Brian Montgomery: Update, Prayer Request & Special Message for Dads

Brian Montgomery joins the show to give us an update on his health and legislative work to help keep kids safe through Walker’s Law. We also dig into the important role dads play in our homes and community as well as Brian’s poignant challenge for dads.

Chapters

• 0:02 Navigating Family Challenges With Faith
• 6:57 Technology Regulation to Protect Children
• 16:01 Reviving the Warrior Dad Mentality
• 30:46 Teaching Faith and Priorities to Children
• 44:21 Trusting God's Plan for Families

Transcript

Kim Elerick: 0:02

Welcome to the next Talk podcast. We are passionate about keeping kids safe in an overexposed world. It's Mandy and Kim, and we're navigating tech, culture and faith with our kids. Well, we are back on the show today and I say we, but Mandy's not with me today. It's Kim flying solo, but the caveat here is that I have one of our favorite guests of all time, Brian Montgomery, joining me today. It's Kim flying solo, but the caveat here is that I have one of our favorite guests of all time, Brian Montgomery, joining me today. Welcome back to the show.

Brian Montgomery: 0:31

Well, appreciate it, appreciate you having us. You're right, it was a challenge getting back together between schedules and everything. But yeah, I'm excited to be here and just so thankful for your audience and you guys, the way you've just stuck with us through all these different trials we've gone through and, yeah, we love you guys.

Kim Elerick: 0:49

Well, we feel the same. You and Courtney and your family have just become part of the Next Talk family and very important to us, and so you taking the time to spend a few minutes with us and share your wisdom and what's going on with your family is really, really valuable, and that's honestly where I want to start. For those of you who don't know Brian attached to the show linked at the bottom, you'll see the shows he's done with us. We did one about Brian's 16-year-old son who was a victim of sextortion, and he tells that story beautifully. There are really no words to describe what you and your wife, courtney, and your family walked through. Maybe you can give us a really brief summary and then people can listen to the show, as well as the other show that you've done with us about pornography and kids and family and having candid conversations about it.

Brian Montgomery: 1:38

December the 1st of 22,. At that point we were just a normal family, raising kids and going to work and participating in our church, and just kind of just a normal family. And we lost Walker to suicide the morning of December the 1st. And once we learned of that, of the details around that, and that's like you said, that's spelled out in the podcast in detail, but you know it really brought us God, opened many doors for us to be even doing just this podcast. You know it, just it exposed us to tell that story in an effort to tell people about who Walker was and about the trap that is set for our kids in many places, especially through technology. And so you know that really just launched us into this, into this mission of going to churches and to I mean really any event that where there's a contact to teens churches, schools. You know law enforcement events. You know lots of podcasts and bring awareness to the situation. Because you know we truly Walker truly went to bed, you know, without depression, without any of the prerequisites you think about someone that will commit suicide. And we woke up to that morning to complete catastrophe.

Brian Montgomery: 2:56

September of 23, learned that I had stage four colon cancer. We've been through a liver resection at MD Anderson chemotherapy, hoping to finish that up this week. Those two things going from really had every really. I mean, I would describe our lives as having the world by the tail. You know, and God said you know, we've got a different plan. It doesn't take a lot to have faith whenever you don't see danger, that that faith has to carry you through. And so he's taught us a lot about how to live through that and how to walk through that, and he's doing that every day.

Kim Elerick: 3:37

You know it's interesting. You say that those events have defined your life the last couple of years, and when I think about you, from the day that we met you and the story that we heard about your family you know, and Walker, of course and then finding out about the colon cancer, what always comes to mind first is you know, I think I would have been curled up in the corner and yet you said, okay, lord, you know I don't understand this, you know it's not something. I know how to navigate, but I will be obedient. And you have stepped forward with your family to share his story and share yours and your faith, and your commitment to that and to getting the word out to save other teens is absolutely inspiring. That defines you in my mind. All that you've walked through and still putting God first, and for that we are so thankful because we receive the benefit of that.

Brian Montgomery: 4:28

You know that's a daily struggle. It's a daily battle to take that attitude. I think it's easy to be skeptical of that, and rightfully so, because every day is not what you see here on this podcast. I mean, every day is different, every day has different challenges.

Brian Montgomery: 4:47

Shortly, really very quickly, after losing Walker, we just, courtney and I, looked at each other and said do we believe what we say we're going to believe? Do we really believe that there is an eternal position that we're going to take with Christ and do we believe that Walker is with eternal position that we're going to take with Christ, and is it? Is it? Do we believe that Walker is with Christ now in heaven, and is it? Do we believe those things or do we not?

Brian Montgomery: 5:12

Because our behavior will dictate, you know, what we really believe. Our behavior will reveal the reality of our heart. I would be honest with you and my, my personal. I would say that my personal drive is around. That, you know, is okay. Brian, you say you believe this. Do you? And and um, and if you do, then you'll live life in a way that reveals that, and if you don't, I mean you'll curl up in a corner and say I don't care about the world, I don't care about God, I don't care about my family, I just, I just want out. You know, that's that's where we stand and that's what drives us. And we know that God is real. We know he's shown us so many times, so many different ways, so many different opportunities serving him that we could not have created. And um so he shows us every day he's real and we believe him.

Kim Elerick: 5:58

Amen. Well, you definitely, um, are the right man for the job. When we started talking about dads, because one of the things that our listeners have really responded to is you are an every man kind of dad. You're that dad that so many, like my husband and the dads that we meet can relate to. You're hardworking, you're a family man, you're involved in your church and, with your kids and your wife, strong marriage, so we've been able to relate to you in that sense. And so, as we were thinking about how important it is to recognize the role of men and dads in the family for our sons and daughters, you are the first person that came to mind and you had mentioned in the past about you know God had been putting that on your heart about the role of men in the lives of their kids, and so that's what we're going to talk about today. Before we jump into that, one more quick thing. You had some pretty exciting news about a bill that passed that you were kind of spearheading. Can you just give us a quick update about that?

Brian Montgomery: 6:56

Yeah. So I mean, what we realized pretty quickly is in the world of technology it was truly the Wild West from a regulatory standpoint and you know I would. My position would be that you know we had. I don't think we've experienced a product design as dangerous as technology is in our, in human history, and for that not to have any, I mean, we regulate all kinds of things. You know there's things that are not even really that dangerous that we regulate and a lot of those things are driven financially. We understand all that. But you know, from the speed limit on the highway to the age of drinking, you know those things where they're regulated because if not taken seriously they can be dangerous Technology, especially, I mean, for us, and it contributed to the loss of our son, and I recognize and we recognize that something needed to be done and so pretty quickly plugged in with some other parents around the country that were working on other legislations.

Brian Montgomery: 8:02

We have a there's a federal, there's a drive for a federal bill called the Kids on the Line Safety Act. Before you know, when we was really working those angles, we were engaged in trying to get senators and congressmen on board with that bill and the parallel strategy was to have states come up with their own legislation and those state legislations, you know, drive what we may do on a federal scale. It would put pressure on technology tech companies to follow suit and recognize that if 40 states in the country have state legislation, they're going to have to abide by each one of those, and we knew it was going to be a fight. You know, mississippi is one of the most you of the most, I would say conservative states in the country, and not that this is a conservative issue all the way around, but it is an issue that I think that conservatives really can attach to. Our families depend on it, our society depends on it, and so we just started looking at what do we need to do from a legislative standpoint?

Brian Montgomery: 9:05

And there was really there's two bills that we worked on. One of those was a criminal bill that made sextortion specifically a crime and it defined. It defined the parameters around the first offense, second offense, third offense, and you know there's there's lots of language in there about, you know, sentencing requirements and things like that, which was important, but there's I mean there are some existing laws that we can prosecute people that wouldn't like the people that went after Walker already on the book, so it wasn't. To me it's important, but it wasn't as important as the other piece of legislation, which was the online harms prevention type language. It's protecting kids. The name of the bill was the Walker Montgomery Protecting Children Online Act, and that bill is designed to protect kids from the product designs that tech is feeding them with Inappropriate content, dangerous content, harmful content, exploiting their youth for advertisements, the algorithms, all those things that we know that a minor shouldn't be exposed to, that they're not responsible enough yet to really recognize the difference between a fake and a real. And even adults we can't either. I mean we can go, we can go down that rabbit hole.

Brian Montgomery: 10:27

Minors, they lack the ability to think responsibly about some of these things, and Walker was a perfect example of that, falling into a trap that I mean he was a kid that really wasn't on social media all that much. So I mean he wasn't. He wasn't a. You know, he wasn't a tech. I'm just on the phone, you know, 20 hours a day looking at, looking at this, but but it still found him right. You know, we know that tech companies have the ability to censor let's use that word because they've done it to us, whether we're talking about COVID or whether we're talking about these political elections, all these different things. They have the ability to censor where they want to censor, but when it came to our kids' health and well-being, they choose to say well, that's the First Amendment and we can't stop a guy from Nigeria contacting your son because it would interfere with his First Amendment rights. So they pick and choose, and so the effort on that bill was to define and put some regulatory parameters around tech that they have to identify is this a minor or is this an adult? If it's a minor, there's a certain number of regulations that they have to abide by and they have to prevent those designs from bringing that harmful content to kids. I will tell you that it wasn't without a tremendous fight, even though our bill, I think, passed as fast as any other one in the country. Just really a year worth of working on it is what it took. But we were doing, we were, we were, I had surgery.

Brian Montgomery: 12:00

Our legislative session is in, is in, is annual, but it's in the, you know, january. I think it's end of December, january, february, and it goes out like mid-March. I had really kind of just turned it over to some of our political allies to spearhead it and we got out of I got out of surgery in February and we were recovering from that and really hadn't been staying in that loop and we get down to the last 10 days of session and we realized that it had been referred into dual committees, which I had a lot about the legislative process I didn't know and still don't know, but that's a pretty significant move, which means that they probably don't want this bill to pass out of committee. Oh, wow, yeah, a dual referred bill means that these committees have different specialties that they're looking at and what I was told pretty quickly is that, look, it's not going to pass, it's not going to come out of committee to even go for a vote, even though that it passed unanimous out of the House and the Senate. It's not going to take it up because we've got. They didn't really give us a good reason other than they were worried about First Amendment challenges.

Brian Montgomery: 13:15

What we really found was that for the last four to six weeks the tech lobby had been working overtime in Jackson and at our capital. Of course I was incapacitated so I really couldn't defend and of course you've got to have somebody that's passionate, and we did. We have some legislators that were passionate about the bill, but it's still until you have somebody to really spearhead it that's had firsthand experience with the harms that it causes. Sure, it just wasn't getting any traction, so that last 10 days we went into overdrive. You know, in our credit programs just like yours, I mean we had, because of all the work we had done, speaking engagements, you know, conversations directly with parents, lots of podcasts, that built a pretty strong coalition around our calls, and so when we started asking for support and phone calls to go to Jackson, what we understand is that the phone lines lit up pretty readily. I think that our legislators learned pretty quick that it was not going to be that easy and that the people of Mississippi weren't going to just roll over. So that's incredible.

Brian Montgomery: 14:25

Long, short, short. We got it passed, we got them both passed and we signed it into law by the governor and it's, it's, went into, went into state law January, july 1st. So that is very blessed, god. God just put yeah, god just put all those pieces together. He just, he just went to work, you know, and so it was a tremendous win, I think. You know, I posted some of that on my, on my personal social media. You know Walker's mission, which is kind of the heading we're working under now, walker's mission on Instagram, facebook, and you can see what we'll have posted. There's posts there about the bill if you want to read up on it. So it's been quite a ride.

Kim Elerick: 15:06

I was just wondering is there a plan or is there any movement as far as bringing this to other states, like you mentioned?

Brian Montgomery: 15:13

It is. Yeah, there's a network of parents around the country that are working. Typically, it's driven, I mean, unfortunately, it's driven by somebody just like us, somebody that's lost somebody. Uh, to some, I mean, obviously ours was extortion. There's online bullying. There's, you know, there's there's uh, we've got the issues with you know, really drug deals going on across across these platforms. Uh, there's human trafficking. I mean there's just a host of harmful things that are happening that typically it takes somebody that will experience tremendous loss, which is the most idiotic thing you could ever imagine. That it takes for this to happen, but unfortunately it does. But there are parents all across the country that are working those angles.

Kim Elerick: 16:01

Okay, that's good to hear, and if there's a parent listening and they want to learn more about the bill, maybe get involved, maybe perhaps spearhead something in their state. Again, mention where they can learn more about it online.

Brian Montgomery: 16:13

Yeah, I would tell them online would be to link through Walker's Mission Instagram or Facebook pages and that'll take you directly to the bills. But if you want some support and help I mean I've been contacted by multiple groups of parents I'll do anything I can to help. So you can contact me. Just look me up on Facebook and direct message me and I'll do whatever I can do to help Tell you what we did, tell you what our biggest roadblocks were and we have. I mean, and that's what I did. I mean there's a parent there in Texas that Maureen Malote, and you know David's legacy. Miss Maureen was a tremendous support avenue for me. She's already been down that road, already paved the road.

Kim Elerick: 16:59

So she, you know I was talking to her routinely about hey, what do you think about this? You know how do we do it, okay, so thank you for that, and you know, parents. If you need reminders or any information on how to get that that contact information, you can always email us at admin at next talkorg Maureen's a big partner with us and an advocate that we support and love as well.

Kim Elerick: 17:22

So let's shift gears now and talk about the role of dads. It is so important and often, I would say, undeservingly ignored a little bit, and sometimes it put on a different platform than moms. I don't know why or how that became some of the standard, even in the shows. The way dads and husbands are presented, sometimes that they watch, it's not a good role model. It's not a good example of what a good leader and dad looks like, and so I know this is an important topic on your heart. What are your thoughts on that? The role of dad in the family and with kids.

Brian Montgomery: 17:58

Yeah, so I mean preparing just thinking about coming on here and talking about this is something I had been thinking about for the last I don't know, probably six weeks or so, and I'll circle this back around specifically to dads. But we have very efficiently learned how to outsource activities in our lives and we could talk about just chores around the house. I mean everything that's common to what we do. You know, we've become a society that really don't want to touch those things ourselves and that's okay, whether it's cutting your own grass or you name it right. You know our kids. We feel like as a society I think many people feel like that the church is responsible for providing some spiritual guidance and spiritual training to our kids. I'm on the board at our local school and we've tried to outsource behavioral instruction and discipline to the school system and we can fill in the blank with that, right. I mean there's a lot of aspects of our lives that we've chosen to outsource and we've taken that to a degree that is not healthy. And because I'm responsible for training my kids my wife and I are responsible for that. I'm responsible, I mean I'm not. You know, when we talk about what's the role of the local school system. You know, we want to provide a safe place for them to build a good school and a good education. And you're expected to show up with discipline. We're expected to show up with behavioral, you know, aspects corrected at home. Well, that's not the expectation in our society anymore. It's not the expectation in our society anymore. The expectation in our society is that we just live life and we don't want to touch those things because they're dirty and they're hard and it's hard to get them right. I mean, all those things are messy, right, any of the messy work. We this and chosen to outsource those roles that I know are my roles to typically my wife, and so what I really want to do is challenge dads for what we were intended to be, and I think that this idea about who we are as men being challenged in our culture is undeniable. I mean, you can't turn on a Disney movie.

Brian Montgomery: 20:27

The dumbest, most irresponsible person and the character in whatever program you're watching is the dad. There's multiple problems with that. One is the loss of respect for the male figure in the home from who are watching that. But the other side of that is it sets the expectation for dads in our culture that, hey, they don't expect much from me. They don't expect me to be responsible. They don't expect me to instill discipline and wise counsel. They don't expect me to be the leader in my home. They expect me to be the dumb guy that home. They expect me to be the dumb guy that just wants a bag of popcorn and a football game. Whenever those boundaries get broken like that.

Brian Montgomery: 21:08

We're now in a place where we've got to take that back and we've got to set a different standard, and so the standard I want to encourage men I think most men can relate to this is a warrior mindset. I mean, we were built to defend. We were built to protect our families. We were built to provide for our families.

Brian Montgomery: 21:27

Anybody that is engaged in that activity knows that it's a fight. It is truly a fight. It is truly a war out there, every single day that we step out into this society, unless you go along with society. That's the only way for that not to be the case, and Christ was clear about that that look, if you think that you're not going to be in this fight, look at me, look at how they treated me. They're going to treat you just as bad. And so we don't want to hear that, because that's not fun. That's not tailgating at the football game, right, I mean, that's a different. That's going to the football game and maybe having an opinion about the activities that are happening there, or you know it requires that.

Brian Montgomery: 22:12

And so you know we, as dads, we have a role to play, and that role is not always I'm the most friendly guy. It's not always I'm the funnest guy. It's that. These are some responsibilities that I have as a dad. I need to take them seriously because we view that collectively I'm saying the Next Talk team and myself and our family we view that as a spiritual. This is a spiritual war that we're in. The devil is out there trying to find ways every day to make me stumble, every single day.

Brian Montgomery: 22:45

Because you know what he does not want me in this fight. He doesn't want me defending my family. He doesn't want me being the one to say, hey, we're not going to do that. He doesn't want me being the one that says, hey, we're not going to hang around with that person, even though they're really popular, even though they've won the most football games or baseball games, or you call it. Even though they're that person, we're going to choose not to participate in that, and that's hard. I mean, there's nothing easy about that.

Brian Montgomery: 23:11

So what that looks like in the home, I think it varies. I think we all come from different places. We all come from different backgrounds. So for me to sit here and say, hey, dad, these are the five things that you need to be doing as a dad, and this will make you right, I don't think that's the answer. The answer is the mindset. We want to set the mindset and the outcomes will follow. But that mindset to me is I'm going to defend my family and I'm not going to outsource that. I'm not going to outsource that to the police department. I'm not going to outsource that to the, to the, to the government. I'm going to take it, I'm going to take my responsibility seriously.

Kim Elerick: 23:50

Well and that's a bold statement with you know the demasculization we've seen in our culture, and when a man steps into that role, often they are attacked, you know. And so when you use a term like warrior, culturally a lot of people would say well, what you know, that's a fighter, you're going to yell at your kids, you're going to be violent. Jesus was a warrior for our lives and he was the gentlest, kindest, truth-telling, line-dividing but also people-bringing bringing together person that ever walked this planet and that who that is who our dads need to be emulating. You know that kind of warrior that I will set, set a standard, I will stand up for what's right and it's been lost so much in our culture because men have been attacked. So this, this is so important for dads to hear and sons to hear who are watching their dads.

Brian Montgomery: 24:42

I look at where we came from, the way I was raised and kind of the expectations in school compared to the way we see schools operate today in regard to young boys. Boys will be aggressive. They will be aggressive. That is in their nature, it's in their DNA. And if you suppress that aggression, there's not an animal I'm going to put this outside of a spiritual example but there's not an animal on this planet that the young males of that species don't work out their dominance between one another, butting heads in the field. I mean, that's how it's done, that's what sets those, that's what prepares us for that warrior mindset. I know like the way it was in my generation. I was born in 76. I'm 48 years old, so our generation.

Brian Montgomery: 25:36

Two boys getting into a fight on the playground. We lost some time in the playground the next day at recess. Now you talk about demonization. Two boys that get into a scuffle. It is like the end of the world. What would have been a skint knee, bloody nose, busted lip, something very marginal. They can't hurt each other.

Brian Montgomery: 26:00

What we're seeing now is that aggression is coming out somewhere else. Yes, that aggression is coming out of how they treat the girls. The aggression is coming out of how they treat each other. And so back to this outsourcing concept. Men have a certain leaning about how life is and what we're built to do, and women have a different view of that. What's our schools ran by? I'm not blaming women. I'm just telling you that, as a general statement, a mother's role is to prevent those things from happening. It's just her nature. Her nature is don't do that, don't do that, and that's fine. But these things have to be worked out, because if they're not, they will reappear. And if they don't reappear, what we see is boys that start to live life like girls, and we're starting to transition into that today. And so that mindset around that warrior dad that's out there and is trying to fight for his family, it becomes. Well, I'm just going to be passive, I'm just going to kind of let this work out, I'm just going to kind of not address that. And so it leads us to where we are, which is a family that is in real trouble.

Brian Montgomery: 27:14

I will defend my family, and I'm not talking about violence here. I'm talking about with how I instruct them, with how I instruct them with wise counsel, with what I allow to go on in my home, and look, I'm saying all that, and many times I'll make those kinds of statements, and I know it's a spiritual war, because Satan will say, brian, who do you think you are having that reaction? I mean, look at where you're at and look at what you've lost and I mean you obviously weren't doing that good of a job. That doesn't change the reality, that doesn't change what we're against and where we're at in our culture. And yeah, I just want to challenge men to be that man that says you know what? I'm going to call my family to be holy. I'm going to call them to be gentle. I'm going to call them to a loving relationship. I'm going to call them to be able to forgive.

Brian Montgomery: 28:08

Those things are things that we typically think about the mom instructing and that's just not the role. I mean the roles are. We are the leaders of our home. That was the way it was from day one. This thing was created and that's our leanings, that's our home. That was the way it was from day one. This thing was created. That's our leanings. Our talents are built around that.

Kim Elerick: 28:28

Yeah, god created men and women. We have different bents and we have different gifts and abilities. I see it in my own home. I think it's really important what you just said. You talked about being the leader of the home and teaching you know. Teaching about, you know, gentleness. Yes, teaching about you know loving God and treating people a certain way, but also defending your family.

Kim Elerick: 28:52

And I think that's such a hard balance and one that has not, like you said, been supported or encouraged for our men in this last generation well, few generations and so it's kind of this resurgence of where's our family? What have we lost? And we've got our kids in these schools, my husband's in education, and people say all the time they drop their kids off and they say fix this, fix my kid. They take them to counseling, fix my kid. They want to wash their hands of it, and so when you have a dad leading that charge and the wife following right behind in partnership, then you have homes that are falling apart, just like you're saying, and so it is a moment, I think, in history where dads have an opportunity to stand up and not only be these warrior dads that you're talking about as far as their faith and their leadership, but also protecting their families and training up the next generation so it doesn't happen again.

Brian Montgomery: 29:46

Yeah, and I think there's. You know, we talk about a lot of I talk a lot about traps. You know what, and I really a lot of that conversation is around where Walker found himself that night, you know, in this trap. This was a trap, that was a devastating trap and but you know, walking, walking through life, there are all kinds of traps that are set, and I think the I mean so what would this? I mean think about us as a nation, and that's really kind of what we're talking about as a culture and society at large. You know, what does it say to us whenever the and I think we even I've even felt victim to this that what is the most important thing in a presidential election? Well, nobody would ever argue with the fact that it's the economy. Is that really the most important thing? Is that really? Because, if it is, it tells every dad and mom on the planet, every family, it tells every kid that, because that's how we live, we do live that way, like I will take a stand. Until what do you expect me to do? Lose my job? Yeah, that may be what it costs. That may be exactly what it costs. Well, that's easy to say. It's harder to do.

Brian Montgomery: 30:55

Look, we're not called the warriors with. Courage is not called to be courageous whenever it's not dangerous. Courage is not called to be courageous whenever it's not dangerous. That is the definition of courage is that you enter into a dangerous situation knowing that it's dangerous and not counting that cost because you know it's the right thing to do. Yeah, that's what we're calling. We're calling for you to be courageous. We're calling for families and parents and dads to step into this, for families and parents and dads to step into this.

Brian Montgomery: 31:24

So my point about the traps was that you know, as a dad, it's a whole lot easier for me if I want to just pursue a life of wealth, and some people out there are going to listen to this and say, well, I'm having a really tough time just building wealth. You know I'm having a hard time paying my light bill and I get that. My point is is that when we prioritize that as the most important thing, well, guess what our kids are going to see, guess what our kids are going to do, guess what our wife is going to follow suit in that. So, as a dad, we set the pace of what are we going to view the most important and saying it is just saying it. We've got to do it. We've got to make those hard decisions that cost us something. A faith that doesn't cost you anything is worth exactly what you pay for that. God calls us into a relationship with His Son, and it costs something. And if it doesn't cost something, you may not be doing it right.

Kim Elerick: 32:15

That's a word right there. I mean for men and women and kids and kids For dads that are listening right now, thinking about your own life and what you've walked through and some of the experiences you've had and where you're at now. What are some things, what are the most important things you think they need to pass on to their young men.

Brian Montgomery: 32:36

I would say number one is a love, a love for scripture, a love for God. You know, a love for Scripture, a love for God, a love for an understanding that this instills a real understanding that this life is just the beginning, it's not the end. And that sets a precedence in how we approach life. Because if I have the expectation that this life is all there is and I'm talking about it getting teaching that in a way that that becomes real and tangible, because it's easy for me to say I've kind of alluded to that when we're talking about with Walker, you know, it's easy for me to say I believe that if I've accepted Christ as my savior, that I'm going to be in heaven in eternity and he's preparing this place for me and that my Son is there and I believe all those things, I say I believe all those things, but if I live like I don't, it means I don't, that's just. I can't see there's no middle ground there. If I don't live like I believe that, then I probably don't believe it. I would say the first and foremost, and probably the higher priority, is to understand that this life is just the beginning and how we treat one another and how we go through this life. I can spend all my time and energy pursuing wealth, pursuing athletics, pursuing you name it. If those things are not done in a context of understanding, I'm going to veer off track. I'm going to veer off track if that's not built around a view of eternity. You have no choice, because then the business deal becomes the business deal. If the first order of priority is the wealth, then I need to get the wealth, no matter what. But if the first order of priority is eternity, it means I need to be loving above everything else. It means I need to be compassionate among everything else. It means I need to be loving above everything else. It means I need to be compassionate among everything else. It means I need to be forgiving among everything else. And none of us have that just right. I'm not trying to say I don't want anybody to hear this. Brian thinks he's really got it going on. I don't, I don't. God calls us into this walk, into this faith over time to bring us closer to Him and make us more like Him. But that reality, teaching our kids that specific reality, will transform the way we behave and the way we treat our friends and family more than anything else. And so then, digging into the Scripture and learning what happens, I'll tell you something that's been really important for our family, and I don't I don't see this being a controversy at all, but because we've really enjoyed the Chosen series, I mean it's, it's really given us. So we, you know, as a family, we've, we've, we've watched I think we have the last one to go for this season We've watched I think we have the last one to go for this season. But it's amazing how well they do with bringing to life the characters that were there with Christ. You really just get a feel and you feel those words in Scripture.

Brian Montgomery: 35:39

I know there's a lot of things in that that are not even spelled out in Scripture. They're filling in some blanks that we don't know the answers to. We don't know that they happened, we don't know that they didn't happen, but from what I can tell, it's fairly biblically accurate. I haven't seen anything that I would say. Well, that's leading us down a road that I would find uncomfortable, or in the air of scripture. And as a family, it gives you some time. I mean, we can read, you know, we can read the story of Jesus, you know, raising Lazarus from the dead and it has a certain connotation, but when you see it in the characters and the real, you know, um, emotions that Christ showed and all those things. That that's that's different, yeah and uh, just taking those opportunities, whatever they are in your own family, but taking those opportunities to bring to life who Jesus really is, because out of that will outpour every other behavior that we're trying to talk about.

Brian Montgomery: 36:34

As a dad, so what do I want my kids to be? What do I want my family to be? First and foremost, I want them to have those attitudes towards one another that only can be achieved through a love of Christ. Secondarily, you want your kids to contribute to society positively. So bringing them those opportunities that build their character with us. Work, ethic, hard work. Don't outsource the cutting of the grass, don't outsource chopping the firewood. We did it when we were kids. These kids are stronger than we were. So I mean, there's no reason for us to do that, other than our lack of willpower to say no, you're going to do it and we're going to do it together.

Brian Montgomery: 37:17

And the climate of our kids when it comes to athletics the climate of our kids when it comes to athletics. First off, I would warn you that Satan has no bounds to what he will use against you, whether it's the church, whether it's your view of the church, whether it's that pastor, whether it's the Sunday school teacher or whether it's the travel baseball team. Not against travel baseball, not against football, not against any of that. It's starting to feel a lot like the dad that would go to work on Monday and he runs his business like a nonbeliever, but on Sunday he's the deacon and you can't separate those two. I mean, either you're a Christian or you're not. You're going to treat people right or you're not, even when the business deal may not be to your advantage. Our kids are learning. They're learning not exclusively.

Brian Montgomery: 38:06

I'm not saying this is the potential trap. I'm saying it could lead to this that there is no higher order of importance than their athletic abilities. And we see that with what are we spending our time on? And I just see that being a current trap with our family. It can be done right. It's just like anything else. It can be done right and it could be done wrong.

Brian Montgomery: 38:30

And I want to challenge dads to take pride in how your kids treat his. You know the people that he's his teammates and his opponents and not to say don't strive to do your best, but take pride in the right things, because they know our kids know what we take pride with. They know when we're proud. And so if I'm more proud of the home run than I am, of him being humble and conscious of his opponents and teammates, well then guess what he's going to. I mean, I'm going to get what I incentivize and I'm incentivizing home runs over his behavior. I'm going to get more home runs. And if I'm incentivizing home runs over his behavior, I'm going to get more home runs.

Kim Elerick: 39:13

And it speaks so clearly to the word that you've said multiple times it's trap. And when Jesus is not our first priority, like you're saying, if that's not number one and learning to love people well and have integrity, and all of that, satan's traps are going to be the death of us and our kids. And it looks like you said it looks different. You know it can be in sports, it can be in our marriages, it can be in our drive for the most money or the highest sales, whatever it is those traps or internet schemes, you know, because our kids don't have boundaries online. So Satan's just waiting in the wings with these traps. And so dads and moms, yes, but this show specifically for dads no-transcript.

Brian Montgomery: 40:13

I mean, we don't have to do it this way. You know, if I'm a fighter and I mean by that just the attitude towards solving a problem, you know I don't like the way my current team, you know, treats their opponents. Well, let's do our own. Let's do our own. We may not win every game. That's not the absolute most important thing. That's hard because, I'm going to tell you, even the most diligent Christians are missing this in a lot of ways. Look, I'm missing it in a lot of ways. My passion is the outdoors and hunting. I can see I have to fight that with everything I've got. You go back to Jesus' own words. You know, don't lay up our treasures here, but they won't last, you know. And so I have to.

Brian Montgomery: 41:01

I really have to fight against that, because there's things, especially right now, because it seems like I will say that, you know, just being honest, this is way more of a reality now than before. We lost Walker. We were living life, felt like we kind of had it going on, felt like we could have our toe in both ponds, so to speak, and in the world's pond and in God's pond. And I'm not sure that's capable, I'm not sure that's possible, because the world does things one way and God asks us to do things another way, and so I'm having to fight through that because I want things just like they used to be. I was very comfortable, I was very happy, I felt like I was okay spiritually.

Brian Montgomery: 41:45

I think that was deception and I have to remind myself of that because I want all that back. I don't want what I have today. I'm just being honest. I mean, god has to remind me all the time that my plan is better than your plan. You've got to believe me, you've got to have faith in me. If you have faith that I can see you through eternity, you've got to have faith that this is a better way. That's what I want to call dads to is just man, just please just see that and believe it and see what he's done for you. Accumulate those wins that God brought to your home and recognize that he won't let you down, he won't quit on you, and remind yourself of that. If you can't remind yourself of that, find another dad, another man in your life that can help you work through that, because that's another thing that we're missing is that camaraderie among Christians Christian men especially that can hold one another up.

Kim Elerick: 42:42

It's so good, that is so true. I think we were right in that you are just the right person to talk to our dads today and our young men and women, because our young women are out there. What am I looking for in a husband? What am I looking for in the person to lead our family? And that starts in the home, when they're looking at you, dad, and so this is a great template and a great challenge. That you are a warrior, but a warrior in Christ looks different than just a guy out there on the battlefield, and you've painted that picture really beautifully, really beautifully today. Is there anything else you want to share with our dads today before we wrap up?

Brian Montgomery: 43:13

Yeah, I think that you know some of the things that we think of that are I was just when you said that it just it just made me think about you know how we, as men, what do we? How do we lead our daughters? You know, cause that's a little bit different than me, how I lead my boys versus how I lead my daughters, and you know something that and I would say, start this conversation early. So there's a clear expectation. But you know, I want my daughters to fully expect that whoever they decide they think they want to marry, that it's got to pass the approval of me. You know that's kind of an old school thought, right, I mean, it's kind of an old school idea that you know we've kind of converted that to. I need to go ask her dad before I marry her.

Brian Montgomery: 43:57

My most precious possession is my daughter. You know the idea that I'm going to give her to somebody that's not worthy of that. And I say that with not just saying that. I mean obviously we're going to be biased towards our kids and we want the best for them, but there are certain characteristics that our daughters should expect, that her dad should require, of who we're going to give her to. Some people are going to look at you very strange about that. They're going to look at you very oddly and say what are you amiss in my life? I do what I want to do. I'm grown now I've got a 20-year-old daughter. It's not because I want to instill some authority over you. It's no different than how Christ views us. I want the best for you.

Kim Elerick: 44:50

Well, and if you look at that kind of holistically, if you are emulating what it looks like to be a good husband and a good dad, then your daughter will be looking for that and then it's more likely that you will approve of who she finds. God's plan often works when we work the plan, if that makes sense. It's a very simple way to say it.

Brian Montgomery: 45:05

Oh, absolutely.

Kim Elerick: 45:07

Well, you have shared some really good wisdom today, both for dads and sons and daughters, and how that all works together, and we're just so excited about the bill that passed and the opportunity possibly to pass that in other states and for it to become a federal initiative. I mean, we will be praying for that and your treatment. We will continue as a Next Talk family to be praying for your health, of course, and we'll keep our listeners updated with that. But ultimately, just thank you. Thank you for being willing to be here and share with our families and you're always so transparent and so relatable and you just have good wisdom that I know comes from God, but you're obedient to share it.

Brian Montgomery: 45:44

Yeah, I appreciate that. I would ask the audience just continue to pray for a good report when we go back to Houston here in a few weeks and pray that. You know I'm really excited about getting all this behind me because I'm ready to get back and haven't done any speaking really to amount to anything since I don't know the last year ago. So you know, as we're thinking through the future and what our mission moves to and kind of how we go forward like we were talking about with Next Talk and what's next Just pray that God would open those doors and show us where he wants us and that we would be obedient to that.

Kim Elerick: 46:20

Amen, we'll be praying. Thank you so much, brian. This podcast is ad-free because of all the people who donate to our nonprofit. Make a donation today at nexttalkorg.

Brian Montgomery: 46:33

This podcast is not intended to replace the advice of a trained healthcare or legal professional, or to diagnose, treat or otherwise render expert advice regarding any type of medical, psychological or legal problem. Listeners are advised to consult a qualified expert for treatment.