nextTalk
How do we keep our kids safe online? How do we protect our children in an overexposed, sexualized culture?
Join Mandy Majors (award-winning author of "TALK" and "Keeping Kids Safe in a Digital World") for real conversations about the intersection of tech, culture and faith.
nextTalk is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization keeping kids safe by creating a culture of open communication in families, churches and schools.
nextTalk
Parenting Advice with Pastor Emmitt
Pastor Robert Emmitt was the founding pastor at Community Bible Church in San Antonio, TX. God used him over the years to grow the church and minister to our families. There are so many teachable moments we use from him on our shows and in our nextTalk parenting principles! He has a been a father figure to many of us!
This is the church where our little moms’ group started. Under Pastor Robert’s leadership, the church encouraged us to keep growing our group and eventually form a nonprofit and take it to every church and school that would have us! He is full of parenting wisdom. So many practical nuggets to take from this show.
KEEPING KIDS SAFE ONLINE
Connect with us...
www.nextTalk.org
Facebook
Instagram
Contact Us...
admin@nextTalk.org
P.O. BOX 160111 San Antonio, TX 78280
Welcome to the n ext Talk podcast. We are passionate about keeping kids safe in an overexposed world.
Kim Elerick:It's Mandy and Kim and we're navigating tech, culture and faith with our kids.
Mandy Majors:Hey guys, it's Mandy and Kim on the Next Talk podcast today and we have a very, very special guest. Pastor Robert Emmett is here.
Robert Emmitt:Hi everybody.
Mandy Majors:If you guys don't know, pastor Emmett, he founded the church where we started and he, god, used Robert to grow that church from like zero to 20,000 people. So Robert has been through it. In the middle of all that, he's raising three kids too, so he has a lot of advice to talk to us about all sorts of things. But today we're focusing on parenting. But, robert, first I want you to just introduce yourself. Tell us about your family, tell us about anything that you want to share with us.
Robert Emmitt:All right, I'll give you the short version. I'm Robert Emmett. I was born in Hollywood, florida, grew up in Memphis, atlanta, new Orleans and San Antonio. My dad was in corporate America and got transferred about every four years and when we got to San Antonio he told the company no more transfers because we were in middle school and high school. So 69 on San Antonio was home for us. I'm the youngest of three.
Robert Emmitt:I'm an introvert by nature and about half the large church pastors are, and people are always no way, yeah way. Introvert doesn't mean we don't like people. It doesn't mean we can't speak or do that. It just means we recharge alone. An extrovert like Ed Newton, who took over CBC from me, which he's awesome he's an extrovert. At the end of Sunday I'd go home on the back porch and watch the sunset all by myself. Ed, he plays basketball with six or seven other guys. So that's the difference between introverts and extroverts.
Robert Emmitt:Had no desire to be in ministry, grew up in church, wonderful family, great parents they lived married 46 years before my dad passed away but great brother and sister, so a good, normal life. I was not the brightest teenager. I've always had a need for speed and thrills, so I met a lot of police officers along my driving journey. They were all very nice and I just figured they wanted my autograph and I was happy to give it to them. Probably could have paid for a college education for what I paid in speeding tickets. But I went to A&M, got a degree in ag economics. Originally I wanted to be a wildlife and fishery biologist. I dreamed of working in the Rocky Mountains, away from people and working with animals.
Robert Emmitt:And when, I guess after my freshman year in college, I felt the Lord calling me into ministry I didn't even know what that meant Went to my pastor over at Castle Hills and I said I don't even know what you guys do, but I can't get rid of this idea. I said for all I know, you play golf on Sunday or Monday through Friday and preach on Sunday. And he laughed and he said well, we do a little more than that. But it didn't overwhelm me with it. He just said let me ask you this If the Lord opens the door for you, will you walk through it? And I said well, yeah. And I said what do you mean? Opens the door? He said gives you opportunities, things like that. I said, yeah. He said well then, let's just get on our knees and tell the Lord that. So we did. And I got up and I had peace. It's kind of like okay, it's on the Lord's shoulders, not mine. I went to the preacher, we prayed, so, lord, if you open the doors, you know I'll walk through them.
Robert Emmitt:Went back to college and the Lord opened the door to be a Bible study teacher for a youth group and I did that for a while. The preacher's kid was in my class and he was a senior in high school and he loved, you know, making a fool out of me because I thought I was just kind of there to babysit high schoolers and you know he embarrassed me, made me some mad. I started studying my lessons so I knew what I was going to be talking about. That was my journey into the youth world. Then served as a youth pastor for a summer, went back to A&M my junior year and went to the student ministries Department of Baptist Student Union.
Robert Emmitt:I said, if you ever need a preacher, I'd like to try. And the guy said have you ever preached? And I said yeah, once, on a Sunday night. And he said, how did it go? I said I hated it. I said yeah, I had a 20 minute message and it was over in nine minutes and that hot red flush. You know, I wouldn't even let my parents come to it because I didn't want to embarrass them. And after that I said I will never preach again. I hated this.
Robert Emmitt:But after a summer with my mentor pastor he said just tell the BSU guys. So I did, checked in on a Friday night, you know, before semester started on Monday, hadn't even unpacked my truck, went to the BSU and I said if you need a preacher, I'd like to try. After I told him that he hands me a name and a number and he said call this man and tell him you're the preacher this Sunday. Okay. So I go to my dorm room, I get on the phone, call the old man, my roommate comes in and he hears me saying hey, I'm your preacher for this Sunday. And the guy says okay, be there at 1045. Church starts at 11. And my roommate says what are you doing? I said I don't know. I'm about to preach this Sunday at a little country church and he just laughed at me. He wasn't much of a believer at that time but went and preached at the church. Funny experience about it.
Robert Emmitt:You know, I walked in, met the old man, introduced myself and a little country church, one of those little white churches you drive by on your vacation. You wonder, does anybody really go to those on Sunday? About 10 people do, and that's usually the only thing About 10 people. I walked in, he shows me the pulpit, I had my message ready and I said who leads the music? And he said the preacher. And I said oh man. And I said oh man.
Robert Emmitt:I saw who plays the piano and he said well, the preacher's wife. And I said well, I'm not married but I can play the piano. So you know, I sang a few songs and then I preached my message, said goodbye to everybody and the old man met me at the door when I was about to go out and he said you did real good. I said thank you and he said can you come back next week? I said yeah, I'd be happy to. Then he pauses and he says do you think you can find a singer In the kingdom of heaven? That was a pivotal Sunday, because was Robert the piano player, was he the singer or was he the preacher? And the old man helped me discover my role I was the preacher.
Mandy Majors:I was just getting ready to say what if he said can you bring back a preacher next time?
Kim Elerick:I'd be leading worship right now Could have been a whole other life experience.
Robert Emmitt:That kind of started when I was a junior, you know, started pastoring full time in September, october and was a little country church, rural church, small-town church in Navasota, bigger church in Weatherford, finished up seminary, came to San Antonio, started Thousand Oaks Baptist Church, stayed there five years, started churches from it. It grew, the Lord blessed. Then we went to the mission field for a year and then we came back and on the mission field I had said one night just listening to Hosanna Praise tapes Back then they were cassette tapes. I'd never heard of them and I asked one of the other missionaries I said what's that? He said it was the Give Thanks album and I said listen to it. And I went home and listened to it. I mean I just started crying. I said Lord, if I ever pastor again, I'd love to have this kind of music. And then that just kind of prompted me. I started writing down if I ever pastor again you know this is where we meet, how we do it ushers, greeters, people, church, baptism. I just everything I'd, you know, learned over 13 years of pastoring. The good stuff I kept in, the bad stuff kind of wrote that out.
Robert Emmitt:And anyway we got home in I guess March or April, and then started Community Bible Church in May of 1990 on a Sunday night and you know we had 100 people show up, a lot of them that I'd known, that I'd pastored while I was there before, and then we started there and then met in a movie theater and then got a shopping center and a bigger shopping center moved out to 1604. I mean, the Lord just kept blessing it. I'm a left-handed Aggie, so you know it's never going to be complicated. But I never dreamed I'd be a preacher period and I certainly never wanted to pastor a large church and I had preached that quite a bit. When we were, you know, three or four or five or 600 people, I said I'll never pastor a mega church. And then when we grew to 10, 15, 20,000, they all like joke and say hey I thought you were never going to pastor a mega church.
Robert Emmitt:I said I don't. I pastor pastors and they pastor the mega church.
Kim Elerick:You never say never.
Robert Emmitt:But now, now, 40 years later, I'm up here in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado living my original dream.
Kim Elerick:Ah, full circle moment, that's so cool.
Robert Emmitt:We've got. Julie and I got married young, had three kids. Her background and mine were worlds apart. Mine was, as she put it, I was raised in the Beaver Cleaver family and she said the only thing is, your mom didn't vacuum with pearls around her neck. She was raised in a little more challenging situation, went through some of the challenges of broken families and things like that, but we met and fell in love really fast and got married like 10 months after we met. So we've been happily married. We're celebrating 45 years tomorrow going on a nice cruise. Just the two of us, but three kids 42, 40, 35. The oldest is a preacher, the middle one's a schoolteacher and a pastor's wife, and then the youngest is a firefighter up here in Fort Collins. So we've got seven grandkids ranging in the age from 16 to 6. And we moved up to Colorado to watch grandbaby number 7 grow up in the last five years.
Robert Emmitt:If any of you have a parent or grandparent, you'll love this and you'll probably clip it and make this the only piece. But if you've got a grandparent, if you're a grandparent, make sure you live in the same city as a preschool grandchild. It will change your life. First of all, you're free babysitting for your kids. But second, everything is brand new. I mean, you'll spend two hours catching grasshoppers and butterflies and everything's just oh. From the eyes of a two and three and four-year-old, it's been the best, most fun five years I've ever had in my life.
Mandy Majors:That's amazing.
Robert Emmitt:That's a long version, but that's kind of the thumbnail version of it. But love life, love Julie, great kids. Our marriage never had a bad day. We've had a few tense conversations but no one ever stormed out of the door, the house or the room or none of that. We always made sure, because the Bible says don't go to bed angry. So anytime we had a disagreement at night we just hugged and kissed and said we'll talk about it again tomorrow. Ok, I love you. Love you, that was it and we did. You know you talk every day. You hardly ever raise your voice, so you just have conversations.
Kim Elerick:I love the way you tell your life story because it's the same way that you preach and that's what really. It's just you're such a wonderful storyteller.
Robert Emmitt:Yeah.
Kim Elerick:Yeah.
Robert Emmitt:Well, but it's just going to get up and walk out, if I stop and take a breath.
Kim Elerick:It's just relatable and it just makes you feel like this warm feeling of getting to know someone who's genuine loves the Lord, loves his family, and I think all of us want more of that. We want those types of relationships. So it's just. It takes me back to when we found you in San Antonio at CBC and my husband said we found our church, and he just said he is like who I want to be, you know, and so we have just loved raising our kids at the church and getting to be ministered over by you and your family. Julie held our baby in the hospital and you just have a wonderful family that has blessed us so greatly. So it's such an honor to have you on our show today.
Robert Emmitt:Well, it's been fun. You know, I was a single country pastor and I'd preach on, you know, parenting and all that. Everybody laughed oh, you'll change that when you have children. And how can I change it? This is what the Bible says don't provoke your children to anger. And you know showing the path and all. And we had kids and I started practicing what I'd been preaching, and I mean the word of God works. If you just I always say trust Jesus, read the New Testament, do what it says, it'll change your life. And you go, wow, this is not nearly as complicated as we make it if we just do the simple stuff and the basic stuff all the time.
Mandy Majors:That's so true. That's so true, robert. A couple of things. One is I've always loved your humility. I mean you are, you are a powerhouse, and to hear you tell your story, you're just a left-handed Aggie walking through a door of obedience every day and honestly, that's all of us in Jesus, right, and we all have the whole, the same amount of the Holy Spirit if we're just willing to be obedient. And that's why I love your story. You just were obedient and God was showing you things and God used you mightily, um, and it's still using you.
Mandy Majors:And the second point that I was going to say is when you said you know the Bible has the word of God. I think so many times today, you know, at next talk, parents get overwhelmed with oh my gosh, we have technology and now they're exposed to that. And it's true. I mean, the world is changing, but the word of God is not. And it is still the solution to keep our kids safe. That Deuteronomy 6, 6, and 7, you know, talk to your kids, create a culture of conversation in your home, talk to them on the go, at home, getting up and going to bed, and that is a solution, no matter how much the world changes and that's why your parenting wisdom. Here I mean, you've got so much that I want to dive into today.
Robert Emmitt:You know this and to the audience. This morning I woke up and I had done a spoken to parents and teenagers and all that. And I woke up out of sheets of the one liners, bullet points for parenting and all, and I thought I got stacks of notebooks. I'll never find that. And I just started. I said, lord, if you're in this or you want me to find them, then let me find them. And I started with big, thick notebook and I just started scrolling and I thought I'm never going to find it. And I started from the back and boom, there was my one pager right there. Oh look, I found the extended version there and I reread them and I thought, wow, this stuff, it still works.
Robert Emmitt:You know, identify your children's talk time and make the most of that moment, whether it's going to school or home or bedtime or lunch, whatever, just common sense stuff. And you know, if you read it, like I was telling Mandy, I said I just we read the parenting books of our day, which you know we're 35 and 40 years old now, but you know I'd read them and highlight them. And then I just make the little bullet points. You know, because you know for me it's don't tell me why I have to do it. Just tell me what I'm supposed to do and I'll do it. And for some of you you're highly educated so you want to know why you have to do it. But I'm nice and simple. So I just say, lord, what am I supposed to do? I'll do it and that's it. But I mean, and you've got books today and you're writing them and there's others that are writing them A whole different culture for me.
Robert Emmitt:I tell my kids boy, I'm sure glad y'all are grown up, I just get to play with my grandkids and don't have to mess with all the stuff they have to deal with. It's the fruit of all your hard work is you get this sweet season with your grandkids. Oh man, when you play with those grandkids for the first time for a weekend and hand them back, whoo, my daughter-in-law was so awesome because you know we handed ours off to our grandparent, my in-laws and you know here's when they go to bed and what they candy-candied and all that. And when Victoria brought Elise, candy candied and all that. And when victoria brought elise over here for a weekend, uh, I said okay, what are the rules? And she's a dietician and just, you know very organized and I'm thinking I'm gonna have two or three sheets of you know rules when she goes to bed. What use and all of that. She said just two rules. I said two. She goes. Yeah, make sure she's safe and loved. I can fix everything else.
Kim Elerick:I love that I did too, I said we'll keep her anytime. I guarantee you she'll be safe and loved.
Robert Emmitt:I can fix everything else. I love that I did too. I said we'll keep her anytime. I guarantee you she'll be safe and loved, but we'll have a fun time doing it.
Mandy Majors:That's a good little sample of how to be a good daughter-in-law right there, yes.
Kim Elerick:Take notes my in-laws.
Robert Emmitt:they said you know, when y'all gave us those rules, as soon as you pass the kids off, we wadded them up and threw them in the back of the car. That's what grandparents have done since the beginning of time, so true.
Mandy Majors:That's true, that's true. I've always said to my parents like I want you to spoil your grandkids and do all the things like have all the fun with them, you know, and I always reiterate that to them, like I'm not trying to take anything away when I say please don't let them be on YouTube or whatever. I don't want that. I want you making memories, you know, and spoil them, use all that time.
Robert Emmitt:Especially with the preschoolers, you know, because everything's new to them Trees and leaves and climbing and pulling weeds and planting seeds and catching crawfish it's kind of like, you know, we don't do that. You know we don't do that. You know, occasionally she'll watch her little Disney shows or whatever, but most of the time and Julie, you know she's. I always tell people if you want Julie to speak, she'll freeze up on you as soon as she starts. But if you give her a room full of 500 preschoolers, she will have them laughing and playing games and having a wonderful time in 10 minutes.
Kim Elerick:She has a gift for sure.
Robert Emmitt:And like our house. I mean it's kind of like Disneyland for my granddaughter. Every time she walked through the front door, every room's a playroom and every piece of furniture, everything is a creative device or a toy for a play or something. It's just, it's wonderful.
Mandy Majors:Amazing place for grandkids for their creative outlets.
Robert Emmitt:Now your listeners are going golly. I wish we were there now. We were in the trenches where you are a few years ago. So hang in there. I'm telling you there's light at the end of the tunnel and it's wonderful, you're in the promised land, robert, you're in the promised land. We are over here suffering.
Mandy Majors:We are looking for our daily manna.
Kim Elerick:Like where is the milk and honey flowing? Where is it?
Mandy Majors:All right. So if you guys start to listen to this show, you're going to hear so many examples of things we've shared on the podcast before. That comes straight from Robert Emmett, from his sermons that we always say. One of the things we say all the time, Robert, is your kite example. We use that all the time. I wrote about it in my book. I explain it to our listeners because it's so good and you say it way better than I can say it.
Robert Emmitt:Raising your children is like flying a kite. You know, you got the kite, you put it all together that's birth and things. You tie your string on there and and then you go out and you let the kite out into the wind, because your job as a kite flyer is to get the kite up in the air. Your children, your job isn't to hover and just keep them around all the time. Your job is to let them go further and further out. And so you're just doing the string thing. The kite's going higher and higher and you're having a great time. They're having a great time. That's the way it should be. But then the winds change or something happens and the kite starts kind of looping or diving or whatever. When that happens, you reel it in as fast as you can and then you start all over again and eventually your children you know they're going to screw up and mess up and do things and start doing loops and all it's like when they're teenagers. You know, hey, congratulations, you're 16, you're driving, you can stay out till midnight. Then they come in at one o'clock. You reel them in right back to hey, we're starting at 10 o'clock next week, what? Yeah, you know you went crazy. So you're reeling you back in and then you start all over.
Robert Emmitt:Eventually they're way above the clouds. You don't even see them anymore. They graduate, they go away. You're them anymore, they graduate, they go away and you're having a great time. After the big college cry. Then you're saying you know, this empty nest thing isn't so bad. But your children are still out there and you still feel the tug once in a while, maybe a call or a text, or I got to come home or something. But you'll always be in touch with them. But children are like kites. Our job is to let them out, get them up as high as they can go in their direction. When they mess up, we bring them back down, start all over again, but eventually they're gone and they have their kids and they start the process.
Kim Elerick:I can't imagine how many of us parents who were kind of raised by your preaching have told that story to our spouse and to our kids, like all my kids know the kite story. We use it all the time and we've told it to our listeners, like Mandy said so many times, because it's such a great analogy. It really makes it come alive, like what our role is in the season of life as parents, young parents and parents with teens and then adults. It's like we've got to let them go. We got to get them above the clouds.
Robert Emmitt:That's something Mandy and I were talking about a few weeks ago. We were talking on the phone and she said what's the thing you said about zero to 12 or whatever? And I said, yeah, a parent in a child's life, when your kids are zero to 11, you're the authority in their life. You say, you say do it, and they do it. You know they don't. If they're running out in the street, you say stop and they just stop. They don't say why or no, I don't have to stop. I mean you're the authority, you're the ultimate, you're bigger, you're stronger, and they know that, and you know that. Then, when your child turns 12, then from 12 to 17, you become an advisor in their life, because now they got other friends, they're looking for acceptance from others. Mom and dad, I know y'all love me, but you know they want to be accepted by others. So they start, you know, move like the kite, they start flying up Human beings worldwide. We're all natural, we're all on the same thing. And when we hit 12 to 15, 16, there's that pulling away from mom and dad and we're going on our own.
Robert Emmitt:Children. Teenagers get it. Parents, don't Children. They naturally transition from mom and dad or everything.
Robert Emmitt:Whatever they say goes to hey, there's other opinions out there and there's other ideas and music and teachers and leaders and friends and all of that stuff. And that's the point for a parent. I tell them you're an advisor, your child is a teenager now. They're driving, they're school, they're making decisions. And when you say because I said so, that's why you tell them to do something, do this, why? Because I said so, that's why. And when you hear yourself say because I said so, that's why that's when I want you to remember this podcast. Because when you say because I said so, that's why you just reached the lowest common denominator of a parent, that's bottom. They don't do it because you say so. They do it because you say you know what Glad you asked that question. Here's why, and here are the things that can happen when you do this or when you don't do that.
Robert Emmitt:You know you're a teenager, you're making the decision. I'm your advisor, so I'll tell you this. I know from experience will happen or won't happen. And you know you're going to make some mistakes and when they do, you let them.
Robert Emmitt:But parents of teens, you got to see yourself as the advisor and I've had more parents than I can count when I preach that and they say, well, I'm still the authority, yeah, you are, you're paying the bills at your house, at your insurance and all that. But if you're pulling the authority card, then you haven't transitioned to the advisor yet, you know. And when your kids mess up, okay, the authority, you know you, you can stay out till 12 and then you're coming back to 10. That's that, you know, kind of thing. But then when your kids turn 18, 18 and beyond, you're a friend. You know, if you haven't gotten the right stuff in their mind by 18, it's not going to happen. So that's why you start them really young, train up a child in the way they should go.
Robert Emmitt:When they're older they won't depart from it. You know, we all have our moments getting away from things, but eventually we realize, man, what mom and dad said, they're right, and they come back to it and then they begin to live it themselves. But, parents, if you're listening, if you've got little children, you're the authority, right and wrong. Do this, don't do that. Here's why, teenagers, this is what I would do If I were you. I'd date this person or not date them or hang around these friends. You might think about changing friends because these are getting you in trouble, but it's your decision and you support them in their decision. And then when they're 18, that's a fun state. That's when they come in. You don't have to correct them, you don't have to change anything. You just love them and share life with them.
Kim Elerick:I just have to say here really quick, that was one of my favorite sermons when you know, years ago when I heard it. But you had one more stage in there that has really ministered to my mom, Like once your kids become parents themselves.
Robert Emmitt:Oh, yeah, that's the, that's kind of walking with them, and that's the.
Kim Elerick:Like supporting stage. I want to say it was something like that.
Robert Emmitt:And that's why I say you know, with the grandparents, man, live next to your grandkids. If you can, if you're still working you can, I get it. But if you can be close to your kids or parents raising kids, if you're doing this job in this state, but you could do the exact same thing in the city where your parents are, I'd switch and go over there Because, again, free babysitting, but your parents, the grandparents, they'll speak wisdom into your children, just naturally, and then eventually the kids start asking grandma or grandpa, what was it like when you did this or that and all of that? What was it like when the phones were on the wall and connected? Oh, that was a long time ago it is.
Kim Elerick:It's such a precious thing to have wisdom poured into our kids from their grandparents, and for us as parents, for the grandparents not to you know, try and dictate this is how you should parent, but to be there and support and be as available as they can as we're going through the hard part of parenting is such a gift.
Robert Emmitt:And tell your parents, or you parents tell your parents, the grandparents, that you know please don't say back in the day. Every time you say back in the day we just go. You know, out of touch. Just speak naturally from the heart. You know, deal from the heart and the wisdom and God's word. And you know one of the things I teach a lot is the final decision maker is what does God say I should or shouldn't do? And if you'll do that, I mean, then you follow the Lord of the universe. He wrote the rules and if we'll abide by them, you know we stay on the tracks and life goes really smooth. Them, you know, we stay on the tracks and life goes really smooth.
Robert Emmitt:But grandparents, you know, and hopefully you got great kids and sometimes you got a lot of grandparents raising their grandkids. Now that's a toughie. We have some friends doing that. It's kind of like Julie and I. Just I would hate to be raising a child right now at 67, you know, and going to every little PTA meeting and all that stuff. So but if you're a grandparent, you're watching. If you are that one raising your kids, you don't have the energy to keep up with the grands. But find somebody that does a coach, a team, a teacher programs at church. There's somebody out there that you can say, look, I need some help, and they will be glad to help you.
Mandy Majors:We are made for community. That's how God made us. I. We are made for community, god, that's how God made us. I love going back to that switch to the advisor, to authority, to advisor. I think most parents miss that, robert I think most and we get stuck there and even when they're 40 and they're parenting their own kids, we're still trying to be the authority. Yes, I mean, we see that. I think that's what Kim was trying to say too. Instead of, you know, not being in the supportive role, and I think that's a key thing that I got from you over the years was to let your kids grow up, because I do think there's this tendency to bubble wrap and smother and helicopter and that's just going to create tension and lies. Your kids are going to sneak behind your back, and all of that because we can't let go.
Robert Emmitt:Yeah, and when we got married, my father-in-law and he's wonderful and he lives right downstairs now he's 89, been living with us for six or seven years since his wife passed away. But when we got married he told me he said called me, brother Rob. He said Brother Rob, unasked for advice is interference. If you want my opinion, ask for it, otherwise I'll keep it to myself.
Kim Elerick:Oh, wow.
Robert Emmitt:Wow, that's awesome. You know so when you say that, well, what's your opinion here? What do you think about this? And you know he always had a story or word of wisdom to go with it. But I've quoted that a million times. Unasked for advice is interference. And if the grandparents are listening to this, say that to your kids. Hey, you know what. You're way past me telling you what to do. So if you want my opinion, ask for it. If not, we'll just keep it to ourselves. It goes so much smoother.
Mandy Majors:Man. I love that so much and I think too, when you said, even during those teen years, when they're still living with you. I loved how you approach that, not dictating you can't be friends with this people or you can't do this or you can't date that person, but say these are my fears about this. I don't know that that's a wise decision because of this, this and this or that, that, that, but it's your decision. Yeah, giving them that responsibility to advocate for themselves and then be responsible for the consequences.
Robert Emmitt:I think is very important. Oh, it's one of my boys never had trouble with Heather. But the boys, you know, they're wanting to go to parties and do stuff. And I said, you know, when you go to the parties, here's what it's going to be like. There's going to be a group out in the front yard and they'll be fun and laughing and just talking. Then there's the entryway, then there's the den, Then there's the back porch and back porch is where the kegs are and in the back corner that's where the pot smokers are. And I said it's going to be that way. I said it's like that everywhere. I said you know, that's up to you. If you want to go to the back back corner, you know, good luck. Those are the guys that get arrested and spend a few nights in jail. But I said, and the guys at the keg, they're the ones that you know get in trouble too. But I said, once it starts getting beyond where you think you should be, I said you can come home, you ought to. I said, but it's your decision.
Robert Emmitt:And it was my oldest one, christopher. You know, first time he went to one of those parties he came back and said wow, you were right. I said about what he said. Well, you know, it's kind of like it gets progressively worse the further you go into the house in the backyard. And now Chris is a preacher. He's just never been the back porch or the back corner.
Robert Emmitt:He was just kind of Observing, compliant firstborn, and just said you know you get in trouble doing that, so why would I even want to mess with it? So, but it's a fun journey. But you tell them what's going to happen and then you even sometimes said you know, no, I'm sure it's not going to happen. If you ever get arrested for doing something stupid, you'll be spending the night in jail and we'll figure it out the next day. Really, that's what we do. You screwed up. I'm not going to get up at three in the morning to come bail you out of your mistake. I mean, they knew I was serious. Never had to do it, thankfully, but it's one of those. Look, just want you to know. This is the way this is going to happen if it goes this way. Okay.
Mandy Majors:I think sometimes, though, as parents, we just think, well, if we forbid it and don't let them go to the party, then we're protecting them, but I think that's Satan, because they need to see and experience and understand, like, what life choices are Like. They need to see that and experience it.
Robert Emmitt:One of my illustrations on that one is the controlling fundamental parent that's hanging on to their child and you're just holding them and holding them, and holding them, and holding them, and sooner or later they're going to join the military or go to college. And boy, when you let that arrow go, we had just everything that you forbade for 18 years. Suddenly they're out, you know to the extreme, saying what's wrong with this and this and this. So it's kind of like inoculations and all that. You know you get a little dose so that you get the buildup. Oh gosh.
Kim Elerick:I'm losing my mind.
Robert Emmitt:Antibodies but as a parent you're not supposed to keep them out of the world. You know we're not. If we're going to be monks, jesus would have said you know, live alone on 50 acres and never associate. But we're with people. I mean Jesus's ministry. I mean he had prostitutes and demon possessed and all kinds of people. He didn't shelter his disciples from it. He showed them how to deal with it With our kids. You know, if you think you're going to keep them from everything bad in the world, sooner or later it goes away and they just take off and find out why you were so against everything that they wanted to do.
Kim Elerick:That is so true. And then you have the other side, the parents who bail their kids out of everything. What do you have to say about that?
Robert Emmitt:They shouldn't. I mean, the Bible says every man will give an account of his own life to the Lord. And really that starts as a teenager, when they're making their own decisions. You're the advisor. You know your career choices, friend choices, morality habits, all that stuff. Here's your career choices, friend choices, morality habits, all that stuff. But you know when they make a decision, you know it's the wrong one. You just say you know that's not what I would do, but that's your choice. So you know I'll support you in your decision. Don't agree with it, but I support you. And when they crash and burn, will you help me? Well, I'll help you understand that you have to clean up your own mess, you know, and we'll be here when it's cleaned up.
Robert Emmitt:But I mean people have to eventually have to pay for your own sins and crimes. And that starts with parenthood. I mean the first authority in our lives, mom and dad, is why was it the fifth commandment honor your mother and father, you know. And then it's the preacher, the teacher, the coach, the judge. It just works there. But if parents are always, you know, there's the preacher, the teacher, the coach, the judge. It just works there. But if parents are always, you know, my daughter is a teacher and Julie was a teacher. My mother was a teacher, my grandmother was a teacher, so I always sided with the teachers. If ever they said our kids were doing something wrong, you know they paid the price for it.
Robert Emmitt:We got to let them reap what they sow right, so they learn the lesson our youngest son, the most like me, probably in the wild and crazy and uh, he's not listening.
Mandy Majors:He doesn't listen but now he's a firefighter saving lives.
Robert Emmitt:Yes, oh that's, that's fitting, that's uh. And he says, man, there's a lot of stupid people out there. I said yeah there are.
Mandy Majors:Do you want to say? We used to be one son? We were one of those people.
Robert Emmitt:He was at San Antonio, christian and a buddy of his brought his dad's Corvette to school one day and after school Jonathan said can I drive it? And he said sure, and he takes it from zero to about 90, you know, in that long driveway behind him, oh my gosh, and he's a great driver, and still is he.
Robert Emmitt:You know that long driveway behind, oh my gosh. And he's a great driver and still is he. You know, drives fire trucks. He was driving hot rods when he was young and now he's driving fire trucks. But I mean, I was on the speed dial for the principal at the school every time he'd call hey, hey, we've got jonathan here. What's wrong now? Well, going a little too fast in the parking lot. How fast was he going? Well, it's probably or 100, and then he did the loops and I said, oh, he said so. He's not going to be able to drive a vehicle on the premises, you know, for 30 days. I said okay, and then Julie takes him to school.
Robert Emmitt:She says, man, this is a punishment on me more than it is him. I got to get up and pick him up, but he learned it. But as one of those, you know, what do you do now? He did this. All right, do what you got to do. And you know I paid for my mistakes. My mother gave the principle of just carte blanche. You know, spank him as often as you need to, oh gosh. Back when they abused us as students. Right Now they have a reason with us. Back then it was so easy Bend over three swats and we're done.
Mandy Majors:I remember the paddle. I remember kids in my elementary school being paddled.
Kim Elerick:Oh really.
Mandy Majors:Oh yeah.
Kim Elerick:Mine too, For real.
Robert Emmitt:I got messed up on a Friday, sneaking into a volleyball game and coach caught me and went to the principal. He said three licks or three days. I said I'll take the three licks and he said I need your parents' permission. He called my mom. She wasn't there. He called, she wasn't there and he said she's not answering. I said man, mr Thomas, can we just do this and get it over with? I don't want to be waiting around until next Monday. So I sat there about 30 or 45 minutes. Finally she picked up the phone and, miss Emmett, we have Robert here. What happened? Well, he was breaking into a volleyball game, didn't buy a 25-cent ticket because it's more exciting to break in than pay a quarter for a ticket, and he's chosen the three licks. Just need your permission. You know she's from South Carolina and she goes. By all means. You give him whatever he needs.
Mandy Majors:Appreciate the mom. I can hear your mom saying that. I can hear it. Missy, by all means, you give him what he needs.
Kim Elerick:Those were the days.
Robert Emmitt:Those were the days there was no time out, there was no spend a day. Where is my daughter and her schools now? You're suspended, but they don't send you home.
Kim Elerick:So you're in school? Suspension.
Robert Emmitt:Yeah, it takes a whole day. If we could just, you know, get the pain. Pain's a great motivator. When something hurts, you generally change your behavior. You know whether it's a broken legs or anything else. But now we reason with them and think about what you did. Look, you did the wrong thing, pal. Remember that I will, like I told the church I said I was never spanked twice for the same crime. So I had quite a few spankings, but never for the same thing twice.
Mandy Majors:I want to, I want to ask you, I want to ask you. Okay, so when your youngest you got that call from his Christian school that he was going 90 miles an hour in the parking lot doing donuts, walk me through what that conversation with him looked like that night. That's what I'm interested to know.
Robert Emmitt:Yes, Well, first of all, I knew the dad and I knew his son and I knew the car, the Corvette. It was the brand. I think it was the first year it was a C7 or C6, but it was back when they were new. It's hard, impossible for me to be critical of his high-speed driving with my record. But we sat down and I said, was it fun? He says, oh, pops, you have no idea, I do. I just never did it on the school premises. But I said we just laughed about it and I said, well, it's a stupid thing to do, so you know. I said I'm guessing, I don't need to tell you. You need to not do it again. He said, no, sir, I got the message and he was like I think he was 17 or 18. It was his senior year in high school.
Mandy Majors:I think that's really important, robert, your response there, because I think a lot of parents would be like especially you at that time, leading a growing big church. You could have said this makes our family look bad, this makes our church look bad. You could have shamed him, you could have, it could have been this very big shameful thing that you did and instead you met him in the moment and made him realize this was not a good choice and I know it was fun, but it was not a good choice. And I think sometimes we get that all wrong because we're worried about what people will think of us and our family and we overreact and it's just not a good, healthy thing to build with your kids in that.
Robert Emmitt:And it's preachers have it worse than most because you know you're supposed to be perfect and everything. And I always told my kids I said you get to be absolutely normal. I said you can play Nintendos and hang out with your kids. I don't expect you to be perfect. I said if you don't want to answer every question in Sunday school class, you don't have to. I said because you know the teacher says who did this or that Silence, and they always looked to the preacher's kid, chris John Heather. You know they feel obligated answer. I said you don't have to, I don't care.
Robert Emmitt:And but he was, his punishment was enough to no drive. And then he had to write a letter of apology to the guard that's at the front gate there. I'm dear Mr So-and-so, I'm so sorry for speeding under your watch. It was wrong, it was foolish. I mean he wrote a heartfelt apology. It's one of those you know, and for me it's easy. I mean I made enough dumb mistakes myself so it was always tough to pick on my kids for doing something that I did too. So you know, I just I get it. You know, pay your price, you pay your penalty and let's move on. And we did.
Mandy Majors:I just think that's so wise, and often parents can't move on because they start feeling like a failure or oh my gosh, I can't make this decision. I'm like kids. They're going to do stupid stuff. I did stupid stuff. Deal with it, move on and don't hurt your relationship over it, right I?
Robert Emmitt:mean Jonathan, of course he loves. Even now he'll throw it up to me Occasionally. He has as crazy as stuff as he's done. He's never had a speeding ticket. I mean he has. He could have had, you know, three speeding tickets for the speeds he was going but just never got caught and he says, pops, I've never had a speeding ticket, have you.
Mandy Majors:Not in four years.
Robert Emmitt:I'm four years clean, so I'm good you're doing bet colorado is good on you, robert. Yeah, my last one. Actually, I got two the first year we were up here. One was wyoming and the other was up in the mountains. So I'm like, oh got. You know, use the cruise control. If I'm going on the highway, push the cruise control and leave it alone.
Kim Elerick:Yes, I think you this, you know, speaks to what Mandy was saying too is sometimes, as parents, we don't want our kids to know our past discretions, because we think, well, if we say that we did this thing, then we're saying to them it's okay for them to do it Versus, I'm a broken person too. I'm a messed up human too. I've done all the things and that's why I can tell you why it's good or why it's bad.
Robert Emmitt:And it's the presentation of your life story. It's the way you're presented. If you present it as bragging and proud and look what I did, then they want to live up to mom or dad's. Hey, she did it and I can do it too. But if you say this is one of the dumbest mistakes I ever made in my life and this is how much it cost me, you know a career move, a change, you know $500, you know whatever. And that cost me so much. I never did it again. So you always put the I screwed up, but I paid the price. You know you will too. But my advice is don't screw up and you'll find an easier way through life.
Mandy Majors:So good, that's so good. Another thing that has stuck in my head over the years that you and I've heard Julie say this to you, when she came and spoke to our Mothers of Preschoolers group when we were younger which, by the way, that group is where we all met. At Next Talk, our family met at the Mothers of Preschoolers and Community Bible Church in San Antonio.
Robert Emmitt:I loved our moms.
Mandy Majors:God was doing a work there, Sweet Martha Fisher. Every time I would go to her and be like this happened. I need help.
Robert Emmitt:Vicki Rush was a big mentor and all that stuff. It was wonderful.
Mandy Majors:I remember when my daughter was first exposed to pornography and I had no idea what to do and I went to Martha and she said exactly what you said in the first of the things. She said start a group and just walk through every door that God opens for you. And that's what we've done. I mean, that's why Next Talk exists is because that advice that Martha gave me in her office that day, which comes straight from your leadership, about just walking through every door of obedience, Well, you know, we all make mistakes as well.
Robert Emmitt:Jesus died for us. But once you accept it, and then you, you know, in a lot of people Jesus is their Savior but he's not their Lord. Yet you all have heard my story. I was saved at 11. I was guilty of at least 30% of the Ten Commandments, you know, stealing and disrespectful authority in school and beating people up, and the Lord saved my soul. So I saved at 11, no doubt about it. And then 15 is when I started reading the New Testament.
Robert Emmitt:My grandmother had passed away and my mother was with her and she said I read her the Sermon on the Mount the day that she died. It was on an Easter Sunday. And I said what's the Sermon on the Mount? She said do you know the Sermon on the Mount? She said do you know the Sermon on the Mount? My mom grew up Presbyterian, so she's very. She said do you know the Sermon on the Mount? I said no, ma'am. And she says Matthew 5, 6, and 7.
Robert Emmitt:So I got my Bible, the King James Bible. I mean if I could understand the King James, god is in it. I read the 5, 6, and 7, and I to five, six and seven and I thought, wow, this is some really good stuff. You know how to treat people and not judge people and promises. And all of that Went back and read all of Matthew and for the first time in my 15 years going to Sunday school all the time first time all the bits and pieces fit together in one biography and I thought, man, that's when I started reading the Bible at 15, but I didn't really start living it until 19, after that summer. And then that's when I said, lord, if I can understand it, I'll put it into practice.
Robert Emmitt:You know, I used to highlight especially the letters of Paul. I never liked his first few chapters, but I always loved his last few chapters. You know, the first few it's theology, heavy stuff. I just man this guy's deep. The last part is here's how you treat your friends, here's how a husband is a wife is, here's how you raise your kids, here's how you forgive each other. This is what you should do and what you shouldn't do.
Robert Emmitt:And I'm just, you know, used to go through the list and say yep, yep, yep. I said, look, trusting Jesus is easy. But you got to read the instructions and I got in our church up here they give away these little. It's called the Life and Teachings of Jesus of Nazareth and it's just pure gospel stuff. But the guy wrote it. It just tells you everything in chronological order, about Jesus and it's that thin. And I tell people today, like I always have I said you know, you go to school and you get a literature book that's that thick. The Lord of the Universe gives you a book that thick and I mean how do we dare say I didn't have time to read it? Just pick it up, take 30 minutes and read it and then do it, highlight the instructions and put them into practice.
Kim Elerick:It'll change your life. It's like you said, if you read his word and you do it. I mean we overcomplicate it. It's very simple. It's very simple and straightforward. It's the instructions for life and we just put all these extra things in there and overthink it and you are a living example of read the word and do it and you'll see the fruit.
Robert Emmitt:I love. I forget which proverb it is, but it's the one that says people ruin their lives by their own foolish decisions, and then they get angry at God. So good, there's a loving God out there. Why is this happening in that? Well, let's back up to the beginning of the decision. Let's see where we went south on this one.
Mandy Majors:That's a good teachable moment for a teenager right there too, as they're. You know what I mean. We're messing it up and then we're blaming.
Robert Emmitt:God, the Bible, says if you know what it says, tell me where it says to do that or not. Do that Our kids. We always read a proverb a day. 31 chapters Proverbs to me is just that easiest book. Any kid can pick it up, read it. Find one verse in there that goes, wow, that makes sense. And then you say, lord, help me do that today. You know you get into the big books and they're kind of halfway into the story and all that. But God gave us Solomon to write and just said look, here are the facts of life. You know he covers everything and you go through those. You know, every month for 18 years, pretty soon. You know you may not know the chapter of the verse, but you know the wisdom and you practice it.
Mandy Majors:We've been doing it for years and now I like group text him hey, we're on Proverbs, this or whatever today. You know, normally it's just the date. But if we're behind or whatever, and then discuss it for 10 minutes at dinner while we're talking, you know what I mean, because everybody's read it on their own and then we talk about it. It's so easy to bring God into the conversations. These days.
Robert Emmitt:We always show people because they talk about Bible studies with your children and all, and they say, oh, I guess you all have Bible studies. And I said, no, we never did the Bible study. We did the Bible stories at night when they were little kids. We'd read the story, I'd ask the questions and give them a grade on it. Once they hit elementary school and middle and high school, I said we never had an official Bible study. We just sat down at breakfast and what'd you get out of Proverbs 16 today? This or that, or I didn't read it.
Robert Emmitt:Okay, you know, but you just speak it like the Bible says as you go. You know there was never the official sit down. Open the family Bible and there's three lessons. You know, when you're a preacher's kid, you know anywhere from Wednesday to Sunday, you get the guy's message, no matter what. You know anytime. How are you doing today? Great, let me go through this. No, I'm good. I'm good, it'll be fine. We just spoke it and lived it. And. But we just spoke it and lived it and it worked out. I mean, all three of them have never walked away from their faith. They're all active in their churches, so it works.
Mandy Majors:It works. One thing that you and Julie always used to say, and it has stuck with me over the years, is say yes more than you say no to your kids.
Robert Emmitt:Yes, absolutely, you'll see it in the notes. I got that from Zig Ziglar and his parenting book. He said you should have four compliments for every correction.
Kim Elerick:Yes, I saw that. Such good advice.
Robert Emmitt:You do this and this and this really well, but this area needs a little improvement. Ok, but you know, because most of us naturally just everything wrong. We point out the wrong, what we think Well, if I pat them on the back they'll get overconfident. No, they don't. They just need to know I'm on the right track. Great job, proud of you, happy for you, love you. You've done awesome. Well, I didn't make the team, no, but you tried. You gave it your best, Yep, more than that, and, just like I said, but that's, that's a zigzaglarism you have four compliments for every correction.
Mandy Majors:You've got to catch them doing amazing things, little things, and praise them so much, because it really does build their confidence and you're empowering them and encouraging them.
Robert Emmitt:I do that, my grandson I got. Half our grandkids are high schoolers now, so they're 16 and big and grown and doing their own. Anytime they do something great, you know I text them. Hey, daniel, so proud of you. Hey, caleb man, that's awesome. Glad to do that. Hope you get the job and all this. Love you. I'm proud of you. I'm glad I'm your granddad and then I get a thanks pop, and so at least you get a thanks pops, he said I get a thumbs up or a okay, okay, yeah okay thank you if you're
Robert Emmitt:getting thanks pops. That's a, that's a big.
Kim Elerick:It is. That's a paragraph for them.
Mandy Majors:So, before we end this parenting awesome show, which I feel like we could just go on and on for hours, you have so much wisdom. Any other little nugget you want to share with us that you're like? I just want everybody to know this, or something that's on your heart to share.
Robert Emmitt:Yes, I forget. Oh, I remember who it was. He's an evangelist that was with us years ago. Big old guy played pro football but did prison ministries and he was part of that original not before the fellowship, the prison fellowship. This guy was doing prison ministry but he said guys in prison never hear what I'm about to tell you. And he said I hope you will say it to your children and your grandchildren and anybody else it applies to. And it was I love you, I'm proud of you and I'm glad I'm your father. And we did that with our kids. And when they start finishing it for you, when you say, heather, I love you, I know and you're proud of me and you're you're glad, that's right. And then she does the same thing to her kids I love you, I'm proud of you, I'm glad I'm your mom, I'm glad I'm your dad. So that's that acceptance I love you, I'm proud of you and I'm glad I'm your mom or your dad or your brother or sister or your friend or whatever it might be.
Kim Elerick:Amazing, Simple but powerful.
Robert Emmitt:It goes back to Genesis, I guess Genesis 49 or 50, when it was a Jacob's pronouncing his blessings on his children. You know, and even some of the blessings weren't really blessings. When you look like Adam you go oh, that's a wild jackass of a man. You're going to have trouble everywhere you go. God bless you. Thanks, pops, I appreciate it. Thanks, pops, I appreciate you know you just bless your children while they're young and you can never say I love you, I'm proud of you and I'm glad I'm here, you're my son or whatever you can. They never hear it enough and even when they're quoting it for you, it just. You know. Ask yourself if somebody who really knows me says I love you, I'm proud of you, I'm glad you're my friend, it just. I mean you're talking about positive in the beginning of this, this talk. It's just look for the good in people to magnify it, speak to it.
Mandy Majors:You always were so good at that. You always saw the positive in people that always came out in your sermons, how positive you were, and then you could see that it would translate into your parenting and I think that's so important for parents to know, because sometimes we do get overwhelmed and you know we're working and we're tired and there's just one more thing and then the teacher's called and it's. But we really have to think about fostering that relationship with our kid and not just responding out of exhaustion or anger.
Robert Emmitt:Let me add a fourth one on that. I love you, I'm proud of you, I'm glad you're mine and then, when it's appropriate, I'm sorry I messed up. Yeah, and parents, you know I grew up, you know my parents never apologized for anything. So I was that generation gosh, they're perfect. You know they weren't perfect, but they were raised in a generation. You just, you know grownups didn't acknowledge to children that they made a mistake and I came along and copied my parents' good stuff and the stuff that I could improve on I did. But you know, I always told my kids, hey, I was wrong, I messed up, please forgive me. And I'd wake them up at night and just say, hey, I really overreacted. It's okay, pops, I forgive you, thank you, just want to make sure we're good, yeah, we're good, we're good.
Robert Emmitt:I love that. The power of an apology is just amazing and it just solves a problem Instead of simmering and boiling. It's kind of like hey, I messed up, I overreacted, I didn't get the whole story, I'm sorry. And you think the whole story, I'm sorry and just man, and you think, well, they won't respect me. Oh yeah, it's just, it's just the way to live life. If you, if you did something, great, way to go. If you did something bad, I'm sorry, I messed up and I'll try to make it better.
Mandy Majors:Well, and what I've learned? Sorry, what I've learned is they'll model that, they'll model that back If you're humble and, like I, got it wrong. When they blow up and they get it wrong, you don't even really have to say anything anymore because there'll be coming back with an apology because that's how you modeled in your home.
Robert Emmitt:I was a joke in our house. I said how come I'm always the only guy apologizing around here, messes up, nobody comes to me saying I'm sorry well, you are the one getting all the speeding tickets you just have to have a clear conscience so you clear the air for everything.
Kim Elerick:So I said I don't want to go to bed thinking I screwed up and didn't apologize or make it right well, that's that humility again, that that makes you so relatable and so encouraging and such a great voice of wisdom for us parents and reminding us that it's not all that complicated If we do the simple things that Jesus taught, if we're humble, if we apologize, if we love our kids no matter what and set them on the right path. That's really the bottom line, right.
Robert Emmitt:That's like Paul said to the Philippians, or somebody. He said the things that you had seen me, heard me teach and do, and seen me, do put those into practice and teach it to others. And you two are living proof. I mean you're doing that. I mean you saw it in me and our family. You put it in you and your family and now your audience is, I mean, who knows how many, but you're making an impact on their lives and then they'll pass it on to somebody else. You know they don't get all the information. They get the ones that they need at the moment and they put it into practice and then they pass it on. That's the way it goes.
Mandy Majors:That's how following the Lord works. Thank you for being here today and I hope you'll be back.
Robert Emmitt:I will look forward to it anytime.
Mandy Majors:All right Thank you. This podcast is ad-free because of all the people who donate to our nonprofit.
Kim Elerick:Make a donation today at nextTalk. org.
Robert Emmitt:This podcast is not intended to replace the advice of a trained healthcare or legal professional, or to diagnose treat or otherwise render expert advice regarding any type of medical, psychological or legal problem.
Mandy Majors:Listeners are advised to consult a qualified expert for treatment.