The nextTalk Parent Podcast with Mandy Majors
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The nextTalk Parent Podcast with Mandy Majors
3 Things Every Kid Needs (From a Youth Pastor)
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Jorge Barrera is a youth pastor who spends a lot of time connecting with high school students. He shares what he’s learning and provides three things every kid needs.
KEEPING KIDS SAFE ONLINE
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Intro
Speaker 1Welcome to the Next Talk podcast . We are a nonprofit passionate about keeping kids safe online . We're learning together how to navigate tech , culture and faith with our kids . Guys , we have such a special treat today my kid's youth pastor is here . I feel like I owe him so much for speaking into my own kids . His name is Jorge Barrera , and Jorge , first of all , I just want you to introduce yourself to our audience .
Speaker 2Yeah , so I've been the student pastor at Home Church since 2019 , and I've had the opportunity to be the pastor of your daughter and currently now pastor of your son , who's in our youth group . But I started attending our youth group inside out at home church when I was 17 . So I've gone to go from being a student there to the pastor and in that time , was able to study at Liberty University , where I graduated from , and I have been there at home church ever since .
Speaker 1The youth group is a special place . It is a special culture that they have , that they feel loved and accepted , and I have seen both of my kids thrive .
Speaker 2Oh man , I knew there was something different about that specific youth group when I made the switch to that youth group it was after a mission trip . But exactly what you talk about is exactly what I felt when I attended as a student in high school , and I think a lot of students still feel those same things today .
Speaker 1Yeah Well . And parents , I just want to encourage you . You need other adults speaking into your kids . I think that's so important , like somebody who will point them to Jesus , biblically grounded ,
Let your kid find their own space in a church
Speaker 1and so what's so cool is my daughter , too , found the youth group on her own . We didn't even go to church there .
Speaker 2Oh really .
Speaker 1And she tried it out and she actually brought us to that church .
Speaker 2Oh man .
Speaker 1Because she got plugged in .
Speaker 2Yeah , that's funny that you say that . I had a similar story where , after that youth group , you know my whole family attended a different church and we had gone there to that previous church since I was maybe seven and loved it . It was great . But when we made that decision for me to go on that mission trip and I went and met you know home church and Pastor Mike who was the student pastor at the time , I met the community there and the leaders and as soon as we got home it was just an easy decision I needed to go to that youth group . There was just something about it , especially with all the invitation . I thought I'd just give it a shot . But it was scary , you know , leaving the church that I had always gone to with my family . I didn't know if that was like okay , if that was going to hurt their feelings , but it was a very encouraged decision .
Speaker 1I think that's a really important thing , because I remember when my daughter did not want to go to our church's youth group and it was just because it was so big she was like . It's just not my place , mom , it wasn't anything that they were doing wrong . It was just not a good fit because it was so big and she couldn't find her people . She couldn't find her group and I was a little like , oh my gosh what . But I think that's really important for parents to let kids find their own space in a church ?
Speaker 1Yeah , and also I have been very careful with my son and my daughter being in the youth group , like there's been things I've wanted to volunteer with and they're like no , because it's my space .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1And you have your space , Mom , over there , and I've honored that Like it's their own little community where their faith can deepen .
Speaker 2Hopefully you know by now , but just how much they probably appreciate that . It was something I appreciated when I was a student there . Mike , the former student pastor , had the same rules where he wouldn't allow any parents of current students in the ministry to volunteer with the youth group . That way it could remain a safe space and this could belong to the students , and that's something we still uphold today , which is hard because I've gotten to know these parents and I love them and I can see , just like the wisdom that they have much more than what I have and I'm like I want you to be here , but this space does need to be safe for your students .
Speaker 1Absolutely Well . Y'all do a really good job , too , of like defining rules and expectations , because both my kids have been . We call them outturns , but they're interns really .
Speaker 2Everything's inside out . It's all backwards .
Speaker 1But I remember , like I have to sign the document and what they agree to , and these are the things you won't do and these are the things you won't do . And these , these are my expectations and there's a great like I have as a parent . I have to say if your grade falls below this , you can't be an outturn anymore and I love that you hold them to that . That accountability , I think , is huge .
Speaker 2It's . It's been a lot of trial and error , but there has been . I think that's what's helped with the . You know , the balance of not having parents in there is that they at least know so much of what's going on in there . They know the expectations , they know the standard that the student leadership team is being held to , and so if the parent's not there in person , they can at least know and have a peace of mind of , okay , I know what's being upheld in this group here .
Speaker 1Yeah , I love that . My daughter just shared this on her show that we did together .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1Um , but she's . There was a time when she was really struggling with her faith and she didn't want to go to church . And I love that as an outturn , you made them go to church at least once a month , I think that was your rule , or ? Something , but it was somebody other than me creating a rule about that and talking about the importance of it , not just the rule of it , but , like the , why your ?
Speaker 1heart has to be right if you're going to serve other people , and so I appreciated that . As a parent Like to me , I feel like that is true youth ministry and parents working together there yeah .
Speaker 2I think there's a really interesting balance with what you had just mentioned . But yes , the the outturns do have responsibilities . So they help us run our middle school youth group on Sundays . So they have to be at at least two of those Sundays every month . And then on Wednesdays they're helping us set up and break down , but then during group they get to be a part of the group . It's just a regular high schooler and once group ends then they set up or break down and help us clean all of the things . But there's like a really open communication between us and the outturns where if they are tired , just have a lot of homework or just not feeling well , we tell all of them tell us , and I'm not going to force you to come , but I do need there to be communication .
Speaker 1Well , and they respect you , because so many times something will be going on with my son , you know he'll have to miss for some reason . I'll be like did you tell Jorge ? Oh yeah , done , mom . Like I don't even have to , it's already done , because he respects you and you've laid out the expectations , which I think are just so good .
Speaker 2Oh man , I again a lot of trial and error . It's been hard trying to figure out , especially , you know , around like spiritual burnout . That's a tough one because these students , when they become part of our student leadership team , they're devoting a whole semester's worth of time every week . On the weekends there are extracurricular , you know , events that they have to go to , and so it's been a few occurrences where spiritual burnout has been a thing and navigating that has been difficult because I don't want to say hey , you're burnt out , don't be here then , but on the other hand I don't want to continue to fan that flame . And so that's been .
Speaker 1It's been tough to navigate , but that's going to serve you well when you become a parent yourself . Okay , I'm telling you right . The balance of that is going to serve you so well for sure .
Support from parents
Speaker 1Okay , so you spend all your time with teenagers I mean really high schoolers . You are with them all the time .
Speaker 2All the time .
Speaker 1So I think that there's a lot of wisdom you can speak into as parents , and I think what I asked you to tell us is what are three things that every teenager needs .
Speaker 2What would you say to that ? Yeah , I thought about this , all you know , since we first talked , and I think when you first asked that question my mind went blank because I thought you know that's a pretty tough question . But over time , yeah , a couple of things did come up and I think number one , especially with how we opened this conversation , was support from parents . I think support from parents is everything . Now I got the opportunity to grow up in a Christian household where my faith was encouraged . I had the support of my parents all the time .
Speaker 2But I will say we have a lot of students that parents do not attend our church or know anything about our youth group or that maybe just aren't Christians at all , and I can see how difficult it is for those students to open up about their faith , even with somebody like me , because they don't first feel supported at home . And so I would say first thing is just support your child , even if it's something that maybe you struggle to understand their faith , but to encourage them to go to youth group to ask questions and try and figure some of that out .
Speaker 1I love that . Support them , and I think too , you know , as Christians we don't really think about what it would be like as a kid who wants to know God to go home and the parents not like that . Or or advocate don't go back to that church . I mean , that's a really difficult thing that some kids walk through .
Speaker 2I've had some pretty difficult conversations where you know , like I said , the commitment , the time commitment that these student leadership members make .
Speaker 2It's a lot . So I've had parents call me and tell me hey , I'm not asking you to tell them not to go to church , but I think you need to talk to them about their time commitments at church . And it puts me in a spot where truly , what's happening is the parents don't align with what the student believes and they want me to be the one to say , hey , well , you need to listen to mom and dad , even though they're asking you not to go to church . And I respect the parents , you know , first of all , more than anything . Right , it's with the parents' support that we get to do what we do , but I won't tell them to step away from their faith at any point in time , which I've had parents ask me to do . But what I will say is I'll talk to your student and usually those conversations just come with a challenge and just a question of how are you balancing your time ? Are you valuing your faith ? Are you valuing your family ? What does that look like in your life ? But it's tough .
Speaker 1That's a real tough perspective that I think a lot of us Christian parents do not think about . We are wanting to pour into our kids' faith and having you in that position is tough , really tough . I can totally see , because you want to support the parents , like you said , and be like yes but , then you're asking them not to believe in God , like that's what some parents are asking you to say to their kids .
Speaker 2So that's a tough spot .
Speaker 2And I think what's helped me kind of navigate some of that is I've through speaking to other mentors . They've helped me realize that I'm not really so much the one that needs to find the answer to that question but rather kind of help the student kind of find the answer to that question . So you know , first and foremost I let the student know you have to honor , you know , your mother , your father , your family , like these are important things . But you know , what else does the Bible say ? What else does the Bible have for you as a follower ? What else does the Bible say , what else does the Bible have for you as a follower ? With those things , rather than looking at it as an either or honor or don't , how can we do both ? How can we honor your parents and also still pursue this relationship that you have with God ?
Speaker 1Oh , I love that . I love that , Jorge . Okay , so support from parents .
Talk about what your kid wants to talk about
Speaker 1What else do you have for me ?
Speaker 2Next this is something that I've been learning over the past couple of years . Simply put , talk about what the student wants to talk about . I think for myself as a pastor , there's so much pressure to relate to each student . I think subconsciously , when a student walks in the door , I want them to feel welcome . I want them to feel like we can have conversations . I want them to know that you know the pastor or the leadership of this group isn't this high and untouchable group of people that you know you can't really get to . They stay on the stage and that's where they live , but rather that we are , you know , all people seeking God here and we're doing it together live , but rather that we are all people seeking God here and we're doing it together .
Speaker 2What I have found through that is the pressure to relate . So I try to push topics that I like on the student basketball , traveling , whatever it may be hoping that the student will be instantly excited about one of those topics so that we can now relate . What I've found is that I need to , instead of looking for things that I enjoy to talk about , kind of forget the whole pressure of relating and just listen to what they have to say , and as soon as they feel that they can talk to me about video games or you know whatever teacher that they're enjoying at school , or you know homework that they're you know , or homework that they're upset with , they open up about all sorts of topics , and they may not be topics that I necessarily enjoy or relate to , but at least there's conversation now , and so I would say number two talk to your student or your child about what they want to talk about .
Speaker 1I think that's so good , because a lot of times we're pushing our agendas and the stuff that we want them to , and there's times for that , but getting your kid to just feel safe with you and getting into their world , like if they like art or I know my daughter did theater . I knew nothing about theater before she did that and then we took a trip to New York when I got educated on what this ?
Speaker 2you know what all did that . And then we took a trip to New York and I got educated on what this ?
Speaker 1you know what all this entails . And then she taught me about about theater all through her high school , you know , and so I think that's really important and you learn things . You are stepping outside of your hobbies or your interests and they're teaching you things into different worlds .
Speaker 2I think when you do that , they see that you care more to just have conversation rather than have them relate to you . I asked this exact question to a mentor of mine years ago . There was a student I was really struggling to have any sort of communication with . I asked him how their day was and they said it was fine . And I asked them like what they got going on tomorrow and they would say nothing . So I asked a mentor how do you , how do you find the best way to just build relationships with students ? And this is the exact advice he gave to me and he shared this example .
Speaker 2He said there was a student in his youth group that just would never speak to him but she always had , you know , her AirPods in . And finally he just decided to ask what are you listening to ? And she gave him like a very you know halfway answer you know this song and this band . He went and listened to the whole album . He told me of that band and that you know what they had just put out . And next week went and spoke to her about it and he said he just saw their eyes light up and this communication immediately just started . And so did he . Like the band . I don't know , did he like the songs ? Probably not , but the students saw it , and so that's been kind of where I aim for Find something that matters to the student , learn about it , let them teach me about it and allow that to be our conversation .
Speaker 1I think you just sharing this . The thought that comes to my mind is you know you're so invested in these students and making connections with them , and sometimes , as parents , we're so busy that we don't do that , we don't do that , you know , we don't make time for that , and I think that's such a good reminder for us . That's really good
Let your kid have ownership in the space they’re in
Speaker 1, jorge , okay , third thing .
Speaker 2Third thing yeah , this one is specific to our leadership team , but I'm sure has a place in the home too your child or student ownership over , whatever it is , the space that they are in . When I started out as a student pastor , I struggled to find ways to bring the team together , to make this not just a bunch of people that walk in and listen to me , but I wanted them to be a cohesive group , a community , a family , for a lack of better words . But what I found is that the more opportunities I gave them to be creative , come up with their own answers and solve problems , put their ideas to use , the more that area , the youth group , became theirs , rather than just me and then hosting them . It became just their own area , one that they , you know , loved and cared for .
Speaker 2And so not all ideas are great , you know . It could be something as simple like playing a game , decorating , whatever it may be , but a lot of those ideas are great and we've used plenty of them . So maybe you know in a home , what that might look like is just simply asking , you know well , what do you think , or how should we go about this , or what could this look like ? And it really does give them some sort of ownership and kind of makes them want to be there because they have now a hand in it .
Speaker 1Well , my mind immediately goes to phone guidelines and screen guidelines . We've always said that , instead of dictating to them , you can't have your phone in your bedroom . You can't do this Like talk to them about what's healthy and not , and then create the guidelines together .
Speaker 1So then they take ownership of it and it really becomes them , protecting their hearts and minds . You know the same thing too . We talk about like not watching pornography , not watching you know anything inappropriate . It's like , instead of just screaming at them , don't do that , let's talk about why that may not be helpful to you , and then they take ownership of what they're actually doing watching on the screen , and so I actually think that one's one of your most relatable ones in the home .
Speaker 1I think that's so good and you know it . It kind of summarizes where we started at when we talked about your expectations and guidelines that you set out for the outturns , and I know you've had them input on what those look like as an outturn and so them taking ownership . I think that is such good advice for parents . So many times we want to come in and just dictate the culture . And if we bring them into it and help them create the guidelines , and they will really take ownership of what am ?
Speaker 1I allowing in my heart and mind . What am I looking at on my phone ? And all of those things .
Speaker 2Yeah , I think that kind of sums up really almost all three of those doing it together , right . Think that kind of sums up really almost all three of those um doing it together , right . So the first thing I said was support um , supporting your kid , instead of just kind of maybe making decisions for them where they can go to group , where they can't go to group . You know these sorts of things . I think guidance is super important in that , but doing it together could be so neat . And then you know number two , um talking about what they want to talk , about allowing this to be a two way street rather than , kind of , how I said , just picking a topic and trying to see if they'll , you know , talk to me about something I care about . And then the last one input , you know , giving them ownership over something . All of these three things kind of show doing something together rather than one person kind of leading the whole pack .
Speaker 1Well , and I think teens are more capable than we think . Yeah , that is the thing that I have seen with your leadership and the youth group and them going on mission trips and how they're serving others . I'm like , wow , a group of teenagers are doing this and a lot of adults couldn't without complaining , and so they're capable , they are .
Speaker 2I think it's a funny conversation . Anytime I speak to other youth pastors you get the occasional comment oh man , those students right . And I'm like I honestly cannot relate . But I think it really does factor down to just how you choose to go about these things . If you choose to do it together , it'll look a lot different than if you just walk into a room and tell people what to do . But yeah , even at our youth group we have one paid , one part-time paid person other than myself I'm the only full-time person in this entire department of our church and we have more student leadership hands than we do paid staff and they are truly the ones that help us run the entire youth group , from games to screen and screens and media to worship . I mean , we have , you know , adult leaders in all of those areas , but it's the hands of the students that are running it .
Speaker 1Well , and I think that's why other students want to come to our youth group because they see that it's , it's , it's student led a lot of it . You know the Instagram that you guys put out . Oh my gosh , you guys do the cutest reels and I know so many times it's like student ideas . Yes , yeah , yeah , yeah .
Speaker 2It used to be ran by me , which I I struggle in the , you know , social media department . It's just something that I've never really put too much time into . But now currently it's being ran by a former student who graduated last year .
Speaker 1Oh , that's cool .
Speaker 2And so now she runs it and so , yeah , I mean everything truly has student leadership in it .
Speaker 1Well , I know my son was doing a reel because somebody had the idea we have baptisms this night . And so we're going to do a reel where somebody had the idea we have baptisms this night . And so we're going to do a reel where we're with my son . They were acting like he was baptizing but he was fighting to get up to make it like this weird thing . But I was like it sounds weird , but it was so cute . It was so cute . It was such a cute reel .
Speaker 2And it's neat because you know they do these reels and they create all of the stuff without me there . You know they , they take ownership over it . I don't I don't run our social media at all . I have access to it and I definitely oversee it and check it , but as far as posting , creating it , is taken care of completely by one our adult , you know , social media coordinator . But the student leadership team is the one who's creating the content , sending the ideas to us , and so it's completely ran by them .
Speaker 1It's cause you give them ownership . That's awesome . That's awesome . Well , anything
Closing remarks
Speaker 1else you want to say to parents , any other advice or anything else that you just want to plug ?
Speaker 2I would say this this is almost more for me than anybody , but I would just say , just giving yourself grace .
Speaker 2You know , the first couple of years I was a student pastor and again I'm only on year five , so I'm still working through some of this .
Speaker 2It's easy to kind of look over at other churches or how other people are doing things and then feel like I'm not doing that great , and I'm sure it could be the same you know for a parent that you look at another family , you look at how other dynamics are going and it's probably easy to feel like I'm not doing a great job . So something that I have needed to remind myself of is grace and the focus on , like the blessings and the good things that are going well . The best advice my mentor gave me . He said keep a little folder in your mind of all the great things that are going on . Advice my mentor gave me he said keep a little folder in your mind of all the great things that are going on . And so whenever you're kind of having a difficult time , go through that folder , remind yourself of like the good progress , the great things that are going on and , uh , thinking of yourself , grace , and keep moving forward .
Speaker 1Man , that's . That's a word , because comparison really is a trap and it will make you feel bad about yourself and your in your circumstances . So I think that is so great , jorge . I wish every student had a youth pastor like you . I am so thankful for all you've done for our family and pouring into my kids over these years in this quiet way .
Speaker 1It hasn't been flashy , but I've seen you and I've heard . Hey , I had a faith question and I called Jorge at 12 and we talked for an hour . This is what he told me . Like I've heard those stories . And so I and you don't do it , for nobody knows that's happening , and so I just appreciate youth pastors like you who are taking the time to get to know their students and listen to them and just just be such a beacon of light into their life . I can't thank you enough .
Speaker 2Thank you , thank you .
Speaker 1Thanks for all you do .
Speaker 2Thank you for all of your support .
Speaker 1Yep , thanks for all you do . Thank you for all of your support Yep .
Speaker 2Thanks for being here , absolutely .
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