you know 66%, you know the perpetrator is someone in a position of trust with the child and so having those trusted adults, safe, adult conversations with kids is so important, expanding that community of trust and safety for children and so our you can download games and tip sheets and more, all again with the goal of early and often conversations. We get asked often what apps should my kids avoid? How old before I buy my kid a phone? And we don't have hard answers for that. What I can say is the best defense for any of these issues is communication.
Speaker 1:And all of these stuff NetSmart, KidSmart, the Take it Down, it's all on your website, right, and it's all free.
Speaker 2:All free. Ncmecorg all of it is free, and we also for the trusted adults who are with us today. Ncmec Connect is our free learning management platform and there's a variety. You can set up or sign up for an account and there are a variety of free and engaging and interactive lessons or videos that you can learn about a variety of topics, from online safety to the history of NCMEC. If you're interested in hearing more about some of the ways that we support missing and exploited children to trafficking and beyond and there are always new content being developed and again all free. So if you want information to better learn about the issues or how to talk to your children, downloadable activities, tip sheets all available on our website and all free.
Speaker 1:Wonderful, Wonderful. Belinda, you are a wealth of information. I love how we focus on the prevention and the relationship, but we also have steps to take if our kids fall victim to sextortion and we have a plan in place. You guys have come up with the steps and the take it down and all of the stuff that helps families have a like a black and white step process to help their kid in this crisis.
Speaker 2:Yes, and in that moment I just want everyone to know my heart is with you. Remember, belinda said to take a deep breath, and it. And if you, in that moment, are overwhelmed, type in nickmickorg and your phone, your laptop, your device, click on the resources and it'll all come back to you. Call. If you can't remember anything else, you can call 1-800-THE-LOST and we can help walk you through the process and link you to resources that way as well. So take that deep breath and remember we're here to support you because, as you do, we believe that every child deserves a safe childhood.
Speaker 1:Awesome. Thank you so much, Belinda. I'm so appreciative of the work that you do and countless others in your organization. Thank you for the resources you have for us. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 3:Next Talk is a 501c3 nonprofit keeping kids safe online. To support our work, make a donation at nexttalkorg. Next Talk resources are not intended to replace the advice of a trained healthcare or legal professional, or to diagnose, treat or otherwise render expert advice regarding any type of medical, psychological, legal, financial or other problem. You are advised to consult a qualified expert for your personal treatment plan.