There are many things we can do to protect our kids from sexual abuse like talk about private parts, boundaries, consent, etc. Yes, we need to do all of it! But, please don’t miss this very practical conversation that we believe also helps prevent sexual abuse. We’ll tackle that topic and share two helpful resources – one for little kids and one for teens.
There are many things we can do to protect our kids from sexual abuse like talk about private parts, boundaries, consent, etc. Yes, we need to do all of it! But, please don’t miss this very practical conversation that we believe also helps prevent sexual abuse. We’ll tackle that topic and share two helpful resources – one for little kids and one for teens.
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Mandy Majors:
Welcome to the next Talk podcast. We are passionate about keeping kids safe in an overexposed world.
Kim Elerick:
It's Mandy and Kim and we're navigating tech, culture and faith with our kids. So we just finished a three-part sexual abuse series. We really focused on the male victim. We wanted to highlight that and give some different perspectives and it was intense and it was hard, but important.
Mandy Majors:
Yeah, I had someone reach out, one of our listeners during this series, and she asked me you know than open communication and in talking about private parts are private and all of that sort of thing boundaries, consent, all of those central, key issues what is the number one thing that you think I should be doing to protect my kids from this, right from from childhood sexual abuse? And my answer was pornography. Like you need to equip them on the dangers of pornography, and so we have done pornography shows before, but in this series we kind of want to break it up and just do some simple shows with some practical takeaways right away, and so today we're going to focus on just two resources that are helpful for you if you want to get educated about pornography and start talking to your kids about it.
Kim Elerick:
Well, and I'll be honest, the thing that I hear most from parents is they're like I can't even say that word and I can't even imagine talking to my kids about pornography. But what I want to say here is that your kid, even if they've not heard that word specifically, they've been exposed in some way, most likely once they're in late elementary, early middle school. It's just rampant because of cell phones. It's like in their back pocket. They're not even looking for it and kids come across pornographic images, whether it's anime, whether it's typical pornographic images. It's just so accessible and that's what has changed so much.
Mandy Majors:
Yeah, and you know? Just a reminder even if your kid does not have a phone or does not have technology or you have things on lockdown, your kids can still be exposed. I mean, that's why our organization started. You know, my daughter was told about pornography at school without phones. Nobody had phones. She didn't have a phone, but it was a kid who had watched a pornographic video at home. He came to school the next day and he described in graphic details what he saw. So she had a picture in her mind details what he saw. So she had a picture in her mind. And that was my moment. You know that I was like oh my gosh, they can be exposed to pornography without screens. So don't fall into the trap of thinking my kid doesn't have a phone. I don't need to talk to them about this yet, like you need.
Mandy Majors:
We live in a very highly sexualized culture. If all the phones went away today, we would still need to talk about pornography because of the website access and the kind of pornography that is out there today and so readily available. So I love what you said, kim. You were like, even if you don't want to say the word. So when your kids are little, I want to talk about this resource first. When your kids are early elementary school or even preschool right, how do you bring this up without overexposing them? And we have a great resource for you that Kim and I have both used in our own homes. So when I first started on this journey and I had no idea how to talk about pornography, I found this book on Amazon and I ordered it, and it was one of our very first conversations. I feel like it helped me talk to my kids about pornography for the very first time, and so the book is called Good Pictures, bad Pictures. It is by Kristen Jensen.
Kim Elerick:
I love this book because when I was thinking about these topics and we had started Next Talk, I had the youngest kids in our organization and I was very hesitant how am I going to talk about these things?
Kim Elerick:
And this book bridged that gap for me, in a way that I could talk about the dangers of pictures that are not good with my little ones, like I literally had a baby, a toddler and then a six year old little kids, and so the idea of talking about anything sexual just was overwhelming. And these books are so great and I say these books because she started with good pictures, bad pictures, and I believe that's age six and up, and then she got such good feedback but people were saying as time went by, hey, our kids are getting exposed at an earlier age. So she wrote good pictures, bad pictures, junior, and I use that with my little ones Just a tool for them to know if I see something. Here's what I can do when there's a dangerous situation. They need a plan, and the dangerous situation in our culture today is pornography. It's very dangerous for their future relationships, for their heart and mind.
Mandy Majors:
Well, and I would also say when I first started reading this book, I didn't know Kristen. I mean, I just ordered this off Amazon. Now we know her a little bit. We're partner organizations. Her organization is called Defend Young Minds. They're putting out some great information out there and you know we've gotten to know her well. She's been a guest on the show and we don't get any money for recommending her book to you.
Mandy Majors:
It's just a resource that has helped our own kids, when they were younger, talk about pornography in a way that opened up so much dialogue, talk about pornography in a way that opened up so much dialogue. So we want to make sure that you have that resource, because I honestly believe that if you can equip your kids from this, you reduce their risk of abuse. I really do, out of all the stories I've seen and worked at Next Talk anytime I've worked a child on child sexual abuse case, it always involves pornography. So the more we can educate our kids about this, the safer they're going to be. So that's the resource for younger kids. Okay, now let's talk about older kids, kim.
Kim Elerick:
Yeah. So maybe you have middle school, maybe early high school, and you're thinking, okay, well, I see that this is a problem. I don't really know how to approach it. Where can I find out what's happening, current information in that world that I can present to my kids? And we have such a great resource for you. There's this organization called Fight the New Drug. We've met them, we've talked with them. They are on the cutting edge of reaching middle school and high school kids with facts-based information that is so intriguing and so powerful. I really think it's a great resource for any parent.
Mandy Majors:
For sure. And I want to encourage you. If you have an older kid, this kind of looks different. Yes, you're getting educated by following Fight the New Drug. I think the starter conversation too, with your older kids like if your kid has a phone and they're middle school or high school, say the word like a. Please don't say have you ever seen any bad pictures? Like that's just for the elementary, younger terminology. Okay, you need to rip the bandaid off and be like hey, tell me all the tea.
Mandy Majors:
And also, parents of older kids, Like I know this is going to sting a little, but if you've given them a phone and you've never talked with them about pornography, I think you need to maybe start out with an apology that maybe goes something like hey, when I gave you that phone, I didn't realize how readily available this was, and now I'm getting educated on it. I found this organization, fight the New Drug. I'm learning from them. You know I'm learning from Next Talk and I realized we actually should have talked about pornography before I gave you your phone. So I am really sorry, parents, the reason I say that is because if your kids have been watching it, it takes the shame away. We don't want to shame kids.
Mandy Majors:
They are growing up in a culture where it is so sexualized and porn is normalized. They do not know if we have not equipped them. I know we are thinking, oh my gosh. Of course they know if they're watching two people naked have sex. But these are kids that grow up walking in locker rooms with everybody changing in front of each other and people taking pictures, so like their boundaries are so blurred with naked people on screens. So we have to.
Mandy Majors:
If we come in with an apology, it almost just kind of brings the barriers down. And if they have been exposed, maybe they're more willing to tell us. I will also tell you they're probably going to be more willing to say my friends are watching it than I'm watching it. You know, they may confess to their friends first and that's a test. Like you have to respond well to that. It's like thank you so much for telling me. Okay, I bet their parents didn't educate them and they just don't realize the dangers. That's the response. Okay, the response is not oh my gosh, those are so awful kids you can't hang out with them anymore, because if you say that, then your kid is never going to feel comfortable telling you if they're watching porn because you've just labeled all those kids awful and really they're just victims of a of a sexualized pornography culture is what they are they're victims too.
Kim Elerick:
You know, as much as pornography has changed, so has parenting, and I think that's really hard. It's really hard to put ourselves in that position of thank you for telling me that you just watched porn. I mean it's hard to get to that place. Get to that place. But, parents, our goal is that our kids come to us for help, direction, guidance, support as someone who can be their iron shepherd's, iron person. And if we're constantly losing our mind or if we're constantly judging their friends and putting these barriers between them and others without conversation, we're going to lose them. We're going to lose them to this world and I don't think any of us really want that. And so, as hard as it is, it's important to recognize pornography has changed. We need new tools like good pictures, bad pictures, fight the new drug. And we have to recognize parenting must change as well so that we can equip our kids, encourage our kids and be their safe place.
Mandy Majors:
So yeah, and a couple of disclaimers as we wrap up. Like, first of all, I want to say some of you guys like we recommend a lot of Christian resources. Obviously, we always say it's your family, your choice here at next talk how you're going to parent, but Kim and I are both Christians, so a lot of times that comes off in the advice that we give, right. I do want to preface this with pictures bad pictures, and defend young minds and fight the new drug. They are not Christian based, okay, but we followed them and they're just solid, practical, research-based information that it's like educational tools and we love these organizations because, honestly, we believe schools should be using them tools.
Mandy Majors:
And we love these organizations because, honestly, we believe schools should be using them. Schools should be putting out their curriculum because it doesn't cross the line of church and state but it's educating kids about the dangers of it. So that's why we love these resources and you can go to Fight the New Drug. They have an awesome website that you can watch a documentary, you can look at research stats. They're a non-political, non-religious organization. Their whole mission is just to raise awareness that pornography is bad for people and for our world, and so we would love for you to go check out these resources.
Kim Elerick:
We will be linking in our resource section of our podcast on our website our other pornography show from the past and that's another really good one. But coming up, we're going to be talking more about this. In fact, our next show we're going to be talking about if you find pornography on your kid's device, then what we want to give you some practical steps, some different things to think about and some resources again so you can navigate that well.
Mandy Majors:
Well, and we're also going to be tackling that from an avenue of you talk to your kid early and they got exposed to it and now they brought it to you and even though you're so happy that they brought it to you, it feels like a punch in the gut and you're sick over it and you feel like their innocence has been stolen. So we're going to cover those two specific angles on the upcoming shows and have specific talking points. We're also we believe pornography is such a big conversation with our kids we're also going to be rolling out some porn packets. We've been calling him the next talk porn packets, which is funny. It's just also taking our content and our recommendations and putting it in written format for you so that there's there's multiple ways that you can get access to this information If you're trying to talk to your kids about pornography. We just want to give you any resource that you can so you can have this conversation in your home and be praying.
Kim Elerick:
Be praying about an opportunity in a moment where you can start having these conversations in your home, because that's really what it's all about. Creating a culture of conversation is what is going to keep your kids safe from everything, and especially pornography.
Mandy Majors:
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Kim Elerick:
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